lay it all on me

He watched Gabe. His eyes were full of his love for his brother. It wasn't right and he knew it. He was not so stupid as to think this could be. It had been a daydream. His heart was breaking. He knew what he had to do but doing it was the hardest thing he had done all his life.

Gabe's words were heard but Sam had nothing for gabe but silence. He rose then. His feet bringing him to stand beside and behind Gabe before he sat. Hopefully Gabe would just give him this at least. That Gabe would realize what Sam was doing. His head lowered to sit atop Gabe's and between his ears. His eyes spilled tears freely now. His voice came, breaking at times but soft nonetheless. "I know, that is why I must do this. I couldn't stop myself from allowing the feeling to fester and taint me. But it's okay, it's my burden to bear, not yours. Tomorrow when you wake up I'll be gone, you'll forget I ever existed. Samael will be no more. You'll go find a man who can love you one day when father dies. If he truly loves you as he says he does Mike will get over it. Raph will learn to accept it. And I'll just be a memory that is better left behind."

He sat there in silence after that for a few moments. His ears pressed back and he gave a defeated sigh. "Should You need me I will come. You already know the name to call. If you seek to find me, look to the stars, the brightest one will be your guide." he was saying goodbye. His heart was breaking in two. Gabe was better without him. After all Gabe would never love him how he wanted and he would never be his. Sam would be no more than a memory. He would be Lucifer Morningstar, the light-bringer.

He opened his eyes and eyed the scene before them with delicateness. His voice came even softer this time. Gabe would hear him though. "the sun is high in the sky. Its rays are dancinging across the waters below... blues and greens meld perfectly with the sun making them sparkle like no other. There's maybe three clouds overhead, white and fluffy with barely a hint of grey in them, there will be no rain today. The flowers below are wilting with the fall coming. Their colors dull now from the long summer. The grasses are turning golden as well. I can see the beach below from here, it's sands are the purest of white....." he soaked it in. The scent of Gabe surrounded him and he couldn't help but feel like he did. The love he radiated for gabe. If Gabe was letting him hold him for the moment then Gabe would know how the tears flowed freely from his eyes now.

This could of been had they been born differently but no not this life. This was the hardest goodbye he had ever given.