Hazy Shade of Winter

This wasn't at all how this was supposed to play out. He'd gone over this reunion so many times, though he never had actually thought it would come. Time had changed him - he was harsher now, more cruel and without the kind of compassion that his love for Caelum had instilled in him. Right? He was so different, and yet.. he couldn't bring himself to show her any of that. He had killed wolves.. only the ones that had done something wrong.. but they were still wolves with families who loved them. Children who would never see them come home at the end of the day. Could she ever forgive him?

Suddenly he felt trapped, felt panicked, felt the echo of his heartbeat beating inside his head, echoing like a bark might off the walls of a cave. He felt suffocated by the things he wished he could say and the ones he knew would make this all easier. He'd endured losing her not once, but twice. Would the third time hurt that badly? His mind, the logical part, begged him to snap and unleash all the pain he'd ever felt on her. But he was enraptured by her touch, by the possibility to feel her as he once had. It was intoxicating, and he couldn't move away.

He wanted silence, to feel nothing but her, to hear nothing but her. He was good at blocking out his own thoughts, usually, but she wanted him to talk. What.. what could he possibly say? He was too stubborn to apologize, though he knew they both had plenty of that to do. Something tugged at the back of his mind still. Frustration.. it was too easy to want to blame her, or anyone, for what had happened. "I.." his words faltered, helpless as she pressed her nose to his cheek. A flame ignited in his heart, wild and reckless, consuming him entirely. "Where.. where have you been? Is Inverno the only one you've seen?" Knowing, somehow, that Inverno had made it was refreshing as much as hurt too. Never would he wish any harm to him, but knowing he'd spent time with Caelum was unnerving. She would've mentioned anyone else, right? His heart surged, briefly, with hope - something he hadn't felt in far too long.

Zephyr knew he was being wistful. Time had changed so much. She might not even want to be in his presence, when she knew everything. Maybe she'd even explode on him as he had once, on her, with all of her own pain and heartache. But was it so bad to enjoy it now? He exhaled slowly, finally pulling himself closer to her. It came naturally to him, as he moved to slide his head over her neck, pulling her close as though in an embrace, but he couldn't help but feel like he was doing something wrong. It felt so right though, at the same time. Like coming home after a long, arduous day of work - like finding a pool of water in the middle of a scorching desert and realizing you'd been more parched than you realized. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her until that moment, and he sighed in relief, though even his breath quivered with anxiety still. He couldn't quite understand how something that felt so good could also hurt so badly.