But I Promised You That I Will See You Again...
Winter was in full swing by this time. And Hansel had hardly left his den since the last meeting. He didn't want to admit it, but he knew he had been growing too old and lacking the energy to do much. His appetite had nearly become depleted weeks ago, his frame no longer bulky nor his fur well kept. He felt like a skeleton of his former self, and although he had tried his best to push through life for as long as he could, fate would deny him that chance. Just like it had denied him the chance to be happy...
He lay curled in his den, blue eyes that were once clear were now dull and glazing. His bones ached with every movement, his lungs hurt with every breath of cold air. Swallowing, he regretted not doing more since he had come back to Abaven. To Bass. The younger male was the closest thing Hansel had to family, more since his had been taken away from him far too soon. Shifting a bit, the old male shivered when a rush of cold air swept into his den. It was then that he struggled to his feet, not wanting to remain where he was. He felt pathetic, to say the least. But even when he was in pain, he always managed to hide it from the pack members he occasionally passed.
Now though, he would slowly make his way towards the river. The ground beneath his paws was deathly cold, and it felt like the world itself had already succumbed to deaths grip. Even so, it was...refreshing. He wanted to be outside, to try and see the world instead of lying in a miserable heap in his den. Ears flicked as he heard the gentler rush of the river. He had chosen to make his den closer to the part that wasn't so dangerous, a little more...serene and less intimidating. Step by step, he seemed to almost shuffle and hobble his way to the waters edge. The cold season only working against his body and seemingly freezing up his joints even worse then the previous season. Harmony had told him that she had herbs to help, but being the stubborn old coot that he was, he refused it. Believing he didn't need it. Now he didn't know whether or not he regretted that decision, but his mule headed self would probably still deny it even now.
Finally, after several painful moments, he had made it to the water. The scarred male slowly leaned down to drink, his body shivering as the icy water slid down his throat. When he finished, he stared at the moving river...always moving. Always changing. Shifting the world around it in some form. Just like the way his life shifted. Could he have changed anything the way the river changed its environment? Probably not. Though he wished...day and night...how he wished he could have saved them...
Gretel...his beloved twin sister...taken away from him much too soon. Rescuing her, only for her to die not long after. Alice...the one and only that he had ever come to love with his entire being. His eyes narrowed on the water, swallowing back the pain that began to rise. But it wasn't just physical pain...it was also the pain of his memories, driving themselves to his heart. And he could feel it. "Alice...I'm...sorry I wasn't there when...you needed me..." Every day he blamed himself. Had he been there...he felt that he could have prevented her death, and the deaths of their newborn litter. Rainer...Winter...their tiny bodies lifeless and cold...and Brand...he had searched and searched the aftermath, but nowhere could he find his baby boy...he didn't know if the rogues had killed him, or taken him away...but everyday Hansel had lived with the thought that they were all dead. Four graves were made that day. Alice...Rainer...Winter...and the empty, bodiless grave he dared to dig for Brand. Had his baby boy survived, then he would be three now. One handsome, wonderful, amazing man. His throat tightened on that thought...They could have all been amazing and wonderful...
His eyes squeezed shut as tears threatened to spill, his yellowed teeth gritting and grinding hard together. His throat tightened, chest tightening as well. And then it would seem a sudden, painful heartbeat would force him to gasp for air, bringing the man to fall to the ground just beyond the waters touch. It was at this point, tears would begin to slide down, staining his grey and white fur. He lay on his right side, heart beating painfully as his chest seemed to tighten even more. It felt harder for him to breath, and he was now left struggling for air. He didn't have the strength to call for any help...and although he didn't want to acknowledge it...he knew, that today would be his last. |
