Hate Me
| Avalon |
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At this point, everything else that he said had gone ignored. She was done standing here and speaking to a disrespectful brat. At least, she felt that that's what he was acting like now. Then again, they were both running on high emotions. At least she was, and she'd been fighting to gain control for a while now. The anger and coldness she felt was foreign to her, and despite her aching heart, some part of her refused to let it go. Subconsciously, she knew too that she would come to realize just what had happened. Perhaps act and think more rationally, but right now? She was so stressed out and angry and stuck among so many different emotions that it was clouding her mind. Never before had she gotten this way, and never had she let anything rile her up so much that she made irrational decisions, let alone decisions made because of anger. She was always thinking rationally, always nonjudgmental...when had that gone away? Her only thought once again, was Newol. It was his fault. He led her to trust him and when she did, he tore it away.
Heart pounding painfully against her chest, she needed to get away. She needed to seclude herself. Anything else he might have said went in one ear and out the other as she kept the stone cold look on her face to the best of her ability. But even as she watched him, she could tell some of what she said was getting to him. She hated this. Hated it with a passion. But what else could she do right now? Drop it all like it never happened after what was already said by both her and her son? Probably. But the anger and pride refused it. Refused to let her think rationally and refused to let her drop this...unwanted part of her. All she knew right now was pain. Physical and emotional pain. And the more she stared at Lykos, the more her chest would tighten. She couldn't look at him anymore, not right now.
So when he seemed to almost demand that he would be leaving, she dismissed it almost as casually as he'd responded. “Sorry. But you'll not be leaving anywhere right now.” That was it. She didn't even want to demote him that far, but her roller-coaster of emotions and all that was said made her do it. “Be lucky you didn't hit Outcast. But continue this behavior, and you just might be the first. My decision stands. Disobey and there will be very dire consequences, and I don't want to subject you to such punishments.” All throughout, her voice remained smooth. Nonchalant. Of course, she wouldn't subject him to Outcast or even the worst of punishments...Unless he really pushed her to it. And she did not want to subject her own son to any of this…”You still have the freedom to roam, with assigned escorts. And if you choose to shirk your duties, then you'll have bigger problems on your shoulders. This conversation is over.” Her demeanor and tone indicated that she was done talking. Anything else he had to say would be wasted. That he'd best get out of her sights, and if he didn't, she'd walk away without another word regardless.
Little did she know that later, she would come to her senses. She loved him, after all. He was her child, her son. And didn't a mother's love prevail over all? Perhaps. But right now, the alpha in her overrode it alongside everything else. She felt chained. Like a wolf trapped inside of a cage with nowhere to go. When did she lose herself? Where did she go wrong? The longer she stared at him, the more the answer eluded her. She'd lost herself. That was for sure. Especially now, in this moment. She felt like she was breaking into pieces, unsure if she'd ever be able to pick it all up and become whole again. Perhaps even less so with her shiny new scar. Which a throbbing pain began to find its way to the surface, pulling her from her thoughts and reminding her that she needed tending to. The adrenaline was gone now. And she was done with this for now. She needed time to think. To collect herself. And slowly, as some of the anger became replaced with exhaustion and the need to be alone, she'd look away from him. “We will revisit this later. I am done talking.” Without waiting another moment she'd turn and walk the other way. Holding herself from looking back at him, afraid to see anymore hatred in the eyes of one of her beloved children. |
