Attempts
-1 “She snarled, lunging for her littermate.” In a fight post any movements towards/involving your opponent must be attempted.
-2 “Having been facing her brother's right shoulder, she continued forth.” Positioning would have had to have been established before the fight for this to be acceptable. Because it wasn't it should have been attempted.
-1 “Having been facing her brother's right shoulder, she continued forth.” The 'continued forth' part of this should have also been attempted.
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “Teeth would then attempt to snap at the flesh of his flank...” Where on his flank?
Positioning
-1 “Having been facing her brother's right shoulder, she continued forth.” How is she continuing forth? Is she running? Walking? Running straight towards his shoulder or arcing towards it?
4/10 for Attacks:
+2 for shoulder slam
+2 for snap
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for shoulders rolled forward
+1 for tucked tail
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for bent legs
+1 for spread toes
10/10 for Injuries:
None!
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner fighter
+1 beginner intellectual
4/5 for Health:
-1 Loner
Healthy
Sathanus’ round one total: 39/62
LEVIATHAN:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
4/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “...he would attempt a wide bite to her own right side where her shoulder had collided with him (In between shoulder blade and elbow). ” The wording here is confusing. Is he biting the point of Sathanus' right shoulder since that's what collided with him, or is he biting her right side behind the point of her right shoulder?
-1 What exactly does he intend to do with his right forepaw? Is he “punching” Sathanus' right foreleg? Swiping it out from under her?
Movements
-1 “His hind quarters would move slightly in the time he had...” More detail is needed here! Which way are they moving? Is he shuffling? Sidestepping?
Damage
-1 What damage did he take from Sathanus' shoulder throw?
-2 How severe is the bite wound to his flank? And where exactly on his flank was he bitten?
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for paw swipe
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for tensed muscles
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for bent legs
10/10 for Injuries:
Mild bruising to right shoulder area (damage assigned by judge)
Moderate puncture wounds to right flank (severity assigned by judge)
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner fighter
+1 beginner hunter
4/5 for Health:
-1 Loner
Healthy
Leviathan’s round one total: 39/62
ROUND TWO
SATHANUS:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 “She chased his retreating rump as it scooted out of reach to her right.” This should have been attempted.
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 Aren't they in more or less a 'L' position? If that's the case then she can't be kicking at his right foreleg, because it's not in reach
Positioning
-2 “...she would attempt a leftwards side step to give them space.” Whose left? And how much space? What new positioning is she hoping for?
Damage
-1 How severe are the bite wounds to her right side?
-1 How severe are the scratches to her right ankle?
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for halfhearted kick
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for rolled shoulders
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for narrows eyes
+1 for bent legs
+1 for flattened ears
7/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate slashes to right side (severity assigned by judge)
-1 for mild welts on right ankle (severity assigned by judge)
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner fighter
+1 beginner intellectual
4/5 for Health:
-1 Loner
Healthy
Sathanus' round two total: 36/62
LEVIATHAN:
WRITING
4/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-2 “...and on instinct he would lunge to bite her right loin aggressively.” This line combined with the second bite makes it sound like this bite is successful.
Godmoding
-1 “...and he would start to fall into the black girl.” The word 'into' gets you in trouble here. It implies that he is successful. A better choice would have been 'towards'
Excessive Movement
-3 for two bites
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “...on instinct he would lunge to bite her right loin aggressively.” Where on her right loin?
Damage
-1 What kind of damage did Sathanus' bite do to his thigh?
-1 What kind of damage did Sathanus' kick do to his leg?
General
-2 I'm really confused by his air swimming and the steps leading up to it, and having a hard time picturing
7/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite to right leg
+1 for kicking
+3 for second bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for muscles tensed
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for tucked tail
+1 for raised hackles
6/10 for Injuries:
-3 for moderate bite would to right hind leg
-1 for mild bruising to front right leg
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner fighter
+1 beginner hunter
4/5 for Health:
-1 Loner
Healthy
Leviathan’s round two total: 33/62
Totals:
SATHANUS: 75/124 LEVIATHAN: 72/124
And the winner is...
SATHANUS! Leviathan must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Both:
All injuries are healed at this point!
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For both: Good fight guys! I'm gonna address you both here since you both seemed to struggle with the same things. Something you both consistently lost points for was not detailing injuries. It might seem like only a couple points per post, but it really adds up!
Clarity was definitely your biggest problem area. I struggled to keep up with what was going on in this fight; a lot of what happened was left to be assumed by the opponent instead of detailed, and while that seemed to work out here, more often than not it snarls everything up. This lack of detail cost you both a fair amount of points. Cliche as it is, practice makes perfect! In your next fights, try to pay attempt to details. For me, it helps to write up a post and then let it sit for awhile. Looking at a post with fresh eyes makes a world of difference.
