Gotta raise a little hell
08-25-2016, 09:30 PM
He let her hip slam into him, leaving a wave of mild pain in its wake. She could rip his face apart right now for all he cared. She had gotten him to such a level of frustration that his body felt numb in the worst way. He wanted to yell back but it didn't. He wanted to rip his teeth into her but he didn't. He just stood there, his muscles trembling and stomach tying itself into knots while she screamed at him and threw blame at him and told him that everything he had tried to do for her was wrong. "I don't know how to care," he replied in the momentary silence. He didn't yell, he didn't scream. His voice was a low, seething, cracking thing that he was ashamed of the moment it left his lips. She twisted him and broke him so easily and he just kept cursing himself for letting himself get so close and so comfortable with her. He hated feeling helpless. He wanted to be calm and controlled. The only time in his life he had felt more furious and helpless than this was when he had murdered his father. That rage was justifiable. This... What was this? He was about to go off on another rant, spew off some more heated words, until she took a step back from him and finally stopped. "And maybe you were one of the things I was trying to figure out!" He stopped, letting the silence surrounded them for a moment while he just focused his breathing till it slowed and his hackles smoothed back down. "I don't own you," he added, telling her the same mantra he had been telling himself all this time. "Do you understand how much that means coming from me? I don't own you. That's what I've been telling myself the whole fucking time you were gone! I'm still trying to figure out how to care for you and when you left to do whatever it is you needed to do, I told myself, 'you don't own her, you can't force her to come back if she doesn't want to'." He could feel his voice rising desperately again, and he growled as he slammed his forepaw into the ground with an unsatisfying thud. He paused, gritting his teeth as he started getting angry again, this time at himself. "I wanted to do whatever was best for you. And if that meant getting the fuck away from me then that's what I wanted you to do. I wouldn't have blamed you. I-" his voice broke and he shook his head with a growl. No. He refused to break down. He hated this. "I didn't want to hunt you down only to see you with someone else or to see that you didn't want me to be there. I didn't... I didn't want the rejection." That was the truth of the matter, wasn't it? He had never let someone in like this, he had never wanted someone to be happy so fucking badly. Before he had only cared if whoever he was with was well fed and healthy and at least liked him enough to let him fuck them. But this... What was this?! |
Art by Otackoon
Current time: 11-24-2024, 08:46 PM
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