lay it all on me

He watched for only seconds as Gabe became angered before his sunset gaze was brought to look away. He could feel the disappointment and anger there. His ears pressed back even farther. This would be it. He would be dead and released from his eternal suffering. He closed his eyes and to one a shaky deep breath. Tears spilled over his cheeks but he stayed silent. He wouldn't let Gabe hear the hitch in his breath or the shiver of fear that ran along his spine. He had made his bed it was time to lay in it.

Then nothing came. The sound of teeth clicking brought his eyes to open and look at Gabe as he refused. There it was, the Gabe he knew making it's way to be known. Gabe wouldn't fight, not that he couldn't. No Sam knew better than to think such a thing. Gabe was just not the type to defend himself or attack.

He gave a sigh as Gabe began his lecture. How easy had Mike said killing was when it was for the Lord? He remembered the lesson that he took under Michael as a child, how he had been questioning why they needed to kill to prove they loved father. How Gabe reacted he couldn't recall but if he had to imagine it was appalled at such thoughts. That Sam could easily question these teachings and not just embrace them as they were. Well now he was embracing them.

"I know..... I can't stand it though. The only one who's ever fucked up is me and I should be the only one to receive his ire...." his voice he wasn't even sure was his. To him it sounded like he was back in time. Like he was a child again.

He didn't rise even as Gabe turned his back to him. The sound that rose from him he wasn't sure what it was. Perhaps half whine and half groan? No that wasn't it was it? He couldn't figure it out. The scent of Gabe surrounded him and he shook with the wave of emotions. Heartbreak, relief, love, lust, and a need to comfort and be comforted. He knew them all.

He knew what they asked of him and he couldn't find it in himself to erase his sins. "Don't ask it of me Lord Gabriel..... I can't do it..... They just warp into those innocent children again.... I can't just erase my sins and pretend....."