Ashmedai vs Tórnach for SPAR
ROUND ONE
Ashmedai
CLARITY |
- “...Ashmedai stepped to his left, lifting right paw,” Front right paw, or back left paw? You say it later in the post, but I cannot assume that you are stating the same limb here. -1
- “Finally, Ashmedai tilted his head to his left, opening his jaws and swinging his head to his right, attempting to grip on the other male's left shoulder. His upper jaws sought to pierce the flesh of the upper back of the shoulder while his lower jaw was aimed at the lower, more meaty, deltoid section of the shoulder (along the spine of the scapula).” Okay so this is a tad confusing here, and I acted it out several times to try and make sense of it. If he tilted his head towards his left and swung his head towards the right, that would not bring his top jaw close to the back of the shoulder, but his bottom jaw. Unless you mean something else when you say 'back of the shoulder' because to me I think of the outer portion of the shoulder, closer to the spine. And from the diagram, I think you mixed up directions here. From where the bottom jaw is aimed it would make more sense if he was trying to bite in the center of the chest, just below the neck. -2
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Total: 7 |
POWERPLAY |
“Kicking off, Ashmedai attempted to close the ten foot distance between him and his opponent.” There is no where that says that you and Tea agreed upon a distance of 10 feet, and assuming distance is powerplay. Next time either check with your opponent, or leave it a little bit more vague, like a simple 'attempting to close the distance.' -2
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Total: 8 |
DEFENSES |
Legs spread, knees bent, weight distributed, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, lips curled, tail tucked, nails in ground, hackles raised, shoulders rolled.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 shoulder slam
+ 1 paw slam
+ 2 for bite to shoulder (minus points for clarity issue)
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Total: 4 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 39/50
Tórnach
CLARITY |
- All clear!
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Total: 10 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen!
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Weight distributed, legs bent, toes spread, claws in ground, head aligned with spine, tail aligned with spine, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, ears pinned, eyes narrowed.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 3 bite to face
+ 1 paw swipe
+ 1 shoulder shove
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Total: 5 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
- (Moderate bruise to left shoulder)
- (Minor welts to left foreleg)
- (Minor bruise to left front paw)
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 45/50
ROUND TWO
Ashmedai
CLARITY |
- “...right cheekbone and up his right jaw leaving moderate lacerations that ended as the boy gained half a grip on the edge of Ashmedai's right cheek.” You either have a grip or you don't, a half a grip doesn't really make sense. Did only his top jaw or bottom jaw hit? Did you mean a weak grip? Just using the word half makes it sound a bit off. -2
- “He felt a paw hook around his left foreleg halfway down from his elbow and pull away from Ashmedai while shoving towards Ash's left side and up.” Was was shoving towards Ash and up? -2
- “...attempted to get a grip on the right side of Tornach's lower jaw, with his upper jaws aiming to get a bite on his right jaw while his lower jaw sought the area of the neck that connected under the chin.” Where along the upper jaw? It is quite a large area. In the middle, by the nose, by the base? Top jaw, bottom jaw? And just where under the chin? -2
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Total: 4 |
POWERPLAY |
- “Ashmedai aimed to throw his full weight forward and to Tornach's right as he shifted his weight to his front paws, hoping to keep himself grounded and dig his right fore paw nails into the webbing between Tornach's left fore paw's toes. Ashmedai jutted his right shoulder forward with hopes of equaling the blow of Tornach's left shoulder, hoping to grind the foremost part of his right shoulder with the foremost part of Tornach's left shoulder, which already pressed into Ash.” Okay so at this point I got really super lost and it took a lot of thinking for me to work this out. From where I am sitting, Ash still has a paw raised in the air from Tor snatching it from under him, there was no mention of him trying to put his paw back down on the ground. Plus you make no mention of his other paw that is, at this moment, still pinning Tor's paw to the ground. So to me its a powerplay to try and use that paw for another attack and to shift into your front paws without stating that the other has returned to the ground. I really had to read it over, I think it was missing the paw swipe paw that really threw it all off. -2
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Total: 8 |
DEFENSES |
Hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, weight evenly distributed, knees bent, toes splayed, lips curled, eyes narrowed, tucked chin, ears flat.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 paw webbing attack
+ 1 shoulder slam
+ 2 bite to jaw/neck (minus points for clarity issue)
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Total: 4 |
INJURIES |
- 3 moderate lacerations
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Total: 7 |
Total for Round Two: 33/50
Tórnach
CLARITY |
- “...the point of the boy's shoulder digging into the bruises on the side of Tor's left shoulder from Ash's initial charge causing the already-abused muscle to knot up painfully atop the bruises.” Did this make the bruises worse than just the minor ones that were there? Are they moderate bruises now? Major? -2
- “...dragging a deep wound along the bottom of Tor's right lower jaw before sliding off.” How bad is this deep wound? You might want to be specific if you don't want judges to assume damage, because to me deep is severe, but to you it might be moderate. -2
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Total: 6 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Stance widened, weight counter balanced, legs bent, hackles raised, eyes narrowed, ears pinned, claws dug in ground, chin tucked, head aligned with spine, shoulders rolled.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 2 flip shoulder carry thing
+ 4 bite to right foreleg (plus grip)
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Total: 5 |
INJURIES |
- 1 Minor welts to front paw
- 4 severe lacerations to bottom jaw (decided by judge)
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Total: 5 |
Total for Round Two: 36/50
Totals:
Ashmedai |
39 + 33 = 72/100
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And the winner is...
Tórnach |
Ashmedai must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
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Damage:
Ashmedai |
- Moderate lacerations to cheek will take 2 ooc weeks to heal, and may scar
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Tórnach |
- Moderate bruise to left shoulder will take 1 ooc week to heal
- All welts will take 3 ooc days to heal
- Minor bruise to paw will take 3 ooc days to heal
- Severe lacerations will take 3 ooc weeks to heal and have a high possibility of scaring.
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Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
Iko | I think I listed most of my notes are listed above! Just watch your wording on things, it left me rather confused in parts. I was getting laughed at though cause I legit sat here and mimed out your first attack that confused me. xD So just try to be specific! |
Tealah | Same here, its all above! Just make sure to be specific about damage taken.
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- By [Evelyn]
