Gotta stop holding me the way you do

*Mercy I* · 12-01-2016, 02:18 AM

The silence spread on, and she grit her teeth together. There was no way in hell that she would be the first one to break the ice that had formed between them, or the walls she had already started to build back up again. Every second of silence was just another layer of brick, she was slathering it on thick. He didn't know how much he meant to her, but that was probably the problem. Even though she had a feeling, an inkling that it would be about their relationship, it still didn't prepare her for the words that came out of his mouth. She grew even more stiff, her back ramrod stiff as her eyes narrowed. Did he have so little self worth that he thought that she was using him? Her lips did curl up into a snarl this time, a low growl rumbling in her belly. Still it took her a few moments to reply, fighting her initial anger to get out a clear word. "You're pretty fucking useless if I am just here to use you," she roared at him, chin tipping upward slightly to try and hide the flood of emotion on her face. "Why the fuck would I want someone who questions everything I had thought? Who demands nothing and yet gives everything? Why the fuck would I want to use you when you make me want to give my heart away all over again?" she stood finally, her tail aligning with her spine as she lowered her head as well. Taking two lumbering steps towards him, she stopped as her legs shook. She wasn't strong enough to do this, she had never been good with emotional bullshit. Sure she may react at the slightest thing, but this was real deep shit that she didn't like getting on her paws. "If I was just here to use you I would have been long gone, buddy. I wouldn't just come for a fuck if you tore my heart away every time I left your side. So why, why do I do it? Because I'm fucking scared, okay? There, I said it you stupid fucking bastard are you happy now? I'M SCARED!" she was screaming now, her eyes betraying her as they grew misty. "Everyone I have ever given myself to has up and vanished, leaving me behind. Promises of sticking around mean nothing, they are falling on deaf ears because it keeps fucking happening! Why in the ever loving FUCK would I do that, Gethin? Why the shit would I put myself through all these motherfucking feelings if you didn't mean anything to me?" The rage was overflowing, her chin nearly touching the ground as she quivered where she stood.

But he had asked another question, and that was what was he to her. That, she didn't know. She didn't have a label to slap on their little fucked up mess of lives, nor did she want to call it this or that. She refused to use the word loving, knowing the full implications of it. It made wolves leave, that's what it did. It tore her into pieces until she went on a fighting tirade and nearly killed herself. It made her cross into pack lands and pick a fight with alphas. It did some pretty messed up shit and she didn't want that. "What do you want from me Gethin? I don't have shit for you. I don't have early morning cuddles and breakfast at a fucking shitty little romantic ass creek, I don't have lovey dovey, stab yourself in the throat, overly sweet little kisses. I don't have love left inside me. I have lust, anger, and teeth. That's all I am, and that's all I will ever be! So if you want more, than you should just... just...!" Mercy was nearly panting from all this exertion, her boiling emotions in overdrive. But she couldn't finish her sentence, she couldn't tell him to leave. The word was sitting painfully in her throat, making it hard to swallow around it. It was right there, it wanted to come up but she forced it down. Stopping, she looked away from him at a patch of tall grass. She needed to bite something, anything. Strutting over to the grass, she bit down and the base and tore the chunk out of the earth. Shaking her head with a series of growls, she tore up the blades of grass as dirt flew everywhere. Gasping, she dropped the bundle and plopped her ass down right where she was, refusing to even look at him.

"SPEAK"

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Gotta stop holding me the way you do

Mercy I