-1 “...attempt to ram against his lower side with all her force...” What body part is she using?
-1 “...attempt to ram against his lower side with all her force...” Where on his lower side? It's a large area
-1 “She would dart to his left side...” What positioning is she hoping for? Where on his left side is she headed?
-2 for general lack of clarity. Your whole fight post is only two sentences long and that's simply not enough.
9 for powerplaying.
-1 “She would dart to his left side, making her way quickly through the distance between the two...” This should have been attempted.
0 for defenses.
You must restate defenses in each and every fight post.
1 for attack.
+2 for shove
-1 for lack of clarity
10 for injuries.
First round.
Zisa's round one total: 25/50
REN: 7 for clarity:
-1 “...shuffling his feet to the left...” Whose left?
-1 “He would jut his right shoulder out in an attempt to ram Zisa in between her left shoulder and the side of her chest...” What part of his shoulder is he using?
-1 “...upper jaw hoping to close on the folds on the left side of the back of her neck...” Where on the left side of her neck? Behind her ears? Close to her shoulders?
7 for powerplaying.
-1 “He would turn by shuffling his feet to the left to face Zisa directly...” This should have been attempted.
-2 What happened to Zisa's shove?
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10. In the future I'd like to see a bit more explaining/clarifying when it comes to defenses and their purpose. In this post “his paws spread more evenly upon the ground” sounds an awful lot like “his paws splayed”
6 for attack.
+2 for shoulder throw
+3 for bite
+1 for paw swipe
10 for injuries.
First round.
Ren's round one total: 40/50
ROUND TWO
ZISA: 4 for clarity:
-1 “Zisa flinched as Ren's shoulder was rammed where he had aimed it...” What's the damage from this?
-1 “Zisa flinched as Ren's shoulder was rammed where he had aimed it...” I would have liked to see the “where” restated.
-1 “His jaws grazed her skin, blood welling up from the shallow wounds.” Where?
-1 “...slam her right paw down on Ren's left paw...” Front or back?
-2 for general lack of clarity
10 for powerplaying.
None seen
0 for defenses.
None seen
4 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for stomp
7 for injuries.
-1 for moderate bruising to chest (damage assigned by judge)
-2 for minor lacerations to back of neck
Zisa'S round two total: 25/50
REN: 7 for clarity:
-1 “He'd lift that left front leg fully up...” Did she miss completely? If so that should have been stated.
-1 “He then spotted her paw going for his, and he'd yank his right paw up...” She was going for his left paw
9 for powerplaying.
-1 “...engulfing the whole ear and biting down around the base.” Be very careful with wording.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10.
4 for attack.
+1 for face stomp
+3 for bite
8 for injuries.
-2 for minor lacerations to left forepaw (damage assigned by judge)
Ren's round two total: 38/50
ROUND THREE
ZISA: 7 for clarity:
-1 “Zisa's expression was shocked as Ren's paws smaked her face.” What damage did she receive from this? All damage must be stated in the post itself, not the notes.
-1 “In that moment of distraction, however, she felt pain go through her ear.” Same as above.
-1 “Zisa's jaws would attempt to sink into the flesh just below Ren's left eye, near the side of his jaw...” More detail is needed here.
8 for powerplaying.
-1 “When the larger make stumbled, she would take that opportunity to shake his paw away.” This should have been attempted.
-1 “Zisa's jaws would attempt to sink into the flesh just below Ren's left eye...” If Ren still has a hold of Zisa's right ear it would be nearly impossible for her to reach the left side of his face.
0 for defenses.
None seen
3 for attack.
+3 for bite
7 for injuries.
-1 for mild bruising to forehead (damage assigned by judge)
-3 for severe bite wound to ear (damage assigned by judge)
Zisa's round three total: 25/50
REN: 7 for clarity:
-1 “The woman shook his paw off, and Ren would let it slap down next to his other paw.” Which paw?
-1 “His tail was aligned.” With what?
-1 “...her teeth would instead strike the upper portion of his left leg...” I would have liked to see more detail here.
7 for powerplaying.
-1 “As he stood, he tried to scrape up Zisa's right ear in order to worsen the damage to it.” You can't assume that you still have it.
-1 “...his front teeth trying to grasp the back of her scruff an inch above what would be considered in between her shoulder blades. His back teeth would try to grasp the scruff behind her left ear.” Even with a much smaller opponent this is a huge area to cover.
-1 for using the same body part (mouth) twice in a fight. By doing so you're not giving your opponent time to react to the first attack.
8 for defenses.
+1 for flattened ears.
+1 for narrowed eyes
0 for tail aligned because of clarity
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for adjusted stance
+1 for bent knees
+1 for toes splayed (I prefer toes splayed to paws splayed, which is what you've used in previous posts. I like this one much better!)
+1 for claws digging in
+1 for rolled shoulders
0 for snarling as it is not a defense.
4 for attack.
+1 for worsening damage to ear
+3 for bite
8 for injuries.
-2 for moderate lacerations
Ren's round three total: 34/50
Totals:
Zisa: 75/150 Ren: 112/150
And the winner is...
REN! Zisa must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Zisa:
Bruising will take 2 ooc days to heal
Minor lacerations will take 4 ooc days to heal
Severe lacerations/puncture will take 2 ooc weeks to heal
Ren:
Minor lacerations will take 4 ooc days to heal
Moderate lacerations will take 1 ooc week to heal
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For Blueberry: Practice, practice, practice! You lost a massive amount of points by not simply stating your defenses. Those are the easiest points to earn so it really doesn't hurt to take a few minutes to make sure you have ten. Also be sure to state what all your character is doing in no uncertain terms. Your posts lacked the “meatiness” that is found in the posts of successful fighters. To be a successful fighter you need more than just a fistful of sentences outlining an attack. Write with more detail and you should notice an immediate improvement.
For Keanai: You too could benefit from practice. At face value you did well with clarity, but I really had to read and reread to try to work out what all was happening. It felt like you were trying to cram large amounts of information into single sentences and that made it difficult to judge in some places. My advice for you is to state things simply and clearly. It's alright to devote several well written sentences to a single reaction or attack and while it's certainly possible to overdo it on detail, I think it would be better to have too much than too little.
