Avalon vs Rivaxorous II for SPAR
ROUND ONE
Avalon
CLARITY |
- “Her right shoulder jutted forward like a sharp javelin, the woman seeking to drive it into the base of Rivaxorous' throat…” The base of the throat is still a pretty wide area. Was it in the center, towards the left, the right? -2
- “Her right forepaw would snake forward, seeking to hook it around his right forepaw…” Around his paw? Or did you mean his leg, like around the ankle? -2
- “Lastly, jaws parted as her head tilted towards the younger male's throat, seeking to land a bite on the right side of his neck.” Where along his neck? Where is her top jaw aimed, and her bottom jaw? -2
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Total: 4 |
POWERPLAY |
- “Powerful legs sought to bring her closer to her target, and when there was the last foot between them, she feinted to her left.” This (the last foot part) has to be attempted because your opponent's positioning can change. -2
- “Lastly, jaws parted as her head tilted towards the younger male's throat, seeking to land a bite on the right side of his neck.” Because you mentioned a specific part of your opponent, this has to be attempted, as his positioning can change or he could completely move out of the way. -2
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Total: 6 |
DEFENSES |
Head aligned with spine, tail aligned with spine, chin tucked, legs spread, toes spread, claws in ground, hackles raised, shoulders rolled, legs bent, ears pinned.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 shoulder slam
+ 2 bite to throat (-1 for clarity/pp issue)
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Total: 3 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 33/50
Rivaxorous II
CLARITY |
- “Back left leg aiming to shift his body weight to his own left by a small side step. Turning him in the dirt with a sliding motion in an attempt to place both him and Avalon at a right angle with him facing her left side.” I am a little lost at this movement, the way you worded it kind of throws me off a bit. I’m assuming that he pivoted? -2
- “...made contact with the right side of his cheek.” Where on his cheek? Below his eye? Towards his jaw? This is important because half an inch right under the eye would be pretty severe over the more furry area around it.-2
- “Lifting his head slightly he pushed on his back paws aiming to push his weight into her…” What is he pushing into her? What part of her is he trying to push against? -2
- “Lifting his head slightly he pushed on his back paws aiming to push his weight into her in the hopes of throwing off her balance. Opening his jaws he aimed his upper jaw for the right side of her body, attempting to push further on his back legs he lifted his left paw hoping to end up slightly on top of the female by trying to slightly rear up with his back legs. His lower jaw aiming closer towards the middle of her shoulder blade.” You kind of jumbled up this attack here, you should have finished the bite before you attempted the lift. -1
- “Opening his jaws he aimed his upper jaw for the right side of her body…” Where on her body? -2
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Total: 1 |
POWERPLAY |
- None seen
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Legs bent, chin tucked, eyes narrowed, ears pinned, tail aligned with spine, toes spread, shoulders rolled, taunt belly muscles.
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Total: 8 |
ATTACK |
+ 1 paw slam
+ 2 bite to left side (minus for clarity issue)
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Total: 3 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
- (Mild bruise to chest)
- (Moderate wound to left cheek)
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 32/50
ROUND TWO
Avalon
CLARITY |
- “Hind limbs coiled to spring her forward, forelegs reaching out in an attempt to hook around each of his elbows; her left forepaw attempted to grasp behind his right elbow and right forepaw attempted to grasp behind his left elbow.” They were at a right angle before, did she pivot to face him? -2
- “...she would strive to shove her right shoulder into the right side of Riv's rib cage.” I think you mean left, because that is quite the reach. Unless they aren’t facing each other? I’m a little lost regardless. -2
- “His bite would land just above her right shoulder, pain ignored as the pair battled it out. Moderate puncture wounds would be the result, with bleeding to accompany it.” Where along her shoulder? Right above, towards the left, the right? -2
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Total: 4 |
POWERPLAY |
- “As riv rose on his hind legs, she would immediately lift herself as well.” Must be attempted since Riv was trying to wrap around her. -2
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Total: 8 |
DEFENSES |
Weight balanced, hackles raised, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, lips snarling, shoulders rolled, chin tucked, claws in ground, toes spread, tail aligned with spine.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 2 leg wrap (+1 for each leg)
+ 0 shoulder slam (minus point for clarity issue/unrealistic attack)
+ 3 bite to throat
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Total: 5 |
INJURIES |
- 1 mild bruise to left shoulder
- 2 moderate bruise on left paw
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Total: 7 |
Total for Round Two: 34/50
Rivaxorous II
CLARITY |
- “...the slightly severe wound tearing up the flesh below his windpipe.” The windpipe is pretty long, where along his throat did the bite land? -2
- “Rivaxorus attempted to raise his right forelimb to press into her left shoulder.” You didn’t mention Avalon’s leg around his and if he is trying to pull against her, shrug off her leg, or what. -2
- reason reason reason
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Total: 6 |
POWERPLAY |
- “Tilting his body to his left to see if he could yet again disbalance her due to the awkward position they were in…” This has to be attempted since her legs are wrapped around his, and she could try to stop him from this. -2
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Total: 8 |
DEFENSES |
Ears pinned, eyes narrowed, toes spread, tail tucked, belly muscles tight, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, weight evenly spread, legs bent.
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Total: 9 |
ATTACK |
+ 4 bite to throat (plus grip attempt)
+0 leg wrap (minus points for clarity issue)
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Total: 4 |
INJURIES |
- 2 moderate bruise to right ribs
- 4 severe wound to throat
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Total: 4 |
Total for Round Two: 31/50
Totals:
Avalon |
33/50 +34/50 = 67/100
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Rivaxorous II |
32/50 + 31/50 = 63/100
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And the winner is...
Avalon |
Rivaxorous II must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
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Damage:
Rivaxorous II |
All healed, the throat wound may have scarred
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Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
Dragon | You need to be more specific about attacks and positioning, it got really confusing at times what was happening. Watch not attempting things that directly relate to your opponent! More notes above. ^^ Try to throw in more varied attacks, your score would have been higher if you did.
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Riv | Same with you, just have to watch being more specific about attacks and positioning. Again, notes above. Also! Try to throw in more varied attacks, it can be hard in tight positions but you would have gotten more points, and make sure you get all your defenses too.
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- By [Evelyn]
