I'm still breathing

As the fiend stood at the edge of Lirim's borders alone, his anxiety slowly began to creep up his throat and down his spine. His hackles prickled slowly in the quiet air as he kept his ears attentive to his surroundings. He did not fear an encounter with Faite, but some part of him wished things had been different. Zuriel seemed to understand him, seemed to still want to help him. He hoped that maybe she even trusted him, or at least... trusted his intentions. An outward sigh left his square muzzle as his red eyes peered to the skies. That was a far-fetched desire, wasn't it? For someone to trust him? He was only just beginning to trust himself.

He decided not to think about it anymore, trying his best to stay in a positive mindset- at least, while dealing with Zuriel. She was taking a long time and he suspected she was doing her best to gather every necessary herb. He rested his weight back on to his haunches and looked down to inspect his wound, only just then realizing perhaps it was worse than he'd thought. The pain was a dull ache, but all of the dried blood around the edges of his broken skin had been barely able to scab with all of his movements during their travel. He'd probably lost quite a bit of blood, so that.. mixed with hunger.. it explained why he was feeling as weak as he was now that he was allowing himself to rest.

Adrenaline was a funny thing, and it seemed that when he was in the presence of Kane his adrenaline had never let up. He was in protective overdrive when he was around his estranged son, even if Kane didn't understand it. If healing patients was Zuriel's element, there was something about being responsible for - or even having control of - others that kept Elias in his. Now that he was alone, his fatigue was catching up to him. His ears drooped as he relaxed his usually tensed muscles, and his hackles slowly smoothed back out just in time for Zuriel to make her appearance.

Something about the way she walked toward him, fully prepared with her herbs and medicines and with a mouthful of bloody deer meat, made him remember just... everything about her. She was so strong, despite her frail bone structure- so diligent in her work and so absolutely driven to go above and beyond with everything she did. At least, that was his idea of her. The way she managed to keep an open mind and still be a big part of her family, still be a wonderful mother and healer, after everything she had been through... it inspired him.

He watched as she laid the deer meat down in front of him and told him to eat, and as she did he couldn't help but wonder... why? Why was she focused on him in this moment? Why didn't she take Kane back into Lirim and leave Elias to take care of himself, as he had suspected? He was ready to disappear and hunt on his own, ready to even bring back food for them, which he still planned on doing, because honestly.. he didn't deserve this, and he definitely didn't suspect it.

'Lay down,' she demanded, and his ears flicked in her direction. Her commanding tone compelled him to listen without him even thinking, his scarred torso lowering while his forelimbs outstretched before him like it was instinct. It wasn't until afterward that he began to inspect her truly, quietly wondering what all she'd endured since she first met him and how she was managing her time without him, as.. it was undoubtedly better than her time with him, right?

His eyes drifted from her face to her necklace, something he often focused on when he felt too undeserving to look into her eyes. It was beautiful, and though not as beautiful as she seemed to be in his memory when he thought of her- it was captivating to him whenever they were around. He watched it until she moved and began inspecting his wound, and while she worked he took the opportunity to do as she asked and begin devouring the meal she had brought him. He was a creature with a high metabolism, one that had aided his lean muscle tone and mighty need for hunting his entire life. As his tongue grazed across the bloody flesh she'd delivered in front of him, he was immediately appreciative and ate the whole thing in one attempt. He tried not to jerk too much, but it was inevitable as he tried to situate the flesh inside of his jaws and line it up with the back of his throat. Finally, he swallowed hard and from then on, he was still... like any good patient would be. He ate the herbs she offered him and then watched her lick away at the wound, and something about it soothed him.. his breathing slowing as his eyes nearly shut. Damn, he was more tired than he thought.

His eyes widened again as she moved and finished up her work. As she stood back to admire it, he remained resting there, admiring her. There was an undeniable sense of guilt that overcame him when he realized what he was doing, when he realized how drawn to her he was finding himself. His first and only love.. well, she'd met her demise because of him.. and Zuriel had already endured a nightmare due to his actions, what else would he allow himself to do to her if he chose to give into this magnetic pull she had on him? He tried to focus on something else, something other than how deeply he longed to be around her. The whole thing was something not even his thoughts could put into words, and it was hard to push back feeling. It wasn't like pushing back doubts, concerns, or thoughts. Emotions flowed through his entire being, much like anger and much like what compelled him to commit the evils of his past in the first place. This emotion was from a different place, but nearly just as impossible to ignore.

He focused on her question, lifting himself up off of the ground while he thought it over. He wanted to test the herbs, to see how much he could continue to move his ankle without feeling their presence. His ankle had been warm when she was tending to it, but now it was growing colder. He didn't mind it, and it certainly felt a lot better than it had previously. He looked back up to her now but wasn't any more prepared to answer her question than he had been when she voiced it. His shoulders rolled back just slightly as he shook his head, "I don't quite have that all figured out yet, I am sort of.. taking things as they come. I've been better lately than I was before, but... I wanted to ask you something." He drew in a breath, thinking.

"How well do you know the variety of symptoms your known herbs can treat?" He hoped that.. maybe she understood where he was getting at, so he would leave it at that. If not, he would prepare himself to explain.. but the whole thing was enough to make his heartbeat increase once again. Was there something that could help him hold his temper? Was that even.. possible? Or was he helpless, and therefore hopeless?