-1 I'm skeptical she could sever his tail in one bite
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-1 if Justice is squarely facing Dragons' rump I think Justice's shoulder would be in line with Dragon's right hind leg, not his testicles -1 she seems really knotted up to me by the end of all her attacks, it was difficult to follow and visualize
Directions
Movements
Damage
10/10 for Attacks:
+2 shoulder throw +1 severity
+2 chest slam
+1 leg wrap
+3 bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
list injuries (even first round, deductions beginning second)
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate/Fighter
+1 Beginner/Healer
3/5 for Health:
pack status
unhealed event status
-2 major injury from previous fight
JUSTICE’s round one total: 49/62
DRAGON:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
-1 feels like there's a lot of movement in the post from him turning all the way around, to leaping forward, to facing… perpendicularly to her left shoulder?
Realism
1/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 make sure it's clear when you're countering an attack. Kimahri's paw swipe would be a counter but you have Justice follow through despite that attack. It's confusing. -1 the side wouldn't be softer behind the elbow, you'd still be hitting ribs -1 Justice already has her left paw up thus his attempt to unbalance her isn't likely to do anything.
Positioning
-1 I'm not sure how her shoulder struck Kimahri's chest when as you say yourself he's quite a bit shorter than her. -1 what angle is Dragon attacking Justice at?
Directions
Movements
-1 Kimahri would likely need to lift his upper body to reach Justice's face
Damage
-1 how much damage did Justice's shoulder slam do to Kimahri? If you're going to have an opponents attacks strike a companion you need to account for their damage just as you would your wolf. -2 also make sure to mention why the other attacks missed him. I saw no mention of the chest slam nor the paw swipe in regards to the companion who was struck.
10/10 for Attacks:
+3 claw attack
+2 chest slam
+2 shoulder throw
+1 paw swipe
+3 bite +1 grip
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
moderate bruising to chest of companion
Status
7/12 for Experience:
+4 Advanced/Fighter
+3 Intermediate/Intellectual
3/5 for Health:
pack status
unhealed event status
-2 multiple unhealed injuries
DRAGON’s round one total: 45/62
ROUND TWO
JUSTICE:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
-1 I'm having trouble visualizing how the paw wrap and shoulder throw can happen with the attacking arm trying for a full wrap.
10/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
Directions
Movements
General
10/10 for Attacks:
+2 shoulder slam +1 severity
+2 paw wrap
+3 bite +2 maim for each eye
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
6/10 for Injuries:
-2 moderate lacerations to lower left side of face
-2 moderate lacerations to left ear
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate/Fighter
+1 Beginner/Healer
3/5 for Health:
pack status
unhealed event status
-2 major injury from previous fight
Justice’s round two total: 47/62
DRAGON:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
-1 when Justice attacked her paws were in the air not on the ground. You don't get to assume that she placed them back on the ground in that position.
If/Than Statements
-1 the wording of the bite is odd, a lot of this assumes you've already succeeded in the bite.
Excessive Movement
Realism
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 its unlikely a shoulder slam could break the patella, you also should specify which bones. There are several in the leg and I don't see how the shoulder aiming for the knee would affect say, the femur.
Positioning
-1 I'm a bit lost at how he's managing the shoulder slam for her knee with his left shoulder while also trying to pull back on her leg with the left paw. -2 how is he facing in to get at Justice? What angle is he attacking at? This point was really confusing for me. He steps to his right to avoid her attack and charges forward but that would put him past her?
JUSTICE! DRGAON must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Justice maim is successful. Both wolves are knocked from the raid and can no longer participate.
