give me forever for a while[PACK CHALLENGE]

• Attacks -1
• Positioning -1
• Directions -0
• Movements -0
• Injuries -0

• chest slam +2
• shoulder to windpipe +3
• bite to spine +3
• paw across shoulders/weight +1

• Lowered center of gravity
• chin tucked to protect throat
• claws digging in
• tail level for balance
• ears flattened

• No Injuries

• +2 Novice fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• Pack Wolf +1
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

LIAR:


WRITING

6/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts -1
• Godmoding -0
• If/Than Statements -1
• Excessive Movement -1
• Realism -1

• Attacks -2
• Positioning -0
• Directions -0
• Movements -2
• Injuries -0

• bite to elbow +3
• stomp +1

• legs equally spread
• tail level with spine
• chin tucked
• ears pinned
• hackles raised

• no injuries

• +1 Beginner fighter
• +1 Beginner intellectual

• Loner +0
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

REGULUS:


WRITING

7/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts -1
• Godmoding -1
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• Realism -1

• Attacks -2
• Positioning -1
• Directions
• Movements -1
• Injuries -0

• bite to eyes +3
• chest slam +2

• eyes narrowed
• chin down to guard throat
• ears flattened
• scruff bunched up to protect spine
• lowered center of gravity

• light bruise -1
• Severe injury to elbow -3

• +2 Novice fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• Pack Wolf +1
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 2: Your major issue this time was in not addressing one of Liar’s attacks. Since you didn’t make it clear whether the attack landed or if your own attack was a counter, you left it open to interpretation by the reader and this resulted in points being lost from both powerplay (for ignoring an attack) and clarity (for it being unclear what your intention was with the attack). Your other major problem was his movement towards Liar after Regulus’ round 1 attack failed. You have him twist towards Liar, but then from there it is unclear whether he also turned his hindquarters to face that direction as well, leaving his positioning uncertain after that which also affects the clarity and possibly the realism of his attack. It is also unclear what part of Liar’s shoulder is being attacked. A minor issue you also had was that it was unclear that your timing for the chest slam was an attempt, as it seems to assume that Liar’s paw has not struck the ground at that time. Once again it was a bit of a struggle to read some of the longer sentence structure. Although it is certainly good to include details, if you do not break the details up into digestible chunks your clarity will suffer.

LIAR:


WRITING

6/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts -1
• Godmoding
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement -1
• Realism -2

• Attacks
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements -2
• Injuries -2

• attempting to keep grip on elbow +1
• bite to throat +2

• eyes narrowed
• hackles raised
• scruff scrunched
• ears pinned
• limbs spread

• moderate bite wound on face -2
• moderate bruising -2

• +1 Beginner fighter
• +1 Beginner intellectual

• Loner +0
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 2: A lot of your issues this round was related to movement. Pay attention to how you word movements, as a lot of these ones I couldn’t picture what you meant. “Twisted his rump to his left” for instance, is not very clear about how this movement is taking place. Realism was also a big blow to your score here. Make sure that when you name a defense it would actually defend the way you claim it would - it isn’t more difficult to grab a scruff when it’s bunched up (easier in fact) nor does bending their joints to be lower protect their neck. Both are valid defenses - neither do what you say they would. You also have Regulus’ shoulder slam helping Liar’s pivot, but he is pivoting AROUND his forehand so being hit there would just stagger him, not help complete the pivot. It would only help if his weight were on his hindquarters and he was moving his front half instead. Remember, wording is important - you have Regulus’ bite “Clamped shut” on Liar’s cheek but no mention of what damage was caused when he pulled away from Regulus’ grip (implied by the wording) nor did he attempt to escape it.

REGULUS:


WRITING

6/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding -1
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement -2
• Realism -1

• Attacks
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements
• Injuries -1

• attempting to worsen grip +1
• bite to throat +3 (severity attempt)
• hook to the leg +1

• chin tucked
• lowered center of gravity
• ears pinned
• shoulders rolled forward/scruff rolled
• hackles raised

• severe tendon laceration -3 (judge assigned)
• moderate bruising -2

• +2 Novice fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• Pack Wolf +1
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 3: You were much better in this round. You had two major issues. The first was that you had way too much movement going on in your post. You have him shaking the grip he has, then pivot him 180*, drop him, then raise him up again, and have him bite again. It’s a lot going on that your opponent doesn’t have time to respond to. Your second major issue centered around Regulus’ wound. You lost both clarity and PP points on that one, first for failing to specify how bad the wound was (it can’t be moderate to severe, it has to be one or the other and realistically, a wound to a tendon is severe) and then for ignoring it when you attack. Realistically, Liar’s much smaller height would mean Regulus has to crouch down quite far to attack in that way, so the lunge you describe would absolutely need forepaws to balance him unless Regulus had the craziest core strength of any wolf alive, so when he lifted his uninjured foreleg to attack, that left only his (severely, should be currently unusably even with adrenaline) injured leg for balancing his weight.


LIAR:


WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding -1
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• Realism -1

• Attacks -1
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements -1
• Injuries -2

• bite to face (maim) +3
• foot thing +1

• tail level with spine
• ears pinned
• hackles raised
• scruff rolled forward
• toes spread

• Moderate wound to nose (judge decided) -2

• +1 Beginner fighter
• +1 Beginner intellectual

• Loner +0
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 3: You also did much better this round. Your biggest issue was in responding to Regulus’ attack. You aren’t really clear which part of the nose he got scratches on (the leathery part? The top? The side of the muzzle? Remember that the nose leather is very sensitive) nor is it realistic to get minor scratches from a wolf bite. Remember that an adult canine’s teeth are actually pretty dull (not small and sharp like a puppy) so scratches aren’t realistic damage from them anyway, but additionally to have been “feeling the sheer impact of the bite” implies a much harder impact, especially from an attempted maim. With those two matters together I felt as a judge that not enough damage was taken from the attack, and assigned the extra damage. Your only other major issue was with one of your attacks, the stomp with the paw? I had very little idea what was going on with that one. It didn’t seem like it would be a very effective attack as described, particularly with the size difference, but I do appreciate how difficult it is to find attacks in odd positions like that. Just make sure to be more precise with your wording so the reader knows what he’s trying to do - instead of trying to “push it” onto Regulus’ ankle, maybe “slam it down” into Regulus’ ankle, showing that you’re trying to use great force. You do say later that he attempted to come down with force, but breaking it up like that is confusing and I had to reread it a few times to get what was going on.

REGULUS:


WRITING

6/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding
• If/Than Statements -1
• Excessive Movement -2
• Realism -1

• Attacks -1
• Positioning -1
• Directions
• Movements
• Injuries

• chest slam +2
• shoulder slam +1
• bite to spine +3
• paw grip +1

• claws dug in
• narrowed eyes
• ears pinned
• throat covered
• scruff bunched up

• moderate lacerations to face -2

• +2 Novice fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• Pack Wolf +1
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 4: You may have noticed a missing point that wasn’t mentioned in any of the sub-categories. After consultation this point was removed for unsportsmanlike ooc behavior in the post due to an unnecessary level of cattiness regarding the previous post. The comments were in no way necessary to the post or the character. Onto the post itself: a major problem I had was that it was issues with the realism for Regulus’ movements, first to turn towards Liar with as little room between them as there was, and also to be positioned where he was. With the size difference in length, if Liar were presumably by Regulus’ head in order to bite his face, and assuming that Regulus were actually far enough away to pivot on his hindquarters toward Liar, if they were roughly perpendicular Regulus’ chest would be at Liar’s hip. That discrepancy in positioning left things a little confusing for me as to whether he was at an angle to Liar or not. There were a couple issues with attacks or movements depending on the success of a previous attack or movement as well.

LIAR:


WRITING

7/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding -1
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• Realism -2

• Attacks -1
• Positioning -2
• Directions
• Movements -1
• Injuries -1

• bite to scruff +2
• attempted forearm grip +2

• throat covered
• claws gripping
• eyes narrowed
• ears pinned
• hackles raised

• moderate bite wound -2
• mild bruising to chest -1
• mild bruising to left side of chest -1 (judge added)

• +1 Beginner fighter
• +1 Beginner intellectual

• Loner +0
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 4: I had an extremely difficult time working through Liar’s initial movements. Not knowing how he was moving (I couldn’t figure out what you meant by using his right limbs in a bounding jump - was he sidestepping or was he pivoting or jumping all four feet sideways? It took me a while to figure out) it was difficult to figure out his final position, made more difficult by it being said that Liar was facing Regulus’ right shoulder while the rest of the post made it seem they were face to face. The amount of damage Liar took from a much larger wolf driving into his chest was unrealistic as well, so damage was added to the attack that landed without any stated. Regulus is six inches taller and much heavier, so the power from his hind legs would be quite a lot even without distance to work up to a run. You need to keep in mind those size differences. There were issues with your attacks as well, one of which also stems from forgetting the size difference between them. You have Regulus get his arm around Liar, which would put his head (and scruff) pretty far above Liar’s, but he attempts to bite the center of Regulus’ scruff (over the back of his neck). Having allowed him that leg hold you also have Liar rear up and attempt to wrap his own legs around Regulus’ shoulders, but there isn’t a way Liar could do on his left side with Regulus’ elbow on Liar’s shoulder.

REGULUS:


WRITING

10/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• Realism

• Attacks
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements
• Injuries

• full body shove +2
• maim attempt to foreleg +3

• eyes narrowed
• ears pinned
• hackles raised
• claws dug in for traction
• hind legs squared

• mild bruising on chest -1
• mild bruising on right shoulder -1
• mild bruise on cheek -1
• moderate lacerations in scruff -2

• +2 Novice fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• Pack Wolf +1
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 5: … well this round went pretty well for you. I don’t really have a whole lot to add except that you’re taking more damage than you really need to and point out for everyone’s benefit how much it would help scores to work on skills.

LIAR:


WRITING

6/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding -1
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement -1
• Realism -2

• Attacks -1
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements
• Injuries -1

• shoulder slam to throat +3
• bite to shoulder +2

• paws spread
• eyes narrowed
• ears pinned
• hackles raised
• scruff rolled

• moderate wound to shoulder -2
• mild bruising to chest (judge added) -1

• +1 Beginner fighter
• +1 Beginner intellectual

• Loner +0
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 5: Your major problem this round was that Regulus’ attacks came simultaneously - at the same time - but you responded to them as though they happened one after the other, which dropped your score in several categories. It also made Regulus’ bite land somewhere it should not have if it had happened at the same time as his shove, so that confused matters as well. Additionally, you lost points in realism concerning Regulus’ initial shove. Remember, Regulus is six inches taller and much heavier than Liar - having all that weight thrown him when he’s on his hind legs (an unnatural and precarious position for a quadruped even with being able to balance his forelegs on Regulus) wouldn’t just result in mildly uncomfortable feelings and easily backing up a couple inches.

REGULUS:


WRITING

7/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• Realism -2

• Attacks
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements
• Injuries

• bite to forearm (maim, grip) +4
• chest slam +2
• hooked foreleg +1
• shoulder slam +1

• ears pinned
• hackles raised
• tail level
• eyes narrowed
• claws dug in

• mild lacerations -1

• +2 Novice fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• Pack Wolf +1
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 6: You lost another point overall for this post, which has unnecessarily ooc and rude commentary on the last post. On the post, your main issue here was realism. You seem to have struggled a lot to work his movements around his injury realistically. You made a really good attempt but had some issues. Several of his movements (his leaping pivot, his shoulder attack after lifting his left forepaw) his balance would have been severely compromised without his right forepaw on the ground.

LIAR:


WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• Realism -2

• Attacks -1
• Positioning -2
• Directions
• Movements -1
• Injuries -1

• bite to throat +3
• paw stomp +1

• ears pinned
• eyes narrowed
• evenly distributed weight
• toes spread
• hackles raised

• moderate wound on chest -2
• moderate bruising -2

• +1 Beginner fighter
• +1 Beginner intellectual

• Loner +0
• No unhealed event status +2
• No unhealed fight status +2

Notes for Round 6: This post was quite confusing at first glance. It is unclear how he used his back leg to move, or where he was positioned when he stopped moving, partly because you have Regulus’ bite hit Liar’s chest which is quite a bit lower than where Regulus is aiming, and too far out of reach unless Liar backed up when he moved to be parallel to him. Again, keep in mind the size difference between the two wolves. It’s unlikely that a wolf six inches smaller would have the weight to pin down a larger wolf’s paw, and even more unlikely to break toes just by stomping alone. You also don’t mention which paw he lifts, or which paw he is attempting to stomp.