Waiting For The Inevitable

*Erani* · 04-18-2013, 10:48 PM

Erani

And so, he had come. Sapphire eyes grown old with wisdom pinned her to the floor of her den like a pup who had done a great wrong. Indeed, she had behaved like a pup. She had been completely demoted. That didn?t hurt as much as the fact that she would not be allowed to complete Preston?s training, nor Rayne?s. She wouldn?t be allowed near an injured wolf, or an ill one. What use was this beautiful, perfect den? She had chosen it for the reasons a Healer would use. Cairo?s voice spoke one word, and miserable deep blues returned to the face of the old King.

Where did she begin? Sorry was out of the question for now. It would never be enough. She swallowed, and tried to find a beginning to her words. She didn?t trust her voice to hold up. Soundlessness often fought sobs far better than speaking ever did. But she knew this would be her only chance. ?I truly have behaved like a pup?.? She felt her throat close, and stopped, fighting for composure. ?I deserved every bit of what I got. But I couldn?t help myself. When you gave me your children to watch over and care for, and when you didn?t come to take them back, I??

She broke off and struggled again. ?At that time? I had never had a heat cycle. I believed myself unable to reproduce? I thought I would never have a chance at my own, very own litter? So I loved your children as fiercely as I would my own. Part of me hated myself for it. That part felt as though I were stealing from Guinevere?s memory. But I couldn?t stop myself from giving all I had.

?Seeing them hurt, it made my heart overwhelm my reasoning. Neo, looking like that. Hating us all? Chrysanthe?s eyes when she heard her fate? I don?t deserve them. I lost their mother. Because of my late action, they will never know their mother.? Her teeth clenched against the pain those words gave her. ?I know my actions were wrong. I don?t ask for any easing of my punishment.?

Her next words were a soft whisper, meant only for herself. ?I should never have survived the Redwood Massacre.? Cormalin would throttle her if he ever heard those words coming from her mouth.

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