ASHIEL vs DRAGON for TALIS
ROUND ONE
ASHIEL:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “...before he moved to face Dragon, leaving a space of ten feet between them.” Because this was in the actual fight post and not in a round 0 it should have been attempted or decided between you and Dragon with an ooc note to prove it.
10/10 for Clarity:
9/10 for Attacks:
- +2 for shoulder throw
+1 for severity
- +1 for toe stomp
- +3 for bite
+2 for severity
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for head and tail level with spine
- +1 for raised hackles
- +1 for weight distributed evenly
- +1 for ears flattened
- +1 for eyes narrowed
10/10 for Injuries:
Status
7/12 for Experience:
- +3 intermediate fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Ashiel’s round one total: 54/62
DRAGON:
WRITING
5/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “Finally with the last two feet of distance, Dragon lunged forward.” By stating the distance this way you are forcing your opponent to stick with the move. What if in the next post Ashiel altered his attacks in some way to counter Dragon's attacks?
- Godmoding
-1 for the companions helping (“be prepared” and “he's got a bird”). It's not fair for them to be acting as Dragon's eyes. The only role a companion can have in a fight is a single attack.
- Realism
-1 “He took a step to his left, hoping to keep them centered.” They aren't off center by much. With so little distance between fully centered and off centered the way Ashiel is I have a hard time believing Dragon can sense the difference without contact.
-1 “He sought to drive his right shoulder straight into the upper part of the taller male's throat...” They haven't made contact yet. How does he know where Ashiel's throat is?
-1 for general realism. Having fought with a blind wolf I know how hard it is to maintain realism and I don't think you struck a good balance in this post. Dragon knows things he shouldn't and is precise when he shouldn't be.
6/10 for Clarity:
- Attacks
-1 “...though he wasn't entirely sure if he'd hit his mark. His gut told him he was aiming in the right spot, or at least somewhere in that region.” Is he aiming for Ashiel's throat or not? This is one of those things where you, the player, are at a disadvantage. You absolutely have to be precise so your clarity doesn't suffer. That's difficult to do with a blind char given how easy it is to powerplay, but it is possible!
-1 “Right foreleg sought to wrap around the left side of Ashiel's neck, and his left foreleg sought to wrap around the right.” Where on the sides of his neck? The top? Middle?
- Positioning
-1 “Kimahri and Shiva slipped away, both in separate directions, aiming to put themselves on either side of the pair...” What is their new positioning? 'On either side of the pair' isn't quite precise enough.
- Damage
-1 What happened to Ashiel's shoulder throw? If it missed completely that needs to be stated.
9/10 for Attacks:
- +2 for shoulder throw
- +1 for bear hug
- +2 for chest slam
- +3 for bite
+1 for severity
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for eyes narrowed
- +1 for hackles raised
- +1 for tail level with spine
- +1 for weight distributed
- +1 for widened stance
10/10 for Injuries:
- Bruised chest
- Moderate lacerations to upper left shoulder
- Bruised right shoulder (damage assigned by opponent)
Status
8/12 for Experience:
- +4 advanced fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Dragon’s round one total: 48/62
ROUND TWO
ASHIEL:
WRITING
7/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “...launching him directly forward, underneath Dragon's body.” This should have been attempted.
- Realism
-2 If Ashiel is trying to bite Dragon's penis off then his head (even if it's tucked close to his chest) will get in the way of his shoulder attacks. The way I see it, they can't make contact where intended unless Ashiel is nearly poking his head out from between Dragon's legs. The move also requires a bit more upward movement than I think is possible for wolf shoulders. I took a point for each shoulder throw since they are separate attacks.
10/10 for Clarity:
8/10 for Attacks:
- +3 for bite
+1 for severity
- +2 for shoulder throw (right)
- +2 for shoulder throw (left)
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for tucked tail
- +1 for shoulders rolled forward
- +1 for hackles raised
- +1 for ears pinned
- +1 for chin tucked
7/10 for Injuries:
- -1 for moderate bruising to left shoulder
- -1 for light bruising to lower left side of neck
- -1 for moderate bruising to center chest
Status
7/12 for Experience:
- +3 intermediate fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Ashiel’s round two total: 48/62
DRAGON:
WRITING
4/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “Dragon would land a foot behind Ashiel...” This should have been attempted. Instead of trying to establish distance it might have been better to simply spin around and reengage, and forget about distance altogether since there's so little of it.
- Realism
-1 Because Dragon was only moving to stand up on his hind legs and slam his chest into Ashiel's chin in the last post there simply isn't enough momentum to carry him completely over Ashiel.
-1 How does he know where Ashiel's right ankle is?
-1 If he's slamming his left shoulder into Ashiel's testicles, how can his right shoulder strike the back of Ashiel's right knee? Unless Dragon's chest is extremely narrow this simply isn't possible and with their off center positioning it makes it even more unlikely.
-1 If Dragon is slamming his left shoulder into Ashiel's testicles then his chest is going to make it impossible for Dragon's bottom teeth to bite the inside of Ashiel's right thigh.
-1 same general deduction as the first round for pretty much the same reasons. This one was definitely better, though!
10/10 for Clarity:
9/10 for Attacks:
- +2 for right shoulder throw
+0 for severity (unrealistic)
- +1 for leg hook
- +2 for left shoulder throw
- +3 for bite
+1 for grip
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for pinned ears
- +1 for tail tucked
- +1 for hackles raised
- +1 for head lowered
- +1 for bent legs
10/10 for Injuries:
Status
8/12 for Experience:
- +4 advanced fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Dragon’s round two total: 51/62
ROUND THREE
ASHIEL:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “As he launched himself at Dragon...”
- Godmoding
-1 “The alpha's right forepaw would also miss snagging Ashiel's right ankle for the same reasons and instead flail about between his forelegs.” The 'flail about' got you in trouble here. Even if you're emphasizing the uselessness of the gesture, it's not fair to say his paw did something that Dragon didn't say it did.
10/10 for Clarity:
9/10 for Attacks:
- +2 for chest slam
- ++2 for shoulder throw
- +1 for leg sweep
- +3 for bite
+1 for severity
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for tucked tail
- +1 for head lowered
- +1 for eyes narrowed
- +1 for hackles raised
- +1 for ears pinned
9/10 for Injuries:
- -1 for light lacerations to upper left shoulder
Status
7/12 for Experience:
- +3 intermediate fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Ashiel’s round three total: 52/62
DRAGON:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “It was here that Kimahri would at last make an entrance, running towards the pair from Ashiel's right side...”
6/10 for Clarity:
- Attacks
-1 “Left shoulder jutted forth, aiming to slam the point of it into Ashiel's rib cage as hard as he could.” Where exactly is he aiming?
-1 “Bottom canines sought to pierce the flesh where the windpipe was...” Where exactly on the windpipe? It runs from the base of the jaw to the top of the chest.
- Positioning
-1 “He sought to align himself with the left side of Ashiel's abdomen where the rib cage ended.” What part of himself is he lining up with Ashiel's abdomen?
- Damage
-1 “Dragon's left shoulder struck Ashiel square in the center of his chest, a moderate to severe bruise sure to blossom on his own shoulder.” Is it moderate or severe?
10/10 for Attacks:
- +1 for paw swipe
- +2 for chest slam
- +1 for shoulder throw (left)
- +1 for shoulder throw (right)
- +3 for bite
- +2 for companion bite
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for ears pinned
- +1 for hackles raised
- +1 for tail raised for balance
- +1 for toes splayed
- +1 for claws dug in
5/10 for Injuries:
- -1 for moderate bruising to left shoulder
- -1 for moderate bruising to upper left chest
- -3 for severe puncture wounds behind left elbow (severity assigned by judge)
Status
8/12 for Experience:
- +4 advanced fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Dragon’s round three total: 48/62
ROUND FOUR
ASHIEL:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “Digging his hindpaws into the ground Ashiel's legs uncoiled as he launched himself toward Dragon.”
- Godmoding
-1 “He heard Griff's call and knew the fight was about to get harder.” The only aid a companion can give in a fight is their one attack.
7/10 for Clarity:
- Attacks
- Positioning
-1 “...and bring them into parallel alignment but with Ashiel facing slightly in toward Dragon's left hind leg.” Where is Ashiel along Dragon's left side? Shoulder to shoulder? Shoulder to ribs?
- Damage
-1 “However, the cat's vicious fangs still managed to connect with his upper forearm...” Which forearm?
-1 “...his left shoulder would just graze the upper left side of Ashiel's ribcage.” Did he take damage from this? Even if he didn't you need to state that or else your opponent might assume they can assign you damage.
10/10 for Attacks:
- +2 for chest slam
- +1 for shoulder throw
- +3 for bite
+1 for severity
- +1 for paw swipe
- +2 for companion attack
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for tucked tail
- +1 for raised hackles
- +1 for pinned ears
- +1 for neck level with spine
- +1 for weight distributed evenely
7/10 for Injuries:
- -1 for light lacerations to left side
- -2 for moderate puncture wounds to forearm
Status
7/12 for Experience:
- +3 intermediate fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
4/5 for Health:
Ashiel’s round four total: 48/62
DRAGON:
WRITING
6/10 for Power Play:
- Attempts
-1 “Dragon curled his upper body inwards towards his left and towards Ashiel...” This line was good up until 'towards Ashiel'
-1 “...and to bring his leg further into his mouth...”
- Godmoding
-1 By deciding to move/crouch and duck without knowing what his opponent is doing or where the attacks are aimed Dragon gets a little too lucky this round.
-1 “Dragon's ears flicked slightly when he heard a warning cry from Shiva...” The only help companions can give in fights is their one attack.
5/10 for Clarity:
- Attacks
-1 “His left shoulder lanced forward, the earthen male seeking to drive it directly into the left side of Ashiel's abdomen (stomach?) just behind his rib cage where the flesh was tender...” The place you are describing here is the flank, where Dragon is already striking with his chest.
- Positioning
-1 “Simultaneously, his right shoulder would seek to dig into Ashiel's rib cage...” If they are left to left then Dragon's right shoulder should be somewhere around Ashiel's thigh/rump area.
- Damage
-1 “Ashiel's chest would graze the upper portion of the left side of Dragon's thigh...” What damage, if any, did he take from this? Even if he didn't take any you need to state that clearly otherwise your opponent will be able to assign him damage.
-1 “Ashiel's fangs would cut into his left thigh a few inches from the top of his rump, leaving behind moderate lacerations.” That is lower, not higher, than where Ashiel was originally trying to bite.
-1 “He felt Griff's talons hit somewhere on the top of his head, ultimately lopping off part of his right ear but the adrenaline and focus on the fight had kept him from feeling exactly what damage had been done...” This reads like Dragon might have taken more damage to his head than he knows. Even if Dragon doesn't know what damage he sustained you need to state it clearly anyway.
10/10 for Attacks:
- +2 for chest slam
- +2 for companion attack
- +2 for shoulder throws
- +3 for bite
- +1 for leg hook
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for tucked tail
- +1 for pinned ears
- +1 for raised hackles
- +1 for shoulders rolled forward
- +1 for widened stance
5/10 for Injuries:
- -1 for moderate bruising to left flank
- -2 for moderate lacerations to left thigh
- -2 for partial ear amputation
Status
8/12 for Experience:
- +4 advanced fighter
- +4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
Dragon’s round four total: 44/62
Totals:
LUNAR: 202/248
DRAGON: 191 +5 (fight pass) = 196/248
And the winner is...
ASHIEL! Dragon must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Talis now belongs to Ashiel Abraxas.
Damage:
Ashiel:
- All bruising – 3 ooc days
- Light lacerations – 5 ooc days
- Moderate puncture wounds – 1 ooc week
Dragon:
- All bruising – 3 ooc days
- Severe puncture wounds – 12 oocs days
- Partially amputated ear – 12 ooc days
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For Lunar: A couple little things tripped you up in this fight. There were a couple instances where moves should have been attempted and I think that's really the only thing I noticed. As always your writing was very clear and precise. This was a good fight!
For Dragon: Talk about an uphill battle! Fighting with a blind wolf is super tricky and considering this was your first fight with him being blind you did well! My advice to you (and Dragon the character) would be to practice fighting closer to your opponent. When your character is blind it's harder for them to keep track of their opponent's movements when there's distance between them or when positioning is constantly changing. To remedy that without powerplaying keep your enemy close. If you're in constant contact with your opponent (chest to chest, bear hug, etc.) you don't have to guess as much about where good places to attack are. Damage is inevitable, but it's better to take it than to magic your way out of it because in the end the judge will chew you up for powerplaying. If you ever want to practice fighting with Dragon, let me know, I'd love a spar! Fighting with a blind character is something I'd like to learn a bit more about.
- By Lazuli
