These Gangstas Ride Rockets, They Takin' Off! [Abraxas, Any Brave Souls]

• Positioning
  -1 “Ashiel backed up to widen the distance between them a few more feet as he faced the man...” How many feet?

• +1 for chest slam
• +1 for bear hug
• +2 for bite
  +1 for maim attempt

• +1 for raised hackles
• +1 for eyes narrowed
• +1 for flattened ears
• +1 for widened stance
• +1 for tail raised for balance

• None

• +3 intermediate fighter
• +4 advanced intellectual

• pack wolf? yes
• unhealed event status? no
• unhealed fight status? no

INVERNO:

WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
  -1 “Taking two steps forward Vern quickly got himself about two inches ahead of Ash...” Any movements that include your opponent must to be attempted. A statement like 'he took two steps forward in an attempt to...' would have worked.
• Excessive Movements
  -1 there's simply too much going on here. In future fights keep in mind that each post realistically covers only a few seconds of movement.

• Attacks
  -1 “...while his other three canines sought to drive into the flesh of the boys face...” Where his upper left canine lands is pretty easy to figure out because of where the upper right one is aimed, but where on Ashiel face will Vern's lower canines land if his attack is successful?
• Positioning
  -1 What is their new positioning? You said Vern is now two inches ahead of Ashiel, but what are you using to measure that two inches? The difference between Vern's chest being two inches ahead of Ashiel's chest is very different from Vern's chest being two inches ahead of Ashiel's nose.
• Damage
  -1 “...crashing the right side of his chest into the less fleshy part of Vern's right hip...” Do you mean the bony point of his hip or the back of his upper thigh as opposed to the meaty outside of his upper leg?
• General
  -1 I found this post to be difficult to follow. All the pertinent info is in it, but in many cases the sentence structure was more confusing than helpful. Grouping

• +1 for paw stomp
• +2 for bite
  +1 for severity

• +1 for tail level with spine
• +1 for ears pinned
• +1 for widened stance
• +1 for weight distributed evenly
• +1 for shoulders rolled forward

• -0 moderate bruising to right hip (first round)

• +1 beginner hunter
• +1 beginner fighter

• pack wolf? Yes (he was at the time of this fight)
• unhealed event status? no
• unhealed fight status? no

ASHIEL:

WRITING

10/10 for Power Play:

• None!

• Movement
  -1 If Ashiel is lunging upwards to bite Inverno's throat, how can he simultaneously throw both of his arms over Inverno's neck?

• +2 for bite
• +1 for bear hug

• +1 for tucked tail
• +1 for tucked chin
• +1 for raised hackles
• +1 for narrowed eyes
• +1 for flattened ears

• -1 for light bruising to chest
• -2 for moderate lacerations to right side of head

• +3 intermediate fighter
• +4 advanced intellectual

• pack wolf? yes
• unhealed event status? no
• unhealed fight status? no

INVERNO:

WRITING

6/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
  -1 “...stopping just before he would bump into the young male.” Same as the last round, if you're going to use your opponent's position to explain your new positioning you need to attempt it.
  -1 “...as he swung his open jaws back towards Ash's face. ” Same as above.
• Godmoding
  -1 “...as Ash tried to force his nose towards the ground. ”
• Excessive Movements
  -1 same as the first round.

• Movements
• Damage
  -1 “Letting Ash's teeth rip moderate to some severe lacerations in the skin on his muzzle...” Are they moderate or severe?
• General
  -1 “With moving his body he now had his head angled and untucked from his throat allowing Ash to continue to have a grip on his muzzle and able to get away from the male getting a hug grip on his neck once more, but letting his head lower as Ash tried to force his nose towards the ground.” Sentences like this one make for a confusing read. My suggestion would be to focus on one action or group of closely related actions at a time and break up run on sentences like the one above into smaller ones.

• +2 for bite

• +1 for weight distributed evenly
• +1 for tensed muscles
• +1 for eyes narrowed
• +1 for ears flattened

• -3 for severe lacerations to muzzle (severity assigned by judge)

• +1 beginner hunter
• +1 beginner fighter

• pack wolf? Yes (he was at the time of this fight)
• unhealed event status? no
• unhealed fight status? no

ASHIEL:

WRITING

10/10 for Power Play:

• None seen!

• All clear!

• +2 for bite
  +1 for severity
• +1 for paw stomp

• +1 for raised hackles
• +1 for tors splayed
• +1 for claws digging in
• +1 for ears pinned
• +1 for shoulders rolled

• -3 for severe lacerations to

• +3 intermediate fighter
• +4 advanced intellectual

• pack wolf? yes
• unhealed event status? no
• unhealed fight status? no

INVERNO:

WRITING

8/10 for Power Play:

• Attempts
  -1 “...while his right leg would simply press against the front of Ash's neck right in the middle.” This should have been attempted
• Godmoding
  -1 “He balanced himself evenly on his opponent and on his back legs.”

• Attacks
• Positioning
  -1 “A wicked smile and wild look came to the older mans eyes before he distributed his weight onto his leg legs...” Which legs?
  -1 “His left leg he would be attempting to throw over the larger male's base of his neck, just in front of his shoulder blades, while his right leg would simply press against the front of Ash's neck right in the middle.” Same as above.
• Damage
  -1 what kind of damage did Vern take from Ashiel's bite?

• +2 for bite

• +1 for weight distributed
• +1 for tail lifted for balance

• -2 for moderate puncture wounds to face

• +1 beginner hunter
• +1 beginner fighter

• pack wolf? Yes (he was at the time of this fight)
• unhealed event status? no
• unhealed fight status? no

• All bruising – 2 ooc days
• Facial wound – 2 ooc weeks

• All bruising – 2 ooc days
• Moderate and severe lacerations – 2 ooc weeks
• Eye – 3 weeks (blinding is permanent)