California Dreamin'
04-05-2016, 02:07 PM
The simple feeling of having her form pressing back into his was all it took ease all of his anxiety. He still couldn't put a name to this feeling he had with her. It wasn't something he had ever felt before. It tugged at his chest and strangled is lungs. It hurt worse than any bone breaking bite, yet at the same time it felt more wonderful than anything else in the world. His whole body hummed with this indescribable feeling. If he could keep his body pressed to hers for the rest of time he absolutely would. It brought him so much comfort and confusion all in one hit that knocked the air from his lungs. He was no stranger to craving and yearning after someone, but this was so unlike anything else. Nothing else around them mattered. Only Mercy mattered. In the span of one night she had become his whole world, his whole existence. He didn't know how and he honestly wasn't too inclined to question it. His whole life had been a constant chasing of a high. This was the first time in his life some part of him actually felt content for even a brief moment. When she questioned him and stepped back from their embrace it felt like someone had ripped off one of his limbs. His ruby gaze fixed on her face with a kind of burning desperation he didn't realize was possible. His jaw tensed and his claws dug into the ground under his paws again. He knew she was right. They hardly knew each other. They had a total of two interactions, most of which was simply filled with blood and sex. He didn't care. She spoke of how she didn't deserve this, about how she was broken and torn. He didn't care. He couldn't answer her when she asked why he was different and why he trusted her. He didn't know the answers either. He wished he could find an answer for the both of them, but none of this was logical. All he knew was that he needed her more than he needed air in his lungs. It felt like she somehow had the power to pick up his shattered, broken soul and piece it back together into something worth seeing. They were both broken and missing pieces of themselves, but together he felt like they could be almost be whole again. He only watched as she moved toward him again till she was launching herself at him. He didn't have a shred of resistance in him. He fell backward onto his back with a heavy thud and he stared up at her tear stained face before her violet gaze disappeared from view. A moment later he felt her teeth on his throat. He felt no fear. He didn't care if she ripped out his throat. A small voice inside him wished she would. At least it would stop this painful, constricting feeling in his chest. This feeling he couldn't comprehend. But she didn't. He felt her teeth leave his skin and her head press into the crook of his neck, her tears falling into his fur and seeping through to his skin. He reached around her then, bringing up his forelegs around her and hooking them around the back of her neck, turning his head so his cheek pressed to the top of hers with a shuddering sigh. She spoke of him trusting her too much and he realized there was not a truer statement in the world. He had given up his life and soul to her. He entrusted everything to her. How could he possibly describe this feeling that had buried itself deep in his chest? How could he describe this desperation he felt to be hers? What few words he could think of died in his throat before he could speak them. He moved then, rolling with her so that their positions reversed. He caught himself on his paws so his bulkier form didn't all rest on hers, but he could still feel the length of her body against his. His gaze landed on hers and still for a long moment he was silent, his lungs refusing to let enough air into them to let him speak. "Do you understand what you're doing to me?" he finally asked, his voice no more than a rough whisper. His eyes searched her face desperately, hoping that he might find some answers in her black-marked expression. "I've never... This feeling..." He shook his head, a growl rumbling deep in his chest as his eyes squeezed shunt and his head fell onto her chest, pressing his cheek into the soft fur there while he listened to her heartbeat. ""I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to be alive after everything I've done. I'm not just broken, there's just nothing left of me. But you-" His head lifted so his gaze could fix on hers again. "You... You see something that I can't see myself. You make me feel like I might be worth something. Even if it's only to you. If I'm only ever worth anything to you... That's more than I ever expected to be." He had never felt so vulnerable. He had always kept everyone in his life at a distance, firmly on the other side of all of his walls. Even his brother, who until this moment had been the most important wolf in his life, rarely saw more of him than his protective, brotherly side. He realized he hardly shared much of his life with his brother. He had actually hidden most of it from him, not wanting to subject him to the things their father had done. Mercy was the only one that he had ever felt like he could bare everything to her. "I didn't choose you," he finally added, realizing he had never answered her question. "That implies that I had options. I gave myself to you because you're the only one that has ever seen me as more than someone to fuck you. I told you about my past, that I'm a murder and a rapist, and you still say that I don't deserve you. Mercy, I'm the one that doesn't deserve you. I can't tell you why I trust you like I do, but that doesn't change this... this suffocating feeling in my chest at the thought of not being with you." He slowly rolled them again till they were both on their sides so he could pull her tight against his chest. No one had ever been so important, so precious. "What is this feeling called?" he asked softly as he buried his face in her scruff again, breathing in her scent like it was the thing that would keep him alive. "Is this what love is like?" |