Vereux vs Arteides for SPAR
ROUND ONE
Vereux
CLARITY |
- “Vereux opened his jaws tilting them to the left...” If they are right shoulder to right shoulder, then Art would be on Ver's right. So tilting his head towards his left would be AWAY from Art. -2
- “...his bottom one aiming for the blade...” Where on the shoulder blade? Its quite large on a wolf. Near the top, the middle? -2
- “Vereux opened his jaws tilting them to the left as his upper jaw aimed for the portion of Artrei's shoulder...” Which shoulder? -2
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Total: 4 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen
|
Total: 0 |
DEFENSES |
Eyes narrowed, ears pinned, shoulders rolled, legs bent, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, toes spread.
|
Total: 7 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 shoulder slam
+ 2 bite to shoulder, minus points for clarity issues
|
Total: 3 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 34/50
Arteides
CLARITY |
- All clear.
|
Total: 10 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen.
|
Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Legs spread (wiggles eyebrows), legs bent, weight evenly distributed, nails in ground, head aligned with spine, tail alined with spine, shoulders rolled, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, chin tucked.
|
Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 leg hook
+ 1 shoulder slam
+ 4 bite to neck plus grip attempt
|
Total: 6 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
(Moderate lacerations to right shoulder)
|
Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 46/50
ROUND TWO
Vereux
CLARITY |
- “...left back leg making a quick motion...” What kind of motion? A side step? A jig? Left leg in, left leg out? -2
- “...slam his right paw just below where Trei's right limb bent.” Which right leg? Front or back? -2
- “However his jaws hit skin and fur just right of its intended target,...” Who's jaws? What target? -2
- “As Trei's right limb came to hook Vereux's own right he raised his right leg...” “Slamming his left front leg into the terrain his toes spread to keep his balance..” Did you mean his right leg? Did he raise his left leg? I don't see any mention of his right leg being placed back on the ground. Plus if it is his right leg, you have to attempt it. You cannot raise a leg and then slam it back on the ground without attempting it, because you need to give your opponent time to react. -2
|
Total: 2 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen.
|
Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Toes spread, lips snarling, eyes narrowed, shoulders rolled, legs bent, ears pinned, hackles raised, tail aligned with spine, weight evenly distributed, abdomen tightened (P.S I don't normally counted this, but you explained it and made it work for his position. You're one of the first I think... -claps-)
|
Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 paw slam
+ 3 bite to scruff
|
Total: 4 |
INJURIES |
- 2 moderate bruise to chest
- 2 moderate lacerations
|
Total: 6 |
Total for Round Two: 32/50
Arteides
CLARITY |
- All clear.
|
Total: 0 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen.
|
Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Weight even, legs bent, toes spread, nails in ground, tail aligned with spine, hackles raised, lips snarling, eyes narrowed, ears pinned, chin tucked.
|
Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 4 bite to jaws plus grip attempt
+ 1 chest slam
|
Total: 5 |
INJURIES |
- 1 minor bruise
|
Total: 9 |
Total for Round Two: 44/50
Totals:
VEREUX |
34/50 +32/50 = 66/100
|
ATREIDES |
46/50 + 44/50 = 90/100
|
And the winner is...
ATREIDES |
VEREUX must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
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Damage:
VEREUX |
All minor enough to be healed at this point.
|
ATREIDES |
All minor enough to be healed at this point.
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Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
Riv | Make sure to list all 10 defenses! You did better in the second round with them. Also once again just have to be more specific, watch that you are also being clear about where you're attacking, and left and rights too. It's okay, I mix them up all the time. Also try to list more attacks! Your attack scores are low, so try to toss in more without doing TOO much. Helpful, right?
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Tea | Not much to say! You would have gotten more points for more attacks, try to work in more.
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- By [Evelyn]
