Sweet Nothing

He had been so certain of himself and so locked in the thought process that he knew what was going on, but how wrong he seemed to be the farther and farther the little charade they went. It was the first time it really occurred to him, but was he wrong? Was this no charade? There were feelings for Chrysanthe, and they were stronger than, per say, what he had for his wife, and yet, fact of the matter was he did not know if his feelings for her were yet strong enough to usurp the way he believed. The way things were for himself. He had inadvertently pushed her away and he had not meant to do something so abhorrent, but O it was happening. His blue eyes cradled the contours of her chest, her neck, her hips, and the fine lines of jaws. He wasn't sure of what he wanted from her, but he knew that he didn't want anyone else touching her, and damn them to hell if they did. His wife was monogamous. He would be her only husband, and yet it seemed as though things were working against him to not only give himself a new chance with someone else, but also give her a chance with someone else.

He had to admit that he kept falling in and out of something when it came to Chrysanthe, but he had no clue what it was. Love? It was so early for that, how could he succumb to something after merely seducing the small woman and doing nothing but taking her innocence. He had not meant to make her fall for him, well, he certainly had meant something, but when he had taken her at the caves, he had not known that by bedding her she would be so lost in him, so amazed by him. So absolutely hooked. A part of him loved it, a part of him wanted to help her get away from him, and a part of him was selfish and would not relent until she would stand by him and no other. The latter was most likely the part of him he would succumb to. He was no fool. He would not deny what had become of him, his heart, and his mind.

He stood looking at her waiting for her to explain just how he had broken her world and for the longest moment it made no sense to him at all, for the longest time he stood there watching her waiting for some indication that he could fix something...but if she was so lost in him there wasn't much he could do. As she spoke he thought about it. He of course knew that she was young and he definitely knew that made her far more impressionable, but gracious, he hadn't meant to get stuck on her, nor get her stuck on him. Certainly not so rapidly, ?Actually...I don?t know what goes with that feeling...for me it?s always been that I knew I could have whatever I wanted...and now I?m being denied something I really wanted...I do not know if that makes it...more desirable- er, it being you. I know that...I do not know what I should say. I know you?re young, Chrysanthe. Younger than I by a fair shot, but, you?re so much more than most are at your age.

He was close to her body, his breath upon her face, and her breathing not so far from him. It really occurred to him that though they had been closer than anyone could be when he had mated with her, he had not felt so intimate with anyone, especially not like he was feeling with her, no not in the slightest. It was a new feeling. Just holding the young woman was something quite interesting for him. Monogamy though, that was what barred them. It irritated him deeply. Monogamy to him was pointless...he really didn't understand being able to go an entire lifetime and only love one person. Though, was he beginning to wonder what it was like to be that way? Was he beginning to wonder what standing beside just one single wolf and never drifting from their side was like?

She questioned him so innocently. About his plans, and for the first time in a very long time he was ashamed. Ashamed that he stood beside her, failing her, and making it nearly impossible to make it up to her, but dammit why was he not try trying? Was it his plan? No. It wasn't, and he knew that in beginning that thought, he had failed her greatly. Not being able to answer her...he only had one chance to try and explain, ?I..just thought we were fooling around. I mean...I knew I was your first, but... I never really had a clear understanding of why it bothers women so much?? His tail swung briskly behind him as he tried to configure the best way to handle the situation, to keep her, to just hold her there with him. Her head would push against his chest and his skull would wrap over the top of hers as he heavily inhaled her scent, his left paw rising to cover her right. Stop it Gideon. End this. What are you doing? ?I could try...try just being yours...I haven?t had my wedding, and I can cancel it if my feelings change about the whole thing, because, sweet firefly, I can?t let you go,? he didn't really know what road he was trying to climb down, but would he really disregard his wedding with Kamala if Chrysanthe proved how much she loved him? Honestly, he wasn't sure if he was lying to her or not, but he had sure made it sound convincing.