-1 “Her right shoulder was aimed for the left side of his lower chest, her left shoulder aiming for the right side of his lower chest.” What part of her shoulders? The sides? The fronts?
-1 “Without pausing Mercy's head tilted towards her own right, nose pointing towards her left as she tried to bring her open jaws upwards and towards Einarr's throat.” I can't get this to work even with hand puppets. If she turned her head to her right and then pointed her nose to her left, wouldn't that mean her chin is basically tucked towards her chest/neck? That would mean that the bridge of her nose is pointed towards Einarr making a bite impossible.
-1 ”...her right front leg raising and attempting to snake around the ankle of his left front leg...” What part of her leg is she using?
8 for powerplaying.
-1 “...hardly waiting until he had finished speaking until she launched herself at him.” It's all a matter of wording; the “at him” make this a minor powerplay.
-1 “...and with one fluid movement she pulled her own leg back towards her chest.” You're either assuming your swipe is successful and/or you're not giving you opponent time to react to an attack.
9 for defenses.
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for rolled shoulders
+1 for lowered head
+1 for tucked chin
0 for snarling
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for leveled tail
+1 for bent knees/elbows
+1 for widened stance
+1 for spread toes
7 for attack.
+1 for left shoulder throw
+1 for right shoulder throw
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
+1 for leg swipe
10 for injuries.
First round.
Mercy's round one total: 41/50
EINARR: 6 for clarity:
-1 “...aiming to push forward into the female as her jaws came at him.” I would have liked to see more detail here regarding what is pushing/what is being pushed. Is this an attack?
-1 “Einarr would push further into Mercy further...” Same as above
-1 “He would raise his left foreleg in addition to this, both the leg of his opponent and his own meeting awkwardly in the air. They would slide past each other, neither really getting a hook before Einarr settled his leg back on the ground and redistributed his weight. ” Why did he raise his leg in the first place? What is the point of this besides using ooc knowledge to avoid an attack?
-1 “Finally, to finish up his attack he would seek to tear his head away from her jaws and aimed lower, seeking her right foreleg where the leg connected with the chest.” If her right shoulder is mashed into the center of his chest how can he reach an part of her right foreleg?
9 for powerplaying.
-1 “Einarr would push further into Mercy further...” This should have been attempted
9 for defenses.
+1 for lowered head
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for tucked chin
+1 for tucked tail
+1 for distributed weight
+1 for widened stance
+1 for bent legs
+1 for spread toes
+1 for claws digging in
0 for snarl
5 for attack.
+1 for shoulder throw
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
10 for injuries.
First round.
Einarr's round one total: 39/50
ROUND TWO
MERCY: 9 for clarity:
-1 “...her left front leg hoping to drape across the right side of his neck as her right front leg did the same to the left side of his neck.” Where on his neck? Closer to his jawline? His shoulders?
7 for powerplaying.
-1 “Growling, she bit down on her new positioning as hard as she possibly could.” This should have been attempted.
-1 “Not wanting to lose a hold she tried to lock her jaws down, before Mercy viciously shook her head back and forth to do further damage.” The head shake hinges on her biting down and keeping her hold, so this should have been attempted too.
-1 “At the same time Mercy tried to push her head towards the ground, hopefully tipping Einarr closer to the ground with this force.” The usefulness of this hinges on Mercy first getting a grip on Einarr's muzzle which makes this a minor powerplay.
9 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to 9. Did not include snarling.
5 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
+1 for bear hug
9 for injuries.
-1 for minor bruise to right shoulder
Mercy's round two total: 39/50
EINARR: 6 for clarity:
-1 “As he came forward he would feel Mercy’s front legs wrap around the rear half of his body...” Where on the rear half of his body?
-1 “Her jaws would also clamp down upon his right hip...” Where on his right hip?
-1 “Einarr sought to slam himself squarely into her back legs...” What's he slamming with? His shoulders? His chest?
-1 “He would tilt his head to the left...” Whose left?
10 for powerplaying.
None seen!
7 for defenses.
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for lowered head
+0 for chin tipped forward
+1 for rolled shoulders
+1 for hackles raised
+0 for banner-like tail
+0 for snarling
+1 for claws dug in
+1 for weight distributed
6 for attack.
+2 for slam
+3 for bite
+1 for swipe
4 for injuries.
-3 for severe lacerations to face
-3 for severe bite to right hip
Einarr's round two total: 33/50
Totals:
MERCY: 80/100 EINARR: 72/100
And the winner is...
Mercy!! Einarr must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Mercy:
Minor bruising will take 2 ooc days to heal
Einarr:
Bruising will take 2 ooc days to heal
Severe lacerations/punctures will take 2 ooc weeks to heal
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For both: I think pretty much everything is in the notes above. Good fight guys!
