Vitality
She said nothing at his acknowledgment of having to face the viking alone. And what she meant by it, was he'd have to physically fight her on his own. She wouldn't step in, but she almost did last time. And it was by her own thoughts afterward that she decided it wasn't worth getting involved into affairs that were not hers. She didn't feel it was a justified enough reason to fight in his place, after all, she wasn't the one that betrayed the northern woman. And at first, Avalon had chosen to step in between the two because she felt like it was her duty to protect him. But the more she thought about it, the more she felt that maybe there were certain things where that particular duty was called for, and others where it wasn't. Protecting him from the punishment for his own wrong doings was not something worth putting the wellbeing of the pack at risk. She had to think of everyone as a whole, and not just individually. She wouldn't risk a war breaking out or some silly feud that could have been avoided. Were it a different situation, one that was unjust...then perhaps that might be different. But in this case, he was on his own. And she would do what she could to support him, but she wouldn't put herself in between any longer. She knew he had been avoiding it for this long, and someday it would catch up to him. Even when he was accused of being a traitor by her own offspring, she had always defended him. She didn't once think him a traitor, simply a wolf who made mistakes just like everyone else.
She listened carefully to his explanation to her question, her heart growing heavy with each passing moment. She hated the way she was feeling. Why did all of this have to happen all at once? First her own emotional turmoil with her family already falling apart. Her insecurities. Her wounded soul. The feelings that she wasn't good enough for her family. And now he was dying. She supposed what she told Bass was true. She wasn't meant to be happy, but instead, her life was meant to be a constant struggle that she just didn't want to deal with it anymore. She lowered her head to her forepaws, a low whine passing her lips. She was frustrated by it all, but mostly with herself. She had become so numb by this point, that for some reason she expected something to happen that would tear away any chance at happiness that she had. At first when they confessed their feelings for each other, she thought that was what she had wanted. But then slowly over time, she realized that they were more strangers to each other then mates. He wasn't around very much. He hardly talked to her except in meetings and the like. And he even hardly spent time with the kids...and the day he had asked to become secondary, she had indeed considered it even days after. But the more she did think about it, the more she felt he wasn't suited for the position. His demeanor didn't show that he was alpha material. He was always lost in his own mind, depressed, and just accepting whatever life threw at him. She needed someone who was strong enough to handle any situation that wouldn't buckle under pressure. Someone who could defend themselves as well as the pack when it came down to it. Someone who could protect her too. And with this, she felt like she was doing all the protecting. She felt the roles were reversed. Like he was the weak maiden and she the knight that protected. It was exhausting, and she couldn't do it anymore.
"I...don't know what to say...I've never known someone to die of a sickness...it's not something I've experienced before..." She pulled herself up to sit, wincing as her resting shoulder stretched with the movement. She reached over to touch him gently on his neck, finding it difficult to express how this information made her feel. When she pulled away, she felt so mixed up with emotions that it was hard to tell which was which, let alone sort them out. "I'll always be here for support, Vereux. I care about you, I really do. But..." She had to tell him. She just felt that she had to. And there was no way he could guess what it was, because she hadn't had these thoughts up until recently. "But" could mean anything she supposed...but she knew she had to tell him eventually. |
