Hazy Shade of Winter

Why did he have to stay so familiar? Even if it wasn't the happy tearful reunion she always wished for, he had a hold on her heart. What had life been like before Zephyr anyways? It was hard to tell if she simply couldn't remember, or if she didn't want to remember. They'd met so young, but their connection had ran so deep some part of her very essence knew even then that this was something special. Frowning, dark forehead wrinkling a bit, she wondered if there was anything she could do to repair what was lost. Crumpled and broken, he stood here looking like she'd stolen the breath right out of his lungs. Was it her though, or was it all she represented, was it the Caelum who stood here that held him captive, or was it the one who he'd lost?

Questions, questions, questions. A million of them could run through her head and she would not be able to answer a single one. Then more would come. She wanted to find a way out of this rut, she had to! Always wondering if it was going to end, if they'd thrown all that was left of this future out the window for the sake of having someone to be mad at. Sick. She was sick of it. There had to be a way out of all the pain, out of the hurt and loss and confusion that burned in her heart like fire, as she was sure it did in Zephyr's as well.

It was her turn to be caught off guard now, right front paw sliding back a half step. Asha? So she was alive? Considering this, Cae decided she probably should have seen that coming. Asha had been banished prior to the attack. There was no reason the other woman would have been killed. Still, why must he bring her into this? Caelum had never really been prone to the kind of humor Asha and he shared, though she was more than capable of engaging in it she just never understood why they enjoyed the banter so often. The two of them could likely go on for hours without tiring of their back and forth. At first Cae had simply shrugged it off, yet over time she found herself resenting Asha. Cae never really understood it herself, but now Zephyr was here using this to what? To upset her? So he was going to try and do this again after all. She'd had such a momentum going at first but now it was going the other way. Hiding the look of hurt was out of the question and she didn't bother to try. The damage was done and if he wanted to give her more pain she would take it well enough. Zephyr was, however, mistaken if he thought that she would let him keep going unchallenged this time.

Crunch! She hadn't noticed before how loud her paw-steps seemed, especially when the only sound out in this maze of briar plants was their voices which had now fallen silent. Moving forward again, coming within a few feet of him now she let her expression slowly melt from pain to defiance, lip curling slightly as she stared him down with fierceness more prominent than ever before, "Cut the crap, right now!" Were her legs shaking? She couldn't tell. Her body felt numb and all that remained was his face and her words as she fired back, "You can be bitter, you can be sad, you can hate me and wish we'd never seen each other, I don't care what you want to do but I will not let you do this again. Not this time, not after so long. Push me again and I will leave again Zephyr I swear I will!" How was it possible to feel both weak and strong at the exact same moment? "I don't think you really want to do this. I think you try to push me because you don't want to have to deal with things. Trying to hide and not really feel isn't strength, it's no better than not being able to overcome your emotions at all. Inflicting pain on someone else to hide from your own suffering is... less than admirable." Onyx crowned head shaking left and right, she wasn't okay with this anymore.

She didn't let it stop there, she couldn't allow herself to stop and be overwhelmed. She pushed on with her words, walking further forward until they were but inches apart, her nose hovering so close to his that the clouds made by their hot breath would likely mingle in the air as each wolf exhaled. She'd only wait a few seconds before she continued voice quieter again but just as strong and assertive as when she'd yelled, "I really hope you don't want to burn us to ashes and throw it all away, I really do. I'd say something about how 'you don't know how I've missed us', or 'if you only knew how much I still care', but I don't think I need to. I think that you feel the same way, whether or not you want to admit it, I mean. Whatever happened, whatever made you want to do these things and act this way, I hope you know that I still care in spite of it." she almost stopped but then added a last comment, "And as for Asha... Sure, let her come to our little get together. You see it doesn't matter to me, really, but let me have the final word on the subject of why, when our pack fell she was not a part of it. It wasn't just her recklessness, her brashness, her endless sass and constant lip, no, I can tolerate all that. The reason she had to leave was her refusal to accept responsibility. Saying "but I didn't mean to" isn't taking ownership of your actions. It's an excuse. And if someone in my pack does something reckless that nearly drowns a kid, the last thing I want to hear is an excuse about why it isn't their fault. If she had accepted responsibility for what she did and hadn't tried to act as if she wasn't really at fault for what happened then maybe I'd have reconsidered. But of course then she would have been there..."