Absolutely Pished

He looked at the male silently, sizing him up. He was big much bigger than him and he assumed much stronger. Fighting was out of the question, especially when returning injured would diminish the value of his coup. That meant using his wits, and especially his dumb luck. He knew very little about the wolves here, but had noticed a trend of them being particularly polite, especially when the alternative to him was insulting someone’s mother as a matter of principal. He could only hope that his assumption was right, and so, he spoke in his raw native dialect, and spoke as fast as he could manage  "Ye want tae know wha am here, aye? Well just sit ye doon an all tell ye. It oll started wi' this wee'un, comes up tae me an' says..." He raised his voice to a falsetto. ""'Oy, a 'eard ye got roit pished the ither nicht on bloody peaches an' pumped a bar!' His voice returned to his usual gruff baritone. "A lookit this wee shite an' a tells 'im, am nae dinny, and 'e pisses off roit after. Next ting a know, me boss comes up tae me an' asks me if ave been on dead fruit. A tells 'im a were ne'er an' he tells me Wee Aodh's been tellin' erryone a shagged a bloody bar after gettin' pished! Aw'rite, sae as the royal guard a walk up tae Aodh an' a tells 'im, "A shagged yer wife! 'Tis nae my fault she's fat enou' tae be a bar!" Noo as am sure ye ken, those're wirds worth a glassing as we like tae call it. Ting of it though, Aodh's jus' a wee ting, nae bigger'n a deer's wee'un, an' he's leukin' tae fight me, who as ye might ken be a roit beg fella. He dinna care though, 'e's hurtin' o'er 'is puir fat wife. So 'e comes at me, an' a picks 'im up by the scruff an' toss 'im doon. Li'l shite scrambles awa' after thet, but me boss dinna like that a dishonored anither man's wife, an' him an' Aodh's been mates since they was cabbages, so am suddenly flintin'. “ He sighed heavily and shook his head. "Some people cannae take a bloody joke, aye? The damn bastards.  But tare this; as am headin' oot, a sees a bloody bar with wee'uns, an' all of 'em has black an' tan far an' green eyes.” He paused and then spoke as clearly as he could manage, with every intention of being understood: " “So all ask ye ser, wot d'ye make o' that?"

This is him talking