Fading Stars
01-23-2016, 04:56 AM
She felt him move, sure that he was leaving her, telling her that he no longer cared for her. Insecurity filled her then, and a bit of panic. What is she going to do without her family? She wasn't Arcus, she could not live in that big dark world by herself, she did not have a well spring of emotion and storms to keep her tender heart safe, she would die, so unable to care fro herself. But she would not stay if Volt turned his back on her, she could not, could not live with the ache in her heart if she did. But it was all moot as his warmth seemed to surround her again, envelop her in his feelings for her, his love and the fear he must have been feeling for her health. Silent tears still streaming down her face she allowed Volt to lift her head and she looked into his eyes as he talked. She had understood that everyone was busy, she really did but as days turned to months and no one seemed concerned with her failing heath, and lets be real, it was failing long before little Illume was lost, the dark resentment seemed to swell. She had hardly slept those few weeks, hardly ate. The darkness that filled her soul slowly creeping up on her, her nightmares haunting her. All she had needed was someone other than one of the pups to ask her, to open the dam so she can get her fears out, but no one had, so the fear festered and expanded... leaving her almost broken. Astrea nodded at Voltage as he told her to stay home, not that she could turn and leave if she wanted too. She was too emotionally and physically tired to even stand, but when Volt spoke of the cliffs she almost perked with a happy smile, but the shadow of it was lost quickly, she was too raw for happiness to take root in her inner light. "Yes," was all she said as she got to her paws and started to make her way to the cliffs, her heart injured like nothing before. When she arrived at the cliffs she took her normal perch and then look down at the ground, not wanting to see the things that called her name and be unable to reach them, a fitting metaphor for her life it seemed. She always reached out, always wanted and needed but was able to achieve her goals. "I am scared Volt. I was scared that you hated me for what I said, but I had not wanted to hurt you, only pull you out of your sorrow. You where wasting away, I could see your soul slowly fleeing your body and kind words and sentiments did not help... So I had struck at the most sensitive part of your heart, hoping to do what time and kindness did not seem able to do. I could not lose you to the tides of disrepair, the family... no I needed you. Volt I love all my siblings but it was you who have the most sway over me, you who can cut me deepest, but it is also you who can uplift me, who make me feel just as special as everyone seem to think I am If you where gone... how could I leave the dark to shine in the light? You do that not only for me Volt but for every one of us, if we had lost you our heart would have died. So with no thought to myself I lashed out, hoping to start your drift to shore... I am sorry I hurt you, that was not what I meant to do." She hoped he understood what she was saying, but even if he did not, she at least tried, it had bothered her to see his dark look when she said those things to him and seeing that fake smile the only other time she saw him nearly broke her for good, she had thought that he had hated her, was merely giving her that fake smile because he no longer cared... "I live in the dark but thrive in the light, Volt." She looked at him, her dream quest still fresh in her mind, she had saw many things that night with the shamaness and that was made clear to her, as none of the other lessons had. |