Lay down your old chains
10-24-2016, 03:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-31-2016, 09:11 AM by Caelum.)
She didn't understand why it had to be this hard. Sure, part of loving was the grief if you lost the ones you loved. But why must it hurt so much for so long... Caelum knew she wasn't the only one hurting, she could see the uncertainty and what she thought might be the flicker of memories in his eyes. Once upon a time she would have been more put together. She would have been the one comforting others in the aftermath of an event. Now though she felt like a helpless victim, like she was running from the pain for so long and now it had her cornered and was laying into her without hesitation or mercy. Where had her old strength come from? For the life of her Cae couldn't recall. Those bright eyes, so laced with concern, looked down at her and nearly made the woman's heart melt. She hated to have her only companion and friend look so worried. If only she could get up and dust herself off and be fine. But life didn't work like that. Only in stories did one have sudden bursts of courage and strength. At least that's what she'd come to assume. Glossy eyes wet with the tears she now tried to suppress looked over the mans many scars. Often she would look at them, look at him and feel responsible for what happened. What happened to him, to her family. All of them. Her ivory ears perked forward a bit to listen to the deep rumble of his voice when he spoke. She always found the cadence of his words to be somewhat soothing. She bit her lip, holding back a flood of words. He was right, but the part of her that was in pain wanted to keep blaming herself, or to find someone to blame. It wasn't the right thing to do, she knew that... The compulsion to feel that way never seemed to dissipate entirely. There were times when she'd allowed her mind to tell her it might be Zephyr's fault in some way. Now though she knew better, even if she hadn't kicked that blame habit that afflicted her. Oh how he melted her cold and frozen thoughts. Inverno had developed a knack for saying the right things, even if in her troubled state she had a hard time believing him. It was likely written all over her face since she was never good at hiding how she felt. She wanted to think she could lead again if she chose that path. His confidence in her resonated with Caelum. Admittedly she had been playing with thoughts of where to go next, and what her future should look like. Sadness may leave her weary and hurting, but she still couldn't imagine living under the rule of another even if she wasn't yet up to task of being one herself. She couldn't tell if it was a matter of pride, dominance or simply habit but no matter the root cause it was clear to her that for the time being she would not be entering a pack. Leaning against vern's warm body she took a deep breath, gazing up at him and mumbling, "Thank you... I know you're right it's just... difficult to not feel at fault for it all." How long had it been since she last felt someone's gentle touch? Even spending so much time together, Caelum only occasionally bothered to seek out physical contact. Right now, she closed her eyes and leaned closer to him, nuzzling his neck and sinking into him, greatful for the comfort he provided. A heavy sigh escaped her, releasing with it a great deal of the tension she'd been feeling. She flopped down against the ground again, letting her back rest against Inverno as she began to speak softly, "Do you really think I could lead another pack? I mean... I can't say I haven't though of it. But I don't know where I'd begin. And I know I'm not ready quite yet." Actions "Speech" Thoughts |