Mending What's Broken

Sterling was delighted to hear that she'd be able to start taking light walks as soon as tomorrow. She didn't restrain herself as her charcoal dipped tail thumped against the floor of the alcove. "That's great news!" she said cheerfully, realizing how hard it had been getting for her, mentally, to stay in one cave for so long. She had never, ever stayed in one place for so long. Not even as a pup; at least, she didn't think so. She remembered being very young when her family had made the journey from the Sparse Pines in Boreas all the way to Amron's Castle in Auster. She hadn't spent much time in the den after that move, and aside from being sick as a youth, she couldn't remember staying under cover very often unless it was cold or raining. Staying behind walls where nothing ever changed save for the noises of other wolves ringing through the tunnels and alcoves was mentally draining for her.

She nodded enthusiastically when he said they could try going for a walk tomorrow. Oh and Valerian root to get to sleep? Excellent! If she was able to sleep well when tonight came, then it would make tomorrow come faster. Now she just had to get through today. She didn't suppose he was going to allow her to get up and go any sooner. Besides, she was definitely still sore, and as much as she desperately wanted to get moving, she wasn't sure if it would quite be worth it. But tomorrow... it would definitely be happening tomorrow.

Emerald eyes shifted to the seed packet he was moving around, ears pricking as he spread out his treatment materials on one of the hides he often used for carrying. She still found it fascinating the many uses he found for things she would have merely found disposable if she hadn't known better. Her head tilted as he asked her how she was liking it here, green gaze shifting to meet his sapphire and amethyst orbs. At first she considered being dishonest, to tell him that nothing was wrong and that she was really liking it here. She was reluctant to tell him what she really felt - would it bother him? She hesitated. "Uhm..." she began, pausing as she decided how to proceed, "Well, I suppose aside from being cooped up... I am a little anxious. I-I'm just not familiar with my surroundings yet, or I mean, at least not really beyond this alcove. And I'm afraid to meet anyone else. I... I know you've kinda put it behind you, but I am a Talis wolf." She paused, her eyes widening as she looked to her paws. That wasn't exactly what she'd meant.

"Or, I mean, I was," she corrected herself, ears folding back as she blinked nervously and returned her gaze to Paladin, "And I just don't know if everyone else has put it behind them. There's probably someone who won't forget it, and I'm just scared..." Saying it all out loud, she suddenly felt the intensity of her fear, and she had to force herself to stay in control of her breath. Force herself to try not to bolt and not look back. Perhaps it was why she didn't want to be honest in the first place. She'd been ignoring her fears as best as she could, but acknowledging them now made them feel more real. Although she was an adventurer at heart, she'd always gone out knowing there was a familiar place to return to, with familiar wolves amongst whom she felt safe. In Celestial, she only felt safe when Paladin was near, and even though she knew Regulus had accepted her, she still felt small in his presence. Insignificant and a drain on their resources. She felt like she couldn't just relax, although she'd been trying to ignore the feeling, trying to force herself to be okay with it by faking it.

"But... I do feel better when you come to check on me," she said, her tone genuine. She wasn't good at hiding anything; she couldn't keep secrets without someone else at least knowing one was being kept, but she also couldn't hide it when she was being as open and transparent as a clear, sunny day. Saying that out loud, as well, helped her to focus on its truth, instead of staying fixated on all of the fears she'd revealed to him - focusing on him helped her to not focus on any of her worries.