Hazy Shade of Winter

It didn't take long at all for him to realize, rather painfully, that this was Caelum. How had fate been so cruel to him? He'd stumbled upon Asha without realizing it, and now it seemed as though someone had purposefully brought him here to Caelum. He'd never believed much in fate, in destiny, but he had no other way of making sense of any of this. It was too much of a coincidence and it took him a long moment of staring, his jaw slightly unhinged, for him to even begin to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Last time he'd seen her, he'd unleashed every negative thought and feeling he'd had on her. He'd blamed her, fully and deeply, and had been unabashed in telling her how he felt.

Now, it simply felt like he might be sick.

He wondered, briefly, what she thought of how he looked now. Time had not treated him as well as it had Caelum, who looked as beautiful as she ever had. This realization was more painful to him than anything else. Their last reunion, she had seemed ugly and weak, his perception fogged by pain and trauma. Funny, how time changed things. He watched, stunned as she cleared much of the distance that separated them. He looked the same, only a bit older. His snout bore signs of age, sparse flecks of grey and white fur that had never existed there before, and more scars marred his pelt than ever did before.

He didn't know what to do. Half of him wanted to scream. She had caused some of what had happened, in his mind, and he wouldn't forget that. But how much of what he'd said that day did he truly believe? Was he glad that they'd been torn apart? Was he better off without her, and without his pack? The truth was, if he could give anything for that day to be erased - to keep his family, his life - he would do so in a heartbeat. Without even a moment of hesitation. Why, then, did he still feel so hateful toward her? Even now, as he stood here gazing on her lovely face. Though other feelings had appeared now, as she started to speak.

He'd loved her, once, with ever fiber of his being. Such love couldn't be shattered quite so easily. Could it ever fully disappear? It was a question he'd thought about a lot, so long ago, but he wondered it again suddenly. Zephyr would be surprised if she couldn't heart his heart thumping furiously in his chest as he struggled with the sudden feelings of panic and confusion that gripped him then. He found himself at even more of a loss when she spoke. 'Do you hate me?' she asked, and he was silent for a long moment. "Does it matter?" he quipped suddenly, without thinking, his voice taking on a hard edge that he hadn't intended. He wasn't meaning to be cheeky, either. He wasn't part of her life anymore, and hadn't been for a long time, so what did he matter how he felt?

Though he stood more solidly than she did, he felt just as helpless. Weak. Things he had been taught to shield himself from. His mentor would likely be physically shaking him, if he were here. Every defense mechanism he knew of to deal with the pain was gone and forgotten, and his gaze softened just slightly as she declared loudly than he'd been wrong. Her voice held a strength he hadn't heard in so long that it startled him, and he took a step back as he eyed her. "You ran away," he managed to mumble, his voice altered drastically now, small and uncertain. "I saw you running. I know your sister fell asleep when she was supposed to be on watch. I saw the... our children." He couldn't bear to think about the day or begin to describe how awful it had been to see that, and his voice nearly cracked, though he maintained a steady external demeanor. "How can I be wrong about any of that?" He wondered if reliving any of this would help anything, but seeing her again - standing before him in the flesh - made him never want to leave.