Starling Destruction
05-23-2016, 07:46 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-31-2016, 08:46 AM by Váli.)
OOC Name : Keanai
Keeping Items? Yes.
New Personality :
a theme song of sorts, though minus the religious bits - replace that with his family
Starling is a wolf recovering from disaster - a disaster of his own doing. Torn by his own doubts and insecurities, he was only saved by a few close friends of his, and he is determined to never let that happen again. He's determined to fix his mistakes, and to not let himself fail like that again; it's hard work, but the boy is more than willing to do it in order to repair the bonds he had broken with his family.
From this experience, he learned quite a bit - namely, the ability to accept criticism without it overloading him, the ability to accept advice, and the ability to accept his own misgivings and mistakes while still seeing the good in himself. In the past, he always focused on the bad - no more. Like with what his father said, he has done things to make his fmaily proud. He is not going to blindside himself anymore. SImply put, the experience matured him. He wised up to what he was doing.
The experience aside, the core personality of the boy remains the same: he is a calm man, who cares deeply for all those around them. He dislikes violence, for it leads to injuries, which in turn causes fear, pain, hatred, anger... all emotions he hates. It can also cause self-loathing - how dare you were bad enough in a fight you got hurt? He can see it happening, and he never wants someone to go through the same self-loathing that he did, to the point it almost destroyed everything he cared for.
However, as much as he dislikes violence, he is a healer to the very deepest crevices of his heart. He will gladly help anyone in need, whether or not they are in Abaven. He believes that no one should be denied treatment,just as no one should be denied advice. No matter the situation, both should be offered freely and willingly.
Unfortunately, that big heart of his does cause a downside when he's healing and helping others - he's absolutely terrified of messing up. Nevermind the fact that he actually saved someone from death... what if... what if in the future he's unable to? He knows it will happen, most likely, at some point. He's heard that it happens to healers. You can't save everyone. But with Starling... he wants to save everyone. It rips hi up inside every time he sees someone in pain, especially a sibling. It's why he tries so hard to heal them, so they're no longer in pain. It makes him fiercely passionate about what he does, to the point that in a true emergency, his only thoughts are on what needs to be done.
quick: calm, wise, kind, shy, dislikes violence, prefers peace, sweet, always willing to help, still insecure but better about it, open with those he loves, actively seeks advice when needed and willingly gives advice, secretly scared of failing, terrified of losing a patient, gets too attached to those he heals,
Plans :
He's going to go off on his own for a bit - think on it, perhaps talk to a few people on the outside of the situation and ask for advice. He will realize, through quiet reflection and perhaps Cathaoir, that his family is right. He's done nothing to fail them. He's done nothing to cause any disappointment in regards to healing and whatnot. It was all in his mind, his imagination, and he didn't start disappointing his family until he gave up and stopped trying. This is when he will return to Abaven, and beg forgiveness; he will understand he hurt them, and what went wrong. He will ask for them to help him, help him work on his insecurities. he will start actively healing again, working with Quake and other wolves and determined to help all those around him who were once like him.
He will 1000% stay friends with Cathaoir. I'm thinking Cathaoir will be an essential part to his recovery, and most definitely an important part in his life.
Roleplay Example :
He wanted nothing more than to return home.
Home… he felt tears prickling his eyes, and he sniffled, blinking back the tears. Home on the Serpent Plains, with snakes slithering around as he picked herbs, and where his family made their dens. Home in the Rustling Thicket, where grasses grew taller than him and he could act as a pup; a peaceful place to think. Home at the Monument Rapids, where the cool spray and the sound of rushing water soothed him. Home. He had not thought of Abaven as home in so long, and only now did he realize that home… home was not in the West. It was not in the North. It was not with Cathaoir, nor any other friend he knew. Home was with his family. Home was in the East, in these three lands, where the scents and voices of his family were.
Home was a chance to be happy. Home was a chance to fix himself, fix his mistakes and his wrongdoings. Home was a chance to see his younger siblings, to be their support, their role model. Home was with Lark, who was his rock and his stone. Home was with Finch, who was his loudest cheerleader, the one who understood him best. Home was with Pip, who he always cared for and loved. Home was with Sparrow, who accompanied him down the path of healing. Home was with Bass… who, despite not always understanding Starling, still loved him, and was proud of him. He wanted nothing more than to make his father proud, and he had. Until his doubts and anxiety took it all away and made him run, abandon his family, his friends, and his responsibilities
They all were. It was something he hadn’t realized, and something he was still coming to terms with. His accomplishments… his doings… they were something his family was proud in. Had he not let his own doubts interfere, then none of this would have happened. It was wholly his fault, and he accepted it; oh how he had everyone - Finch, Lark, his dad, Cath - to thank for that. His words, their soothing comfort, their kick-to-the-butt…
How he longed to fix his mistakes, to undo what he had done to his friends… his family… his father. To undo the pain he caused. It had taken him so long to realize what he was doing. That he was breaking apart everyone, that he was hurting everyone with his words, with his insecurities.
He had been blind to it all.
Even when they reassured him… he stayed ignorant. How? It seemed so obvious what he was doing. It felt, now, as if his heart would be ripped out of his chest, as he stared wordlessly up at his father, trying to resist the tears that threatened to spill over.
Gods… it hurt so much. To hear his father, to see his father, and to recieve nothing but the alpha. To see the pain that he caused etched over his own dad’s face. How could he do that? How could he do that to his family? He didn’t know, still, how on earth he could fathom doing what he did…
He felt so alone, so wrapped in darkness, and he didn’t want to feel like that. He had spent too long in there already. He had spent too long damaging those around him. He had spent too long alone… he didn’t want to be alone in the dark anymore. But he was so afraid. What if they didn’t want him back? What if they would prefer him to be gone, away from their lives? What if… what if… what if they hated him? He left Abaven, he left everyone, his father, Finch, Lark, even his friends like Lillianna and Zell. He just abandoned him. He deserved Lillie biting him so long ago. He deserved his father’s disappointment. Maybe he should just leave, go back to Cathaoir. Walk away from his father, who watched him so sternly, pain written across his face.
His head bowed as he stood there silently. No, he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t walk away… again. He had done that too many times already. He had abandoned his family, abandoned those who loved him and only wished him the best. He could not - would not - do that ever again. As if sensing his torn mind, the soft, wordless trill of a starling reaching his ears. His ears twitched somewhat - he knew that was Stella, ever encouraging him while still giving privacy. It was enough, and the boy slowly raised his head to look at Bass.
“Papà,” he whispered, his voice cracking on that singular word, a choked sob shaking his body. Lark had been right. Finch had been right. Dad had been right. The sobs broke free, and they wrenched his body as he shook, helpless and defenseless in front of his father. “Oh papà!” He cried out, shaking his head back and forth. “Mi manchi. Mi manchi tanto. Ti amo , papà , e mi dispiace tanto!”
He just wanted to be held. He wanted to be comforted, to nestle in between the paws of his father and feel again the rasp of a tongue over his ears. That would not come, he knew. Those were the foolish, childish dreams of a pup, and like it or not, he was a pup no longer. He had been reminded of that often enough, and he knew now that it was wholly the truth.
He steeled himself on the inside, and slowly, the sobs from where he was standing subsided. The tears stained the fur on his face, and as his head rose once more, tears glimmered unshed in his eyes to meet Bass’, if the alpha would allow it. “Non ci sono scuse per il dolore che vi ho causato, ei miei fratelli e sorelle. Ma spero che possiate perdonarmi, papà,” he whispered, soft and broken-sounding, a sad note within. He’d… he’d understand if Bass didn’t forgive him. He ignored all the words of his loved ones and had hurt them, and then he… he left Abaven. He spoke cruel words, believing he was useless and insisting that he could not make his father proud. He had made the choice to leave. Now, he wanted the opportunity to return, knowing full well his father had refused many other older former members re-entrance into the pack.
In the following days he had run, the scent of Abaven growing staler and staler as he travelled further and further away. But the coming of winter and the kind words of strangers and of Cath pushed him to return, and now here he was. “Y-You were r-right. A-all of you… w-were right. I-I w-was wrong and I s-see that n-now. “Si può mai perdonarmi per quello che ho fatto?” His voice dropped on the last sentence, a mere whisper, and he looked down again. His ears flattened to his skull, his tail curling in between his legs; his posture was completely submissive.
Oh please, let his father forgive him. Let him make up for what he has done, make up for his past transgressions. He wanted to be with his family. He didn’t want to fight alone anymore.
Keeping Items? Yes.
New Personality :
a theme song of sorts, though minus the religious bits - replace that with his family
Starling is a wolf recovering from disaster - a disaster of his own doing. Torn by his own doubts and insecurities, he was only saved by a few close friends of his, and he is determined to never let that happen again. He's determined to fix his mistakes, and to not let himself fail like that again; it's hard work, but the boy is more than willing to do it in order to repair the bonds he had broken with his family.
From this experience, he learned quite a bit - namely, the ability to accept criticism without it overloading him, the ability to accept advice, and the ability to accept his own misgivings and mistakes while still seeing the good in himself. In the past, he always focused on the bad - no more. Like with what his father said, he has done things to make his fmaily proud. He is not going to blindside himself anymore. SImply put, the experience matured him. He wised up to what he was doing.
The experience aside, the core personality of the boy remains the same: he is a calm man, who cares deeply for all those around them. He dislikes violence, for it leads to injuries, which in turn causes fear, pain, hatred, anger... all emotions he hates. It can also cause self-loathing - how dare you were bad enough in a fight you got hurt? He can see it happening, and he never wants someone to go through the same self-loathing that he did, to the point it almost destroyed everything he cared for.
However, as much as he dislikes violence, he is a healer to the very deepest crevices of his heart. He will gladly help anyone in need, whether or not they are in Abaven. He believes that no one should be denied treatment,just as no one should be denied advice. No matter the situation, both should be offered freely and willingly.
Unfortunately, that big heart of his does cause a downside when he's healing and helping others - he's absolutely terrified of messing up. Nevermind the fact that he actually saved someone from death... what if... what if in the future he's unable to? He knows it will happen, most likely, at some point. He's heard that it happens to healers. You can't save everyone. But with Starling... he wants to save everyone. It rips hi up inside every time he sees someone in pain, especially a sibling. It's why he tries so hard to heal them, so they're no longer in pain. It makes him fiercely passionate about what he does, to the point that in a true emergency, his only thoughts are on what needs to be done.
quick: calm, wise, kind, shy, dislikes violence, prefers peace, sweet, always willing to help, still insecure but better about it, open with those he loves, actively seeks advice when needed and willingly gives advice, secretly scared of failing, terrified of losing a patient, gets too attached to those he heals,
Plans :
He's going to go off on his own for a bit - think on it, perhaps talk to a few people on the outside of the situation and ask for advice. He will realize, through quiet reflection and perhaps Cathaoir, that his family is right. He's done nothing to fail them. He's done nothing to cause any disappointment in regards to healing and whatnot. It was all in his mind, his imagination, and he didn't start disappointing his family until he gave up and stopped trying. This is when he will return to Abaven, and beg forgiveness; he will understand he hurt them, and what went wrong. He will ask for them to help him, help him work on his insecurities. he will start actively healing again, working with Quake and other wolves and determined to help all those around him who were once like him.
He will 1000% stay friends with Cathaoir. I'm thinking Cathaoir will be an essential part to his recovery, and most definitely an important part in his life.
Roleplay Example :
He wanted nothing more than to return home.
Home… he felt tears prickling his eyes, and he sniffled, blinking back the tears. Home on the Serpent Plains, with snakes slithering around as he picked herbs, and where his family made their dens. Home in the Rustling Thicket, where grasses grew taller than him and he could act as a pup; a peaceful place to think. Home at the Monument Rapids, where the cool spray and the sound of rushing water soothed him. Home. He had not thought of Abaven as home in so long, and only now did he realize that home… home was not in the West. It was not in the North. It was not with Cathaoir, nor any other friend he knew. Home was with his family. Home was in the East, in these three lands, where the scents and voices of his family were.
Home was a chance to be happy. Home was a chance to fix himself, fix his mistakes and his wrongdoings. Home was a chance to see his younger siblings, to be their support, their role model. Home was with Lark, who was his rock and his stone. Home was with Finch, who was his loudest cheerleader, the one who understood him best. Home was with Pip, who he always cared for and loved. Home was with Sparrow, who accompanied him down the path of healing. Home was with Bass… who, despite not always understanding Starling, still loved him, and was proud of him. He wanted nothing more than to make his father proud, and he had. Until his doubts and anxiety took it all away and made him run, abandon his family, his friends, and his responsibilities
They all were. It was something he hadn’t realized, and something he was still coming to terms with. His accomplishments… his doings… they were something his family was proud in. Had he not let his own doubts interfere, then none of this would have happened. It was wholly his fault, and he accepted it; oh how he had everyone - Finch, Lark, his dad, Cath - to thank for that. His words, their soothing comfort, their kick-to-the-butt…
How he longed to fix his mistakes, to undo what he had done to his friends… his family… his father. To undo the pain he caused. It had taken him so long to realize what he was doing. That he was breaking apart everyone, that he was hurting everyone with his words, with his insecurities.
He had been blind to it all.
Even when they reassured him… he stayed ignorant. How? It seemed so obvious what he was doing. It felt, now, as if his heart would be ripped out of his chest, as he stared wordlessly up at his father, trying to resist the tears that threatened to spill over.
Gods… it hurt so much. To hear his father, to see his father, and to recieve nothing but the alpha. To see the pain that he caused etched over his own dad’s face. How could he do that? How could he do that to his family? He didn’t know, still, how on earth he could fathom doing what he did…
He felt so alone, so wrapped in darkness, and he didn’t want to feel like that. He had spent too long in there already. He had spent too long damaging those around him. He had spent too long alone… he didn’t want to be alone in the dark anymore. But he was so afraid. What if they didn’t want him back? What if they would prefer him to be gone, away from their lives? What if… what if… what if they hated him? He left Abaven, he left everyone, his father, Finch, Lark, even his friends like Lillianna and Zell. He just abandoned him. He deserved Lillie biting him so long ago. He deserved his father’s disappointment. Maybe he should just leave, go back to Cathaoir. Walk away from his father, who watched him so sternly, pain written across his face.
His head bowed as he stood there silently. No, he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t walk away… again. He had done that too many times already. He had abandoned his family, abandoned those who loved him and only wished him the best. He could not - would not - do that ever again. As if sensing his torn mind, the soft, wordless trill of a starling reaching his ears. His ears twitched somewhat - he knew that was Stella, ever encouraging him while still giving privacy. It was enough, and the boy slowly raised his head to look at Bass.
“Papà,” he whispered, his voice cracking on that singular word, a choked sob shaking his body. Lark had been right. Finch had been right. Dad had been right. The sobs broke free, and they wrenched his body as he shook, helpless and defenseless in front of his father. “Oh papà!” He cried out, shaking his head back and forth. “Mi manchi. Mi manchi tanto. Ti amo , papà , e mi dispiace tanto!”
He just wanted to be held. He wanted to be comforted, to nestle in between the paws of his father and feel again the rasp of a tongue over his ears. That would not come, he knew. Those were the foolish, childish dreams of a pup, and like it or not, he was a pup no longer. He had been reminded of that often enough, and he knew now that it was wholly the truth.
He steeled himself on the inside, and slowly, the sobs from where he was standing subsided. The tears stained the fur on his face, and as his head rose once more, tears glimmered unshed in his eyes to meet Bass’, if the alpha would allow it. “Non ci sono scuse per il dolore che vi ho causato, ei miei fratelli e sorelle. Ma spero che possiate perdonarmi, papà,” he whispered, soft and broken-sounding, a sad note within. He’d… he’d understand if Bass didn’t forgive him. He ignored all the words of his loved ones and had hurt them, and then he… he left Abaven. He spoke cruel words, believing he was useless and insisting that he could not make his father proud. He had made the choice to leave. Now, he wanted the opportunity to return, knowing full well his father had refused many other older former members re-entrance into the pack.
In the following days he had run, the scent of Abaven growing staler and staler as he travelled further and further away. But the coming of winter and the kind words of strangers and of Cath pushed him to return, and now here he was. “Y-You were r-right. A-all of you… w-were right. I-I w-was wrong and I s-see that n-now. “Si può mai perdonarmi per quello che ho fatto?” His voice dropped on the last sentence, a mere whisper, and he looked down again. His ears flattened to his skull, his tail curling in between his legs; his posture was completely submissive.
Oh please, let his father forgive him. Let him make up for what he has done, make up for his past transgressions. He wanted to be with his family. He didn’t want to fight alone anymore.
![[Image: aGjjkVy.png]](http://i.imgur.com/aGjjkVy.png)