Born of Fear

Walk | Talk | Think

Callisto had the den to herself, much to her relief. The quiet space had been willingly, even happily, shared with Jakart at first, but after her recent nightmare the walls felt like they were closing in around her and the once comforting form of her lover began to feel oppressive. She began to look forward to the morning when Jak would leave her to do whatever he spent his days doing, whether it be hunting, training or patrolling with his brothers, or stopping Narcissus from becoming too much of a burden on Belladonna. Only when she was alone could the healer begin to relax, but it was also during those times when her thoughts were the loudest. These are my pups, she told herself, mine, not anyone else's. But Jakart so frequently now paid more attention to the growing swell of her belly, to the puppies within. What if he wants to take them once they're here?

She breathed out sharply through her nose, pale eyes severe within her darkened frown, and possessively curled her body just a little tighter, sheltering the life within from everyone but her. The discomfort of the pressure, which had been growing stronger throughout the day, protested against her movement, but she ignored it. Not once before had she given thought to having children of her own. One litter had been forced on her, and even then she had done everything in her power to distance herself from the pups and what potential she could have had in their lives. It had been easier that way. But bringing them to term and birthing them, being there those first few weeks until she could leave her captivity, and them, behind had left a strong sense of guilt fueled by the knowledge that she could have done better, should have done better, by those lives that she had never wanted but still somehow felt responsible for.

The current litter she carried could in no way replace the litter that had been lost to Lel - their unknown fates and her abandonment of them would always weigh on her conscience - but at least in this way Calli had a means of starting over. I'm not giving you up, she thought to the pups inside of her, wincing as the discomfort became more distinct. I'm not letting anyone take you away. Not even Jakart. Even thinking it, that he might somehow do what Lel had done and lay claim to the children, complete and total ownership with her parental rights denied, left a sour taste in her mouth. She had been so sure that he was of a timid brand, capable of being manipulated to her wishes. He had shown he had a mind of his own, however, and in his recent excitement for the birth of their litter she had read a sneaking bit of possessiveness too, a desire to be a prominent figure in their children's lives. She feared, more than she let on, that his excitement was only a mask for more selfish desires that would exclude her.

Her middle cramped, the muscles contracting, and Callisto tensed under the pain. She groaned softly, realizing then what she had failed to realize until this point. The pain and discomfort she had felt throughout the day were a warning, telling her that her birthing would begin soon. She had gotten too preoccupied with her fears to notice until there was no more denying the fact her children would soon be on their way. Nervousness afflicted her but not to the point it detracted from her ability to reason. She breathed, deep and measured, as she maneuvered herself inside of her den toward the carefully stocked pile of herbs she had saved just for this. Motherwort. Trillium. Taking measured doses of both, she hoped it was not too late, and grabbed a sprig of lavender just for the soothing scent of it. With it held tightly between her teeth, Callisto situated herself with her back to the den's entrance and focused on her breathing as the contractions came stronger, more quickly, and the birthing process began.