It's My Life

He flicked his ears when Bass mentioned the last meeting. Zell knew he could have chosen to leave then, but for some reason he didn't...he couldn't...he didn't want to. He wasn't sure why, but he had chosen to stay. Hoping that whatever plagued his mind and soul would someday sort itself out. But it didn't happen. It wasn't the pack or Bass or anyone here. He knew it was him. He felt restless, not in the sense where he needed to travel, but something inside of him felt restless. He had lost who he was when his parents died in that freak rockslide, and he had steeled himself and fought the world with all the stubbornness he could muster. In the end, he felt like he was doing more damage than good. "I know...I don't have a good excuse as to why I stayed. I guessed it hoped that I could somehow find whatever I was looking for, but...fuck I don't even know what it is!"

He was frustrated for sure. His ears flattening as he struggled to find answers to give to Bass. He felt bad yes. Even though he himself was a pain in the ass to deal with, he didn't want anyone else to deal with it until he figured out some things. There was the chance he would come back. Assuming he was welcomed after this. Or maybe life would lead him down a different path. He never knew what would happen next. Abaven had been a good place, and it still was and would be to those who sought to make it their home. But him? A pack just wasn't for him. Not now. Not yet at least. And he was finally starting to realize that he couldn't give his all to the pack if he barely knew what he wanted. Sighing, he looked away from the shorter male. "I'm sorry...I don't really...know how to explain what I've been feeling...I don't want to keep weighing you and the pack down. I'm no freeloader, and if that is what I have been then I'll make it up to for making you deal with my lousy ass this whole time."