carve your name [challenge]

CLARITY

- “Coiling his haunches Bacchus would seek to leap off his rock directly towards his russet and white opponent. He'd redistribute his weight evenly as he hit the ground and with the added momentum of the leap he'd aim to slam his broad chest into Leo's neck.” This makes it sound like Bacc landed right in front of Leo, and I'm unsure if he landed, and then closed the distance, or landed right in front of him for the shoulder slam. -2
- “With the hit he'd seek to wrap his front legs around his opponent's neck, shifting his weight back onto his rear legs. He'd want his paws to land on Leo's back both paws on either side of the spine directly above the shoulders.” Without rearing upwards at least somewhat, it would be hard for Bacc to get his paws that far down Leo. -2

Total: 6

POWERPLAY

- “Coiling his haunches Bacchus would seek to leap off his rock directly towards his russet and white opponent. He'd redistribute his weight evenly as he hit the ground and with the added momentum of the leap he'd aim to slam his broad chest into Leo's neck.” You are assuming that Leo did not/will not move. Also, there is no distance stated or assumed here, so its hard to say how far away he landed and then how far he has to run, if he even does run. -2
- “With the hit he'd seek to wrap his front legs around his opponent's neck...” When you say 'with the hit' it makes it sound like you are assuming that the shoulder slam hit, and means that there is too much movement in your post. -2

Total: 6

DEFENSES

- Ears pinned, eyes narrowed, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, head aligned with spine, tail aligned with spine, legs bent, weight evenly distributed, toes spread.

Total: 10

ATTACK

+ 2 shoulder slam, plus severity (+1), minus power play points (-1)
+ 1 for bear hug, (+1 for each leg, -1 for clarity)
+ 4 for bite to throat, plus maim attempt (+1)

Total: 7

INJURIES

- First round!

Total: 10

CLARITY

- “This caused Bacchus' chest to collide with the top of Leo's right shoulder instead of with the area between his chest and neck. Leo would shove his shoulder into Bacchus' chest right as they collided, hoping that would deepen the bruise that the contact would leave on the other male's chest.” How much damage did this do to his shoulder? Major bruise? Minor? -2
- “Leo wasn't anticipating was Bacchus' open jaws. With their change in position, his nephew's teeth would land on the back of Leo's neck, getting a mouth full of his scruff. Leo winced when he felt his teeth sink into the thick skin there, but the adrenaline kept the worst of the pain away.” - How much damage did he take from the bite? -2
- “His jaws opened wide and he turned his head to his left so he could reach forward to attempt to grab onto the upper portion of Bacchus' right leg.” Where on Bacchus' right leg? -2
- “His jaws opened wide and he turned his head to his left so he could reach forward to attempt to grab onto the upper portion of Bacchus' right leg.” ... “He'd aim to use his left paw to slam it down on top of Bacchus' right paw, hoping to crack the toes there or at least bruise the paw badly to impair his movement even more.” You can't bite the leg and also stomp on it. Stomping on it assumes that it has been put back down. -2

Total: 2

POWERPLAY

- “Quick to respond with an attack of his own, Leo took advantage of Bacchus' leg that had fallen in front of his head.” - You're assuming that Bacchus didn't move his leg. -2

Total: 8

DEFENSES

- Toes spread, claws bit in ground, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, head aligned with spine, chin tucked, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, legs bent, legs evenly placed.

Total: 10

ATTACK

+ 1 shoulder shove
+ 2 bite to limb, minus points for clarity (-1).
+ 1 paw slam

Total: 4

INJURIES

- First round!
- (Moderate bruise to right shoulder)
- (Minor bite to scruff)

Total: 10

CLARITY

- “...his toes were spread and his claws would dig into the earth (and hopefully leo depending which paw you were talking about.)” Are you trying to make an actual attack here? Its hard to tell with it nested like that, and makes me second guess the attack. -2
- “He'd feel Leo's teeth sink into his mostly unused leg as his opponent shifted his neck forward.” What leg? -2
- “...while 25% would also be put into his right limb...” You can't put weight on a limb that's not on the ground. -2

Total: 4

POWERPLAY

- “Bacchus held the loose scruff in his mouth and instead of letting go he'd aim to bite down harder to keep control of his uncle and progress his earlier puncture wounds.” You did not attempt to achieve a hold in your first post, and Shelby did not state that Bacchus achieved a hold. Because of this, you must attempt to keep his scruff in Bacc's mouth. -2
- “Leo's shove he would worsen his puncture wounds but also aim to hyper-extend Leo's jaw with the force.” This all depends on if Leo keeping a hold on Bacc's leg. Since there was no attempted hold, you cannot assume that he will keep holding it. -2

Total: 6

DEFENSES

- Ears pinned, eyes narrowed, hackles raised, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, tail tucked, toes spread, claws in ground, legs bent, grounded legs set equal distance apart.

Total: 10

ATTACK

+ 0 for body shove, minus points for unrealistic hoped damage. (Leo's jaws wouldn't hyper-extend from this movement.)
+ 1 for worsening damage to scruff, minus points for power play (-1).

Total: 1

INJURIES

- 2 moderate bruise to chest
- 2 moderate puncture wounds to right leg.

Total: 6

CLARITY

- “He hoped to bite in such a way that his lower jaw could land across Bacchus' throat to cut off some of his breathing as well,...” Where was his top jaw aimed? -2
- “He would aim to latch his jaws onto the lower portion of his opponent's neck, near where his neck met with his shoulder. He hoped to bite in such a way that his lower jaw could land across Bacchus' throat...” Without moving out from under Bacchus, this bite would be very hard to achieve. -2

Total: 6

POWERPLAY

- None seen.

Total: 10

DEFENSES

- Ears pinned, eyes narrowed, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, weight evenly distributed, toes spread, claws in ground, legs bent. (I don't count tense muscles as a defence.)

Total: 9

ATTACK

+ 3 bite to neck, plus grip attempt (+1), minus unrealistic bite (-1).

Total: 3

INJURIES

- 3 Major lacerations on scruff

Total: 7

CLARITY

- “Bacchus was quick to cease his shoving so as not to worsen the bite he'd receive.” ... “This combined with his shove to the upper right shoulder of his opponent would seek to force Leo's left shoulder to the ground.” Is he shoving, or not shoving? To shove or not to shove, that is the question. -2
- “...while Bacchus's Right leg sought to trail down Leo's left limb and trip him at the front left ankle. Bacchus would aim to hook his paw around his opponent's lower forearm and upper ankle, seeking to pull the limb toward himself.” The way this is worded is very... confusing to me. Is he hooking hum around the ankle? Does he have two ankles to make it an upper ankle, or is he just aiming at the upper portion of the ankle? How can he be wrapping it around the lower forearm as well as the ankle? Also this is too much movement how its worded, first lifting the limb, trailing it down, hooking, and then pulling. -3 (Also, "while Bacchus's Right leg sought to trail down Leo's left limb" That makes it sound like he's seductively trailing his paw down his leg. XD That was all I could picture... I'm sorry! xDD)

Total: 5

POWERPLAY

- “With 40% of his weight in his rear paws and the last 20% in use to pull out Leo's limbs Bacchus would also use his chest to lean into Leo for support, and hopefully helping to push him down.” You must attempt to lean into Leo for support. The way you worded the '20% in use to pull out Leo's limbs' makes it sound like you are assuming that the paw swipe will land. -4

Total: 6

DEFENSES

- Ears pinned, shoulders rolled, toes spread, claws in ground, hackles raised, legs bent, tail tucked. -1 for not adjusting weight for raised limb. (Did not include neck scrunched' as its not clear enough. Is his chin tucking towards his chest?)

Total: 6

ATTACK

+ 4 bite to eye + face, plus points for maim attempt (+1).
+ 0 paw swipe, minus points for clarity (-1).
+ 0 for shove, minus points for clarity + power play (-1).

Total: 4

INJURIES

- 3 severe lacerations to right side of neck

Total: 7

CLARITY

- “That combined with Bacchus’ paw pulling at his left leg Leo’s stance was disrupted for a moment. He lifted his left paw quickly to pull it out of the way of Bacchus’ paw and was quick to get it back onto the ground to reset his stance.” The way that its worded makes it sound like Bacchus was able to get his paw out from under him, but then you dodged it. -2
- “He aimed to bite down on the front portion of Bacchus’ shoulder...” What shoulder? -2

Total: 6

POWERPLAY

- “He felt a quick moment of panic and he’d rush to let go of the hold he had just gained to get himself out of the line of fire as soon as he could.” Bacchus stated that there was no hold achieved, you cannot say that you somehow still got a hold. -2

Total: 8

DEFENSES

- Toes spread, claws in ground, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, tail aligned with spine, head aligned with spine, legs bent. (Just a note, snarling lips do not count as a defense unless you specify that it aids in bunching up loose skin around the eyes.)

Total: 10

ATTACK

+ 3 bite to shoulder, plus severity, minus points for clarity (-1).

Total: 3

INJURIES

- 3 severe lacerations to back of neck

Total: 7

BACCHUS

39/50 + 27/50 + 28/50 = 94/150

LEO

34/50 + 35/50 + 34/50 = 103/150

LEO

Bacchus must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out. Leo remains the alpha of Fiori, and is now immune from challenges for two weeks.

BACCHUS

- Moderate bruise to chest will take 3 OOC days to heal.
- Moderate puncture wounds to right leg will take 1 OOC week to heal, may scar.
- Severe lacerations to right side of neck will take 2 OOC weeks to heal, may scar.

LEO

- Moderate bruise to right shoulder will take 3 OOC days to heal.
- Severe lacerations to scruff will take 2 OOC weeks to heal, may scar.
- Severe lacerations to back of skull will take 2 OOC weeks to heal, may scar.

KATG6

A lot of my notes are listed above, but just be careful on how you word things. I know that you think you are being helpful with the percentage of weight, and sometimes it is! But this time it just left me a little more confused and lost. You lost some points for defenses in the last round too, which I can understand because of positioning. But there is always usually a way to sneak all 10 in. Try to throw in some more varied attacks, as well as more attacks in general! You both would have had a lot more points that way. Just watch the way you word things, I know that its a pain in the ass to be specific but there were some power playing and clarity issues here. Great fight!

SHELBY

Same as above, a lot of my notes are listed up there. Same for you though, you lost some points because of how you worded things. Also, you NEED to state how much damage your character is taking, because otherwise I get to come up with damage. And I'm mean sometimes... xD But you also need to toss in more attacks, you guys both had pretty low attack scores. Watch your attacks for realism though, and remember that wolves aren't exactly like people. Great fight you guys!