-1 “...he would push all his weight onto his hind legs and leap the 5 feet between them.” How is he hoping to approach his opponent? Head on? From the side?
-1 “...his right forward rolling forward in a lance to strike into Hare's left, where the shoulder bone met the rest of his chest.” What's he using and what is he aiming at? This sentence feels fragmented; I think I would have said something like “into the left of Hare's chest...” to avoid the possibility of confusion.
-1 “At the same moment he sought to slam his chest into the males...” What part of his chest is he using and what part of his opponent's chest is he hoping to strike? If he's wanting to strike the whole of Hare's chest it should be stated same is if he intended to only hit the left side.
-1 “...the man's own right leg...” Front or back?
8 for powerplaying.
-2 “...he would push all his weight onto his hind legs and leap the 5 feet between them.” Not only should this have been attempted, but assuming the distance between the two without getting permission from the other player or having it previously stated is considered powerplaying. So -1 for the leap and -1 for the distance.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
9 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
+1 for severity
+2 for chest/shoulder throw
+1 for severity
+1 for paw swipe
10 for injuries.
First round.
Arcus' round one total: 43/50
HAREKR: 10 for clarity:
All clear!
9 for powerplaying.
-1 “...and lash out at Arcus' left foreleg...” The wording tripped you up here; this should have been attempted.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10.
10 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for maim
+1 for grip
+2 for shoulder throw
+2 for chest slam
+1 paw swipe
10 for injuries.
Moderate lacerations to left cheek
Harekr's round one total: 49/50
ROUND TWO
ARCUS: 6 for clarity:
-1 “He attempted to side step to the left...” Who's left?
-1 “...his own chest aiming to follow suite to try and use his forward momentum...” What is he hoping to strike with his chest?
-1 “His jaws swung wide, aiming to left...” Who's left?
-1 “...his upper fangs sought to pierce through the back of his neck...” Where on the back of his neck?
9 for powerplaying.
-1 “He attempted to side step to the left just before he hoped to make impact...” It's been decided that this is powerplaying since it's assuming you're able to close the distance in the first place
5 for defenses.
+1 eye narrowed
+1 head ducked
+1 ears flat
+1 shoulders rolled
+1 hackles raised
0 jaws wrinkled
0 tail lashed out
0 he massaged his toes and claws against the earth
8 for attack.
+2 for shoulder throw
+2 for chest slam
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
5 for injuries.
-2 for moderate lacerations to left side of face
-2 for moderate bruising to left shoulder (-1 for each blow)
-1 for scratches
Arcus' round two total: 33/50
HAREKR: 10 for clarity:
All clear!
10 for powerplaying.
None seen!
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10.
10 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
+1 for severity
+2 for shoulder throw
+2 for chest slam
+1 for toe stomp
6 for injuries.
-1 for mild bruising to right shoulder/chest
-1 for moderate bruising to right shoulder (middling damage assigned for counter)
-1 for moderate bruising to left side of chest (middling damage assigned for counter)
-1 for mild lacerations to right cheek
Harekr's round two total: 46/50
Totals:
ARCUS: 76/100 HAREKR: 95/100
And the winner is...
HAREKR! Arcus must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out, Harekr was successful in blinding Arcus' left eye.
Damage:
Arcus:
All bruising will take 3 OOC days to heal.
His moderate lacerations will take 2 OOC weeks to heal.
His light scratches will take 2 OOC days to heal.
His left eye will take about 3 OOC weeks to heal
Harekr:
All bruising will take 3 OOC days to heal.
His moderate lacerations will take 2 OOC weeks to heal.
His mild lacerations will take 1 OOC week to heal.
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For Lunar: Nothing to note!
For Arin: The little things were your downfall and every deduction I made was was something I would consider a small, easy mistake. Unfortunately they built up and that was what got you here. My suggestion for you is to watch your wording. At times I found some of what you were saying kind of hard to follow; it felt like you got excited or ahead of yourself and your sentences got a little jumbled up, and things were either repeated or omitted.
