Quarterly Maintenance
01-01-2016, 09:31 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-01-2016, 07:16 PM by Evelyn.)
Fenrir's Maw in the east has a messed up description with random question marks!:
Set in the mountainous eastern lands of Alacritis, Fenrir?s Maw is a craggy, dangerous set of mountains, riddled with steep drop-offs, unstable trails, sinkholes, and peaked with snow, all year round, despite being south of the northern lands. Riddled with caves that span deep into the mountains, alcoves and chambers, making these mountains a good place for a pack that doesn?t mind the dangerous terrain. A wolf must be nimble on his or her paws, or find one?s death on the rocky earth below. The plant life is hardy, the trees being evergreens suited to the climate. There are many hard to find herbs that grow here, if a healer is brave and surefooted enough to seek them out.
Fixed!
The Kamui Delta
At this place, several rivers break out and stem into the ocean. The most well known and uninhabited of these is the Kamui Delta, as wolves are easily able to explore here.
Saying "the most well known an uninhabited" just sort of seems off. If it's easily explorable and well known, wouldn't it be the most well known and inhabited?
But it is uninhabited. There is not a lot of life there and no packs settled there.
Falmer's Dunes - It's redundant.
This place is very dry and holds very little life. Only the toughest plants and animals can thrive here. It's right smack in the middle of a desert and is very dry. It rains only a few times a year.
Fixed!
Sea's Plain - Mispelling and odd wording
On Low tide, the beach is bared to the sun, and other kinds of sea food can be found, if a wolf doesn?t mind digging. - messed up question mark thing.
Crypress Trees, young and old grow sparsely apart, wide bases standing strong against storms and thriving in the brackish water.
Reword; it sounds odd: Cypress trees, young and old, grow sparsely apart with wide bases standing strong against storms and thriving in the brackish water.
Fixed!
Alabastrine Shrine - Random capitalized letter and really weird wording in the last sentence quoted here
Treading Deeper into the heart of the shrine is a circle of stones etched with runes and in the middle is a glowing spring. Its waters seem to capture the mind. If glanced into the waters creatures swear they see their past memories. The fish that swim deep in its waters strike the algae that give it its unique glow but it seemed magical.
Fixed!
Black Island - Captialization and grammar errors, spelling error weird wording.
Old: Black island is know for its difficulty to reach, its set rather close to the shore but the undercurrents require very strong swimmers to get to shore
Revised: Black Island is known for being difficult to reach; it's set rather close to shore, but undercurrents require strong swimmers to get to shore.
Fixed!
And I'm done going through lands for now
Set in the mountainous eastern lands of Alacritis, Fenrir?s Maw is a craggy, dangerous set of mountains, riddled with steep drop-offs, unstable trails, sinkholes, and peaked with snow, all year round, despite being south of the northern lands. Riddled with caves that span deep into the mountains, alcoves and chambers, making these mountains a good place for a pack that doesn?t mind the dangerous terrain. A wolf must be nimble on his or her paws, or find one?s death on the rocky earth below. The plant life is hardy, the trees being evergreens suited to the climate. There are many hard to find herbs that grow here, if a healer is brave and surefooted enough to seek them out.
Fixed!
The Kamui Delta
At this place, several rivers break out and stem into the ocean. The most well known and uninhabited of these is the Kamui Delta, as wolves are easily able to explore here.
Saying "the most well known an uninhabited" just sort of seems off. If it's easily explorable and well known, wouldn't it be the most well known and inhabited?
But it is uninhabited. There is not a lot of life there and no packs settled there.
Falmer's Dunes - It's redundant.
This place is very dry and holds very little life. Only the toughest plants and animals can thrive here. It's right smack in the middle of a desert and is very dry. It rains only a few times a year.
Fixed!
Sea's Plain - Mispelling and odd wording
On Low tide, the beach is bared to the sun, and other kinds of sea food can be found, if a wolf doesn?t mind digging. - messed up question mark thing.
Crypress Trees, young and old grow sparsely apart, wide bases standing strong against storms and thriving in the brackish water.
Reword; it sounds odd: Cypress trees, young and old, grow sparsely apart with wide bases standing strong against storms and thriving in the brackish water.
Fixed!
Alabastrine Shrine - Random capitalized letter and really weird wording in the last sentence quoted here
Treading Deeper into the heart of the shrine is a circle of stones etched with runes and in the middle is a glowing spring. Its waters seem to capture the mind. If glanced into the waters creatures swear they see their past memories. The fish that swim deep in its waters strike the algae that give it its unique glow but it seemed magical.
Fixed!
Black Island - Captialization and grammar errors, spelling error weird wording.
Old: Black island is know for its difficulty to reach, its set rather close to the shore but the undercurrents require very strong swimmers to get to shore
Revised: Black Island is known for being difficult to reach; it's set rather close to shore, but undercurrents require strong swimmers to get to shore.
Fixed!
And I'm done going through lands for now
Note: Lillie has scars over her right eye and down her cheek. She also has scars under her chin and on her jaw. Her tables and art will most likely not reflect this. Unless it is specified otherwise, assume Lillianna is accompanied by her companion.