Tiresome Travels

Anxious thoughts permeated his entire being as he waited, tense and frozen and scared and regretful. Would Cathaoir come? Would he want to? Did he think Starling abandoned him? Oh, how he hoped not. He wished not for his dearest friend to be stuck with such undesirable and repugnant thoughts, much like the healer himself was. It almost made him regret calling - would it just be better, to disappear like a ghost into the night, to never be seen again? Would it be better that no one heard of him? For him to take a new name, a new identity, and leave this torturous existence behind for a new world, new possibilities and, hopefully, a chance not to disappoint everyone around him? The thought was so tempting. It was so tempting, but he couldn't take that first pawstep. He couldn't just slink away - then he would just be a ghost of Cathaoir's, a phantom who called and left; a despicable, miserable creature who abandoned his closest, and dearest friend. That... That he could not do. No matter how low he was - he thought himself pretty low, too - he was not thatdisgusting of a wolf. Or... so he hoped, anyway.

It was as if time had stopped, or at the very least slowed to a crawl that even a slug or snail would outrace. Starling fidgeted, nails digging into the cold, hard ice with a crunch; A whine threatened to spill from his tightly clenched jaws, his ears flattenning and raising with every thought, every conflicted emotion that soared through his mind. On one paw, he was inexorably excited, to the point he could hardly stand still and was just so impatient for Cathaoir to arrive. He longed for that joy, that happiness that let him forget the world, forget his troubles and his woes. On the other, he was terrified that he disappointed Cathaoir somehow, too, and that the Yfir warrior was not coming to meet him. He wasn't sure how he might have done so, but he had no doubt that he did at some point. It was that fear, that lingering sorrow and the thoughts of his family that made his tail curl between his legs, and his ears to flatten against his head. Then the joy and the excitement would intrude, and his tail started to hesitantly wag, and his ears rose on his head a bit. It was a convoluted vortex of emotions that he was ensnared in, and it was driving him insane. The minutes couldn't pass quick enough. Time did pass, as painful as it was and slow; minutes may have felt like years, but still they passed as time often did: with excruciating care while the ones firmly in its grasp either desired for it to slow down or speed up. Starling was definitely in the latter, but thankfully he did not have to wait much longer.

Shaking himself free of the snow that was beginning to press upon him heavily, blue eyes strained to see through the white particles that floated so annoyingly through the air. Any other moment he found it stark and beautiful, but right now it hindered his sight, and that was one thing he didn't want hindered. It didn't matter much, anyways, because only a few seconds later - days - Cathaoir rounded a tree top. Starling stood frozen, eyes wide in disbelief. Despite everything... he didn't expect the other man to come. He expected that Cathaoir had been too disappointed in him too, and left; to see him was.... Starling didn't even know how to begin to describe the emotions now. The grey marked man stepped over closer to him, and Starling just longed to run to him, but he was encased in ice, a prison that trapped him in his place with the source the feelings that swirled inside of him.

It wasn't until he heard the soft breath of his name that something side of him broke, and he shuddered, tears flowing freely as he returned Cathaoir's affections. He leaned hard into the warrior, his body shaking from the stress and the burdens that weighed so heavily upon him. Starling shoved his nose deep into the thick, warm neck fur of his beloved friend, inhaling deeply the musky scent he was utterly familiar with. The fur, though ticklish, was an utterly welcome sensation; he had not expected in the least that this dream, that this... that this encounter would happen. This was no dream; this was reality, and Starling could not be more thankful.

He pressed into Cathaoir's fur until his shaking, his outpouring of emotion eased, and Cathaoir was there for him, as he always was. No matter what happened, the warrior was there. When his life was in danger, that first meeting, he had been there. Every time he needed escape, every time he needed comfort and serenity, Cathaoir had been there every time - and most of the time, he induced those emotions as well. Lately, there was something more than just a relaxation; there was a an excitement, a trembling in his breast that he couldn't explain, but it was wholly different from any other emotion he experienced, and he only felt it with Cathaoir. While he could feel the relaxation with others, this... this was wholly unique to this man he cared for with every fiber of his being.

"Cathaior," he whispered, the name completely stutter-free. One of the few that were; even his siblings, father, and his friend Lillie's names came out as stutters. But Cathaoir's... his never did. He pulled back slightly from the warrior, but only his head so he could speak clearly. He didn't want to move from Cathaoir's embrace, not now, not ever. He just wanted to stay there, forever. And yet... despite Cahtaoir's presence, something pressed deeply upon him still. That never happened - he always, always managed to block it out. A trouble whine escaped from Starling as he looked down at the ground, the darkness beginning to intrude once more. No! No! He didn't want it to, he was happy. And yet, he found himself pulling away from Cathaoir completely, the tears starting to emerge again. "Oh, Cathaoir!" he sobbed, shaking his head roughly. Blue eyes shimmering with tears met the minty green ones of the wolf he trusted like no other. "I d-don't k-know what t-to do." He whimpered softly, his tall and lanky body trembling. Everything was so wrong, and no doubt he just hurt Cathaoir too and he wanted to melt and disappear - the happiness had been fleeting, and it was already gone, and now he just wanted to cry, curl up in a ball and cry. He was worthless; everyone was disappointed in him and he just kept messing up.

He was a failure.

"Speech"