Hazy Shade of Winter

Different. The man looked different, not just from prior to the attack, but even from when she'd last run into him. She would tilt her head a few degrees to the right, thinking about how the touch of grey on his muzzle oddly suited him. He was always so terribly handsome, even now she couldn't help but notice it. It made her heart ache more. Before, she would have been nuzzling him already, licking his cheek and telling him how she was so lucky to have such a wonderful mate. Heart thudding harder in her chest, Caelum almost couldn't breathe for a moment, eyes beginning to glisten again with the tears so dangerously close to falling on the frosted ground.

Turmoil raged within her heart, so many different thoughts, feelings, memories, compulsions, all fighting for her attention but none of them getting it while she remained glued to the spot for a moment, ears flying forward when he responded, and quickly flattening at his words, followed by a look of what might have been hurt, disappointment, or maybe confusion? Maybe it was all of those. He had the power to make her totally unable to read her own thoughts and feelings, held captive by her wish for things to be normal again. Why can't time go backwards if you wish hard enough? She wished she could take it all away. The hurt they both felt, the distance between them, the mistrust, even the attack itself. This throbbing in her heart; it was worse when she saw him. Some nurturing part of her wanted to help, to mend the wounds... Unfortunately that was something she couldn't do with just her wishes and desires. She searched those striking sea-foam green eyes, trying to look into his very heart for any sign he still cared. Of course he would answer her with a short quip, that was just Zeph, and after a second she'd just smile. She always smiled, always began everything with gentleness. "It matters to me. She'd murmur softly.

Running her gaze over him with a sad fondness she thought perhaps he was feeling as she did. His feet planted firmly in the soil, unmoving at first. It had only been when she'd blurted the words, told him he was incorrect about what he had said before that the man would move, taking a step away. For a single beat her heart thumped harder, pushing her on. His words spurred her on and in response she took two more steps, one to restore the previous distance she'd set, and another to bring her closer to him in a moment of boldness, ears forward, gaze seeking to capture his in it's icy grip. "No," She said in a firm tone, head shaking to further assert the meaning of this word. "You know as well as I do that appearances can be deceiving, Zephyr. Our eyes are not all seeing. I would never..." She faltered for a moment, then took another step, closer now, "I saw them too... I... But it was too late. I was running, I was running after the one who did it," Her voice cracked with emotion, the strength beginning to leave her as the memories bubbled up, consuming her mind and making speech difficult. Turning her face away for just a second she took a deep breath, trying to relax her mind and get back to the topic at hand instead of panicking.

What was this feeling? It was like the strength was slowly draining from her body. Only in short bursts did she feel strong, did she overcome it long enough to speak. The effect her once beloved mate had on her even after all that happened would never stop amazing her, even if they didn't work things out she knew he had a piece of her heart. Turning back, calmer now, she added much softer, "Well why don't you ask the man who was on patrol with her if he thinks Ilona fell asleep? I'm sure Inverno would love to fill you in himself on what he saw."