white lies

He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I know what that’s like.” He murmured, mostly to himself, but he moved just a bit closer to poser when he did. He knew what it was like to have a secret eat away at the soul. He wanted to avoid thinking about it for now, he wanted to just relax in Poser’s gentle embrace but the horrible reality of what he had done remained ever present in his mind. He didn’t react to it the same way he had before but it was still there, nagging, gnawing slowing away at his soul until there was nothing left.

He didn’t know how much time had passed since he first ate the cannabis but it felt like a long time. Since relaxing from his meltdown he had been unable to fully open his eyes, the plant still pressed against his gums. He felt thirsty again but he didn’t want to move, didn’t want Poser to move either. For the first time in a long time he felt totally at ease and he wanted to stay that way forever.

He brushed off the comment, the reality of being with another man still far from his mind. He had never seen the appeal in women although Yosep commanded that his believers should multiply and deemed any sexual act contrary to that as blasphemy. He had long ago accepted that he would not pass the torch of the name Daser. Whenever females touched him in any way that was intimate it made him feel disgusted, it made his skin crawl just thinking about it. But he liked Poser, he liked the way Poser had touched him, and the way Poser made his heart flutter whenever he spoke in that rich deep accent. Maybe, he thought, his mind still delirious from the herb, he was meant to only be with the gods.