I claim this land as my own
02-18-2013, 09:34 AM
Jupiter v Thane for the right to challenge Pepper Round 1
Jupiter: -1 for clarity- Very well written, minimal problems with clarity in certain portions -0 for powerplaying. No obvious signs of power playing -2 for defenses. Three major defenses were clearly stated, though a few more could have been elaborated upon. -4 for attack. If she is turning her head to the side to snap at his muzzle and clamp down, then that would mean she is not leaping directly for him, and therefore would have difficulty latching onto his chest with her claws. Also, given the fact that she is leaping toward him, she is placing herself in a vulnerable position with limited balance given that all four paws are off of the earth during her attack. -0 for injuries.First round Round one Jupiter Total: 43/50 Thane: -6 for clarity- A few run on sentences and changes of tense made parts of this round difficult to comprehend. Your response to Jupiter's attack needed improvement, as you didn't state where the attack landed, and didn't really say for certain that it did. That's your job. -1 for powerplaying. I saw no powerplaying, though a bit more description is necessary in order to make it fair for the other person involved. -0 for defenses. Your defenses were well established and thought out. -4 for attack. Your attack was somewhat vague, as well as your response to Jupiter's attack. If he is leaping to escape her attack on his muzzle, you need to state exactly where her claws hit and what direction he is jumping in. Remember, every single attack has to cause some form of damage unless a full dodge is used, and each attack must be referred to in your post. -0 for injuries. First round. Round one Thane Total: 39/50
Round 2
Jupiter: -0 for clarity- again, very well written with no obvious problems in clarity. -0 for powerplaying. n/a -7 for defenses. The defenses were minimal at best, and given her vulnerable state she could have attempted to do more to protect herself. Elaborate on defenses, they are incredibly important. -0 for attack. Her attack makes a lot of sense and is logical given the way she is positioned on her back. -5 for injuries. Injuries were minor, but not well addressed within the post, not to mention she would have sustained minimal bruising or at least pain when she fell on her back. Remember, the ground is hard and she fell directly onto her back from the air. Round two Jupiter Total: 38/50 Thane: -4 for clarity- Again, a few of your sentences are run-ons. There were also some comma misplacements that caused me to have to read and reread your post to understand fully what you meant. -3 for powerplaying. I need you to be clearer on where Jupiter's attacks land. 'with his paw on her chest and he would scratch her chest deeply as they landed which would cause impalement of the skin ' You're basically saying that your attack will succeed. Your wording needs to change here, because you're not giving Jupiter a chance to react to what Thane is attempting. This is considered powerplaying because of your wording. -5 for defenses- Some of the defenses were logical, but others were not entirely probable. Thane would not have been able to rotate his body onto his side to receive her attack at his shoulder in that amount of time. Remember, this isn't slow motion, he would have had just a split second of 'hang time' in order to make this move, and I don't believe he could have accomplished it as you said. -3 for attack. While the attack makes sense in and of itself, with what I said above and him not being able to rotate that quickly and efficiently, it makes your attack also improbable. There was also powerplaying involved with this as I stated above. -7 for injuries. Given that I don't believe he could have made that rotation, I am taking extra points away because the injury did not take place in the most probable location. Also, you need to take your injuries in your post, you're not mentioning them as happening, but saying they will happen in the future. The injuries must be accounted for within the post that they are received. Another note, the attack on his muzzle was completely missed, and therefore is an automatic success. Round Two Thane Total: 28/50 Round 3
Jupiter: -0 for clarity- No immediate issues here -0 for powerplaying. No immediate issues here -5 for defense. Minimal defenses, I should think she would have done a bit more to secure herself after narrowly escaping a vulnerable position beneath him. -2 for attack. Creative attack of shifting her weight back toward him, but a bit more description would have been nice in order to know just where their bodies might impact one another, etc. -4 for injuries. The impact of him falling on top of her would surely cause more than just the concentration of scratches on her chest. I would expect bruising or something of that sort. Round Three Jupiter Total: 39/50 Thane: -4 for clarity- Mild clarity issues including vague explanations, spelling, and grammatical issues. -0 for powerplaying. No issues here. -6 for attack. Attack is hardly probable. He would have to be jumping straight up, as well as to the side which is not the usual way that wolves would jump. Not to mention the odds of him getting high enough to launch an attack on her back are extremely low. -6 for injuries. Her attack on his muzzle was moderate-severe, and therefore should have inflicted more damage including bruising, swelling, and most likely four wounds instead of two, as she has four canine teeth which would have concentrated the attack to both the top and bottom of his muzzle and possibly rendered it painful to move. -8 for defenses. No plan for balance, very little defensive tactics mentioned in post, as well as improbability of said defense. Round Three Thane Total: 22/50 Round 4
Jupiter: -1 for clarity- I understood it all eventually, but some of it was a bit difficult. -0 for powerplaying. Didn't notice anything here. -4 for defense. Needs to be more elaborate, there was not much mentioned as far as what her body was doing to defend herself, it was more action-based. Remember defenses must be set and elaborated upon in each post. -3 for attack. Lots of rolling involved, I'm not sure how much time she would have had to complete this. Added point for the companion's attack. -3 for injuries. Injuries seemed logical and took proper damage. Round Four Jupiter Total: 38/50 Thane: -2 for clarity- To he honest, I got lost a few times in this post, and had to reread. Concentrate on proper tenses and use of vocabulary. -1 for powerplaying Not bad. -6 for defenses. I don't believe that he would have had enough reaction time to leap over her /again/ and miss her attack altogether. You also didn't mention much about defenses at all in this post. -6 for attack. The attack didn't make much sense to me at all, particularly because I don't believe the leap was logical. -5 for injuries. Again, I don't believe that the full dodge was used logically. It's a dodge, not an excuse for a special move. Round Four Thane Total: 30/50 Totals:
Jupiter: 158/200 Thane: 119/200 And the winner is...
Jupiter! Thane must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Jupiter may challenge Pepper for the right to lead Ludicael. Damage:
Jupiter- Swelling and mild bruising on back along with two 1/4 inch gashes. Mild-moderate bleeding and bruising on chest and rib bones. Each wound will remain sore for 2 OOC weeks. Permanent scarring on chest and ribs. Thane Swelling and bruising on muzzle, chest, and shoulder. Permanent scarring on chest and muzzle. Wounds will remain sore for 2 OOC weeks. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) You guys overall wrote really well. I do have a few concerns though, several times defenses were not fully elaborated. Every post requires you to set up your defenses like new, and you cannot assume that they are carried over from the previous post. Also, your wolves behavior post-fight was highly unusual and should never occur again. When a fight is through and the last round is posted, you must cease replying to the thread until you get a response from a judge. For Starsight Your writing had no overall issues, however a few of your maneuvers were curious and I?m not entirely sure would actually occur. Overall you did a fabulous job, however, and I commend your thoughtfulness in each post. One of the top things you need to work on is the setting of your defenses in each post, and elaborating on all of them individually. For Maka Your sentence structure needs a bit of work, but overall you did a good job. Your posts lacked a bit of realism that is necessary, and that?s what really hurt you in this battle. You also failed to notice several times when Jupiter was attacking Thane, and for that you lost points. Always check and double check to be sure you addressed everything the other wolf is doing. And be sure your wolf isn?t taking time to talk to it?s bird mid-fight, okay? - By Andy
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