Bulls In The Bronx [Raid]

• -1 Attacks
• -1 Positioning
• Directions
• -1 Movements
• Damage

• +2 shoulder slam to chest
• +3 Bite to ear (maim attempt)

• eyes narrowed
• ears pinned
• claws digging in
• hackles raised
• tail moving for balance

• no injuries

• +1 Beginner Fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual

• pack wolf
• no unhealed event status
• no unhealed fight status

VALDIS:


WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• -1 Godmoding
• If/Than Statements
• Excessive Movement
• -1 Realism

• Attacks
• Positioning
• Directions
• -1 Movements
• Damage

• +3 Shoulder slam to right shoulder ligaments (severity)
• +2 chest slam
• +3 Bite to face (maim attempt)
• +1 paw stomp

• head level with spine
• chin tucked
• limbs spread equally
• joints bent slightly
• ears pinned
(there were more but only listed random ones for the five needed)

• no injuries

Status

4/12 for Experience:
• +1 Beginner Fighter
• +3 Intermediate Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
• pack wolf
• no unhealed event status
• no unhealed fight status

VALDIS’ round one total: 50/62







ROUND TWO


CASTIEL:


WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding
• If/Than Statements -1
• Excessive Movement
• Realism -1
4/10 for Clarity:
• Attacks -2
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements -2
• Damage -2
6/10 for Attacks:
• shoulder slam (counter) +2
• bite to neck +2
• chest shove +1
• paw stomp +1
5/5 for Defenses:
• eyes narrowed
• ears pinned
• hackles raised
• stance widened
• tail out for balance
5/10 for Injuries:
• severe bruising right shoulder -2
• deep puncture wounds/possible tearing to left cheek -3

Status

2/12 for Experience:
• +1 Beginner Fighter
• +1 Beginner Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
• pack wolf
• no unhealed event status
• no unhealed fight status

CASTIEL’s round two total: 35/62



VALDIS:


WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
• Godmoding -1
• If/Than Statements -1
• Excessive Movement
• Realism
8/10 for Clarity:
• Attacks -1
• Positioning
• Directions
• Movements
• Damage -1
6/10 for Attacks:
• bite to lower jaw +3
• bear hug to neck +2
• pulling down +1
5/5 for Defenses:
• eyes narrowed
• ears pinned
• tail flagged for balance
• abdomen tensed for balance
• hackles raised
7/10 for Injuries:
• severe bruising to front of left shoulder -2
• minor bruising to center of chest -1

Status

4/12 for Experience:
• +1 Beginner Fighter
• +3 Intermediate Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
• pack wolf
• no unhealed event status
• no unhealed fight status

VALDIS’ round two total: 43/62





Totals:




CASTIEL: 78/124
VALDIS: 93/124





And the winner is...



VALDIS! CASTIEL must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Valdis has won the right for their maim to go through, and Castiel will now be blinded in his left eye. Valdis may move on to a new fight in the raid. Remember that all wounds taken in this fight count towards the next regardless of ooc time passed.



Damage:

CASTIEL:
• severe bruising to right shoulder: 2 ooc weeks
• deep puncture wounds/possible tearing on left cheek: 3 ooc weeks
• pierced left eye: 1 ooc month and permanently blinded
VALDIS:
• severe bruising to left shoulder: 2 ooc weeks
• minor bruising to center of chest: 2 ooc days


Notes:


Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):


For KENO:

In round 1 you need to watch your wordings as far as attempts. Although “aiming” is in use as an attempt, in the context it really comes across more as “where the attack is pointed” rather than “he is attempting to hit there”. In the first round you had some issues with your clarity, though minor ones, as you weren’t clear as to where on the ear you were biting, or why he being taller would have to reach up to bite her ear, or exactly what direction he was heading straight for her from. It isn’t until a much later sentence detailing an attack that it’s a bit clearer that he’s facing her front, and even that could be referring to the side of her chest. Be clearer about where you are facing! In your second round, you suffered the most in clarity. A great deal of this was that you were a bit strange with your wording about what you wanted to happen - rather than coming across as an attempt it comes across as extremely unclear what you are trying to have happen. For instance, “the end result, supposedly, was the attempt…” Supposedly? It’s up to you to state right out that you ARE attempting something, not that you’re supposedly attempting something. It makes it very confusing otherwise. So be careful with your wording, and when it doubt, look it up to make sure that’s what you mean. Otherwise, many of your problems stemmed from attempting counters. You are extremely vague about what the results of your attempt to counter are on your other attacks, which strongly affected the clarity of those attacks, and in the case of the chest slam you also made an assumption that the counter would land and result in less damage for a completely separate attack. These contradictory issues all stem from that one counter-to-a-counter, so you can see why it’s a major issue to do them. You fail to state what the actual damage was on that chest slam, and where exactly Valdis’ bite landed - where on his left cheek do you mean, and since she was aiming for the left cheek and the eye anyway, how does that differ from her attempted placement, and therefore avoid the eye injury? You also aren’t clear that she’s obtained a grip until you mention it later. Your non-counter attacks were not clear about where they were aimed (where on the left side of her neck? Directly into her where?) and while you have him attempting to push off upwards you are also having him try to severely smash her forepaw with his forepaw, which is contradictory. But as previously stated, while there were several minor issues, the major issues in this round stemmed from your counter-to-a-counter and the confusion that caused. One thing that was nearly an issue - make sure that your defenses are based on what is specifically happening in your post. Don’t depend on throwing a bunch of canned defenses in at the beginning of your post, or you will end up not getting the points if they aren’t applicable to the actual situation.

For LUNAR:

For your first round, I had some trouble with reading your attacks, because you did so much with the chest that it took a good bit of reading and rereading to sort it out. You do need to be careful of being absolutely clear when using similar attacks. I was also not really clear on what movement shuffling was meant to designate, if you had meant it as a clear sidestep or dragging of feet - this is an issue of wording here. You also made a bit of an assumption with Castiel’s movements, or misread the previous post, because his post doesn’t state anywhere that he had to shift anywhere to align himself as he was. The only MAJOR issue I had with this round was the realism of a smaller, lighter wolf hitting a larger, heavier wolf in the sternum and knocking the wind out of them - the front of the chest has too much bone and muscle, and her momentum would already have been lessened by the first impact if it had gone through. In your second round your biggest problem was with responding to Castiel’s chest shove - although you acknowledge that it happened, you weren’t clear what, if anything, happened from it. Was there an effect? Was the bear hug meant to counter it any issues from it? You aren’t clear on that. You also have a minor issue in the clarity of her bite (I wasn’t sure if you had intended for her muzzle to be completely within his jaws or just partially) and your wording of her bear hug with the attempt to put her weight down on his neck makes it two separate attacks where pulling on him depends entirely on whether she can get her paws over his neck, because she seems to be putting her paws around him, and THEN pulling. I also don’t think I need to tell you how much of a bad idea that bite attack would have been if you guys had continued into the third round as you’d originally planned.

For both:

I would really prefer less counters in a single fight than I’m seeing in this one, though I can understand that sometimes it just presents itself so nicely it’s hard to pass up. Just remember that it is VERY hard to judge and difficult for your opponent to respond to. But I definitely don’t want to see more counters to counters. I had to go back and assign damage based on how it turned out later to make it fair, and that makes things a lot more difficult. I hope everyone is also seeing, more and more throughout this raid, how important it is to work on your skills in character, instead of just stating that they’ve trained! A lot of extra points can be gained through improving your character’s skills, whether that’s a fighting skill or not.


- By TEALAH