Heavens not made enough

ooc: please excuse the phone post :x

Perhaps that was what she needed - time. Time to just sit down and sort herself out. She didn't want him to wait for her - wait for her to decide what she wanted in this relationship of theirs and then resume their intertwined lives once more. She didn't want to postpone their relationship, their love for each other just to figure this out. She didn't want him to think she was picky or making a drama out of nothing nor did she want the passion and devotion in their love to decrease. She didn't want to change their relationship, at least not negatively. She wanted it all to run smoothly, for her to know her emotions inside out and outside in, just to know exactly what she wanted. But that wasn't the case, that wasn't how her feelings worked.

Though it seemed she had all the time in the world to decide, all whilst he would be waiting with the same answer, she felt the need to make her decision quickly. And quickly she would. All she needed was a day or two, just so she could fully adjust herself to Myriad and to seek out her family. "I still love you the same," she assured him with a smile, aiming to plant a small lick to his cheek. She could sense the tension in his body, the annoyance and perhaps frustration she had spiked in his mood. As much as she knew it was her own fault, she didn't want those mixed emotions to drive them apart.

"Oh, no, I still want to be the queen," she quickly told him, not being able to imagine the possibility of another woman in her position, leading the pack alongside the alpha, being so close to him. No, she couldn't bear such a future. All that troubled her was the weight of the responsibility her position carried. With little experience, let alone interest, she was feeling a bit daunted. Even the alpha himself didn't know how to lead, though he had observed others. With a small idea sparking inside of her, she thought about her own mother, as painful as it was. She had been the secondary alpha of Sonticus before Cypress had handed leadership over to her. What had she done as second-in-command, other than running off and leaving the pack to her son? Zeph wasn't going to do that. She'll keep the pack afloat; more than that, thriving and blooming. "I hope so," she murmured, burying her head in the crook where his shoulder met his neck.