These voices

*Elias* · (This post was last modified: 12-25-2016, 04:06 PM by Elias.)

He had been wandering around south Boreas for some time now, doing his best to manage a healthy balance between guilt and understanding for the things he'd done up until this point. He'd come to Boreas with the thought in mind that he was going to change, he wasn't going to give in to the will of his darker callings, he was going to be strong.. like his father. His father was a heroic man that understood broken people and used his own stable mindset and strong shoulders to support those that lacked either of those, and sometimes both. His thoughts trailed back to the beginning, his lessons with his father.. back when his mother was still sane. Back before he had any scars.

The dark red muscle of his tongue flicked beyond his inky lips and pulled along the marred flesh of his snout, trailing over the etching left by the cougar his sister and him had fought off. The memory of finding the cougar just outside the den was so vivid in his mind's eye. Nothing else in the world had been on his mind other than his need to protect his family, and together the two chased the cat until they'd been able to catch it and ensure the thing was dead and would not come back. They'd labeled them both heroes, but some part of him wondered if he didn't just jump on the opportunity for an adrenaline rush.

That was the problem with him, you see. He'd been pushed to too many extremes, forced to endure tragedy beyond his control and even forced to put the very same trauma on his family. Once you're mind is pushed to those extremes and has learned how to handle situations that most can not fathom, it's incredibly hard not to find yourself... bored... with mundane living. Was the boredom the reason his demons spoke so loudly in his ears? He couldn't help but wonder.

He still remembered the first time he'd ever harmed someone he'd loved, it was his sister. Not Eliana, but Pyra- born of his father and a white woman named Spirit. She suited her name well, she had always been a red-headed little spitfire. Her and Acere were equally strong beasts, having come from the same litter. It was something that their father admired in her- being able to compete evenly with the boys. When their mother married in a new alpha male, however, things changed very suddenly. Dae taught them the difference between males and females, taught them that they each had very unique roles. It was unfathomable the things that that man believed, and something told him his mother didn't fully understand what she was bringing to the pack when she mated with him. She disappeared shortly after we all fully began to understand what evil they'd found themselves at the mercy of.

According to Dae, Pyra did not act like a lady.. not in the slightest. She wanted to be a warrior, but had a tendency of.. distracting the guys during training. Elias couldn't blame them, but it did always annoy him a little bit. Pyra was just a flirt, and she was good at teasing when it came to training.. she was easily one of the strongest of the progeny. She'd antagonize others until they challenged her, and then she'd immediately show them the error of their ways. Elias couldn't recall ever seeing her lose a fight, and he had been especially careful of avoiding getting himself in her crosshairs. Dae didn't like what he saw, and it started with him forbidding her to train with the rest of the youths. Elias wasn't sure what exactly happened to her after that, though most of them had taken to being elusive at that point.. especially Eliana. Dae had given the majority of them scars by now, except for Elias of course- but only because Elias complied with whatever the man wanted. At the time, Elias had thought keeping peace with the man would keep his family safe, but it wasn't long before he realized that keeping peace with the man was the worst thing he could have done for his family.

When Dae called for him, he wasn't prepared for what he found himself walking up on when he answered that call. Dae was standing tall with two of Elias' siblings cowering in his company, Pyra and Acere. Pyra's leg was completely broken and Elias could tell that despite the fact that she was still standing, she was in incredible pain- there was a visible shake and in the heat of the jungle, there was no cold that could be used as an excuse. She was hurting. Acere's pristine white coat was marred with blood and he was on the ground on his side, for a moment Elias was scared that he was dead.. but the bubbles in the pink froth around his nose and his faint breathing let him know that he was hanging on, at least for now. For the first time, Elias had wanted to kill another wolf.. he couldn't hide his seething rage as he looked up to the alpha and waited for an explanation.

Nothing that man said made sense, he spewed his wacky logic to Elias but it all fell on deaf ears. Elias knew that just because Pyra was female, it didn't make her any different than the rest of them. He knew that, but Dae would not be happy until Elias practiced the way of living Dae believed to be the best. He soon realized that Dae had ordered Acere to mount Pyra, his own sister from the very same litter.. Acere had obviously protested, and Elias was left to believe that was how he ended up on the floor like he was now. He wanted Elias to finish the job, to humiliate Pyra and show her what she 'was made for' in this life. That was the first time Elias' mind was forced to switch, that was finally the last straw.. by then he'd already accumulated his scar from the bear, buried his father, and watched his mother walk out. None of that could have prepared him for dealing with this. None of it.

He blacked out, but he knew what happened. He knew by the look on Pyra's face every time he brought her food, by the way she behaved around him. Dae broke her, and he used Elias to do it. His black outs happened more frequently after that, but he'd been so obsessed with uncovering the truth behind what his mind was hiding from him that eventually... he didn't have to black out to commit those crimes. He remembered them in full detail now, and perhaps that was the reason he found himself searching the south for any signs of the woman he'd forced himself upon. Zuriel.

This wasn't the way he wanted things to go when he left the pack. He wanted to protect his family and change, he wanted to find something within himself that might bring a shred of pride to his father if he were still alive. Something. He fought with himself about running into her again; he was torn between leaving her in peace or finding her and trying to set things right. He couldn't let her become broken like Pyra.

He'd heard Faite's howl and he knew almost immediately where Zuriel might be. He imagined she'd want to find her sister after going through something like that, but the smell of Lirim kept him at bay. He didn't want to get caught up with her family.. not without.. talking to her first. He needed to express his guilt, and remind her that she was worthwhile- she didn't deserve what had happened to her. When he came across her trail, his heart stopped as he realized that she was alone. He followed it while fighting a constant pull on his psyche, a pull so strong he felt light-headed while he tried to keep his sanity. He was determined to keep his heart close this time, he was determined to exercise what little compassion he had to offer.

When he finally followed the trail for long enough that he could see her, the world seemed to stop and his mind seemed to quiet. He was breathless, his eyes on the slight swell of her stomach that he distinctly remembered being a slender part of her lithe build the last time they'd met. Suddenly, he felt so weak. What had he done? All he could do was stand there.

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