Hazy Shade of Winter

Why was Caelum making this so difficult on him? It'd been much easier to release his anger on her when she seemed so much weaker and more pitiful. It was hard, now, when she seemed.. like the Caelum he knew and loved. The woman he'd grown up with, moved into adulthood with, and started a family with. It was difficult to tell if he longed for who she was now, or who she had been. Nostalgia gripped him like a vice, and left him wanting more. He did know she was beautiful, though, even as she spoke words that pierced his heart like ice - more beautiful than he remembered, and it was hard to look away from her for long.

Her words had hurt him, for reasons he couldn't fully grasp, even partially. Was he jealous that Inverno had been spending time with Caelum? He'd been given the chance to comfort her.. to make things right away.. but all he had done was blame her and push her away. But now as he stood, knowing his old packmate had been around Caelum made him feel fiercely protective and jealous. Had they maintain any semblance of normalcy, he wondered? Were things between them as they had been before?

She approached him, he felt his chest clench again. Caelum was close enough to touch now, and a small part of him wished desperately to reach out to embrace her. But a stronger part of him felt anger well up in his soul, accompanied by stinging tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall. "I wasn't being a smartass," he retorted quickly, noting that his voice lacked the edge it'd had before. Though he had meant his comment to be a scathing one, it seemed fitting, and it was true too. "I ran into Asha not long ago." Surprised at her tone - suddenly harsh and accusatory - his ears flattened against his skull, his face contorting in confusion. "And I am dealing with things. I've been dealing with things for years now. This is how I deal with things."  

How was that, exactly? First denial, and then with overwhelming anger. And now with a simple comment that had sent her into something like a fury. He quivered as she moved even closer, his eyes lifting to lock on her own. He'd missed her gaze, those light blue eyes of hers. How many nights he had spent gazing into them. They looked just like he remembered,exactly like he remembered, which made things hurt even more. Her tone had dropped but slightly, though was still more intimidating than he expected.

What did she expect him to say? He'd never wanted to throw any of it away. "I.. I've changed," Zephyr said through clenched teeth, after a long moment of silent and reflection. "Things have changed, Caelum." He hadn't spoken her name for  a long time. It felt strange on his tongue and made him want to say it again. The sound was familiar and pleasant to his ears, despite the turmoil he was going through right now. Slowly, cautiously, he tipped his head up - his nose barely grazing her own. The tough, hardly noticeable at all, sent a hundred sharp prickles through his flesh, and sent a shiver down his spine.

Really, did he want to talk about Asha? He loved her, but not the way he'd loved Caelum. Hearing, as he had before so many times, about why she'd been sent away was frustrating. Why had he brought it up at all? He knew deep down he hadn't wanted to speak to her just to upset her and make her leave again, but pushing back his negative feelings felt impossible right now. But Caelum's last comment stung. Was.. was she really implying that Asha was at fault, for not being there? As if she could've stopped what had happened. He was silent then, pulling back slightly; being near her was as hard as being apart now, but the urge to touch her was strong. As strong as the urge to scream, to insist that she was wrong, to lay on the blame as he had done before. "What..." he started, swaying again where he stood. "What do we do now?" He'd heard what she had to say, but was there more? His own throat felt painfully tight and words didn't come as easily as he hoped. He felt strangely defeated, strangely vulnerable, and was at a loss for what to say.