lay it all on me

As soon as he rejected the title of Lord, Samael asserted himself. Yet again, he continued his sinful ways. Gabriel was not the man his Father was. "You deny it Gabriel, but your stronger and more perfect than any of the others. You have never found the women to be tempting, you spread the gospel and sing him praises when others cannot. You are a Lord among the guardians...." Samael's voice softened near the end, trailing off. These things were true, but they did not make him divine. It made him pure. Save for his distaste for women. That was his sin, embedded within the core of his being. He curled his lip disdainfully, self loathing piqued. "My inability to feel the pull of a woman is sin. Continuing the bloodline is vital, Lucifer. My soul is tarnished, I am broken in that respect." He said sternly, shaking out his ruff anxiously. He loathed this part of himself, his attraction to men and lack of sexual desires. There was only one thing he was good for, and he couldn't even do that.

The grass rustled as Samael raised his voice. Auds would swivel back, tilting towards his skull. "yes Gabe. I. FELL. I SINNED. That doesn't mean I can stop caring. That I want to sit idly by andc watch my brothers destroy each other because I fucked up and I can't stop fucking up. You say you can protect yourself but what happens when the bite is not mine? What happens when that bite comes from Michael? Or Raphael? Or Uriel? Or Lord forbid from Abba himself? Huh?" He was going off on Gabriel, anger peeking through the cracks of his calm facade. Gabriel sighed, shoulder slumping. He had mentioned the name of the Lord. Gabriel would have to retreat to the water soon, cleanse the sins from his skin. Beg forgiveness from the Father for hearing his true name. "Then I will have deserv-" He couldn't be allowed to finish. Samael continued on his rant, his preaching. He was not going to see reason, not now, possibly not ever. "Do you know who he named me before I fell? Or do you forget that part and tell yourself I was never one to begin with? Samael Morningstar. The lover. The protector of innocence. I cannot ignore what is ingrained into my heart even to this day. I tried. It just leads to a lot of pain on my end and self blaming. I'll not sit by when he blames you or any other for my shortcomings."

That one stung. Accusations fell like venom from his tongue. The herald could never forget the past, how simple and peaceful everything had once been. The tiny, bouncy body of a young Samael shoved his phantom shoulder into Gabriel's ribs. His giddy laughter echoed quietly in the back of his mind. "Of course I remember. You think I would forget your youth and innocence? Those were some of the greatest days of my life, caring for you and your siblings. Being there to see you grow and prosper was a blessing from the Lord." He insisted, a soft and nostalgic smile daring to grace his lips. Basking in the love of those children had fuelled him, given him strength when he had otherwise none.

"It has been through my darkness that I have found a light Gabriel. I need no guidance but I wish for it. Oh I wish for it. I long to feel the love I once felt, but such is a fantasy I shall never see. So I shall rise on my own. I will protect those I can from the wrath and become who I was meant to be with or without your paws to guide me. I will be the shepherd of the sinners and take the punishment for all that find me. For it is my burden to bear the sins of others. He will not have me anymore but in my heart I still hold him." It took a moment for him to absorb all of this information, expression blank. The gears in his head spun wildly. He could hear the grass rustling, flowers crushing beneath Samael's paws. Finally, it all fit together. A soft hum would rise from his throat, chin dipping in a soft nod. "That is noble of you, Lucifer. I am proud that you have found enlightenment." He crooned softly, smiling just a little. His brother was finding where he fit in the world. It was a good place, where he was doing something helpful and beneficial to the surrounding community.

"The first punishment shall be for you Gabriel... You spoke to a demon, showed him compassion when he needed it most.... when he doubted there was good in the world still. For you I shall take the punishment. I will fall time and time again if it means those with good in their heart can continue to live in the light. If you will have those I send to you and give their punishment to me that is." This was beginning to become real. All of the sudden, Samael was asking things of him. Things he might not be able to do. Harm his brother? No, that was out of the question. It was neither his place nor was it his desire. Pushing himself rigid with long forelimbs, alabaster ears shoved tight against his skull. A quick, decisive shake of his head. "I would not harm you then, and I will not cause you pain now, Lucifer. This should not be your burden- you deserve love and tenderness from those you choose to give your heart to." He asserted, haunches unfurling to lift him into a wary stance. Part of him felt the urge to reach out, comfort the Fallen brother. He had been deeply wounded by Gabriel's betrayal, and he deserved to be free of that. Tail wagged anxiously against his heels, muscles clenching and unclenching with nerves. He didn't like the way this was going.