Hazy Shade of Winter

What he wouldn't give for things to simply go back to how they had been. Despite the fact that he blamed her, he would do anything to change things so that he hadn't left that night. Maybe he could've alerted the back to the attackers before it was too late. No matter how badly he wanted to undo all the hurt that he had done, to forget all the blame and the frustration.. it wasn't that easy to let go. Even as he lay here with here, he felt it gnawing away at his core - a slight desire to lash out, to cause her hurt again as he had last time, though for now the nostalgia and the familiarity of her touch had been enough to keep his demons at bay.

He longed to wipe away her tears that continued to fall, though seemingly for a different reason now. Something had shattered, something they had tried so desperately to cling to, though he knew the serenity wouldn't last forever. It had been brief enough to keep him wanting more. She pulled away then, twisting away from him and he retracted in turn. Did she want an apology? No words came out, even as he tried, as his jaw unhinged and a breath of air left his throat. He couldn't apologize, and he couldn't explain anything right now. Didn't know, truthfully, if he even wanted to apologize. Zephyr hadn't done anything wrong. He would've died for her, for their children, a thousand times over in order to save them, but he'd never gotten the chance.

He couldn't but feel stunned as she moved further away from him, an air of.. finality settling around them. For this encounter, at least. He should've expected it, since he hadn't said much to keep her here. His own grizzled features contorted in a look of confusing, almost pleading with her to stay though still he was silent, finding speech nearly impossible. Last time, he'd told her to leave.. had welcomed her departure readily, feeling more anger around her than anything. But now he felt his heart break a thousand times over, though mingled with the hurt was raw anger and that all-too-familiar sense of blame. Here she was, running away.. for the third time now. Though perhaps, by not speaking, he had also mentally checked out in a more serious way. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as she stammered over her words.

"Don't-" he mumbled weakly, unfurling from where he'd lay against her as she stood and turned from him. His sea-green gaze lay on her, pained and helpless as she quivered there. Dark-furred ears flicked uncomfortably, as though waiting for some kind of answer or solution to come to him. He'd thought about this all for so long, and while he thought that he'd found some kind of solace in the blame he placed on her, suddenly it didn't feel like the right answer at all. He didn't know what could fix this, so he simply watched as she moved away, silently hoping that this wouldn't be the last time. There was so much left unsaid.