still alive/barely breathing

*Poser* · 10-05-2016, 03:52 PM

It's been nearly two weeks, and Poser has explored every inch of this castle. He's taken in apart piece by piece, and he's made it his home. He's slept on most surfaces, he's enjoyed meals in the kitchen, and he's loved every moment of it. He's loved and lost, but only in his dreams. Only in his dreams does he see the things that he longs to in these rooms. Only in his dreams does he have the company he longs for. There's something about the shadow that's come alive within these walls, but it only makes him ache for more. Always more. Always needing. Always absolutely starving for something that's just beyond his reach.

He's out of his own reach. Poser stumbles down the stairs on the first morning it's truly cold, waking from a nightmare that shakes him to the core. It's terrible, and yet... it makes him feel at all, and that's an important thing. That's something he doesn't get often, right? He doesn't get to feel very often at all. Pain is better than nothing. Pain is something. He moves easily, head high, but there's something troubled that lives far behind his eyes. From his stores on the kitchen table, the man grabs a few juniper berries and a cannabis bud. Self medicating. He'd let it take effect, he'd allow it to consume him. Poser was always being eaten alive by one thing or another. Hell, maybe he'd even eat himself alive. Such is the nature of the beast.

The shadow is a beast that doesn't enjoy being reckoned with. He would like to deal with himself, but it's not much of an option right now. He'd destroy himself in time, and he was destroying himself now. In the old days you could get cocaine. Poser misses that more than anything else. A little bit of pixie dust to make yourself feel okay. Self medication at its finest. He thinks it's the best feeling in the universe, of course. Whatever. Poser's heart still beat as he moved across the marble floor, gaze bright. He was always bright. At least he couldn't fight himself on that one.
your charged touch
poser
breathy way of saying my name

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