-1 "her chest into his dead center" center of his what?
Positioning
Directions
Movements
Damage
6/10 for Attacks:
+2 chest slam
+3 bite +1 severity
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
no deductions (first round)
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+2 Novice Fighter (you'll want to get staff to fix this. At 15 points she should be Novice not Beginner)
+2 Novice Intellectual
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
MARA’s round one total: 49/62
XANDER:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 make sure to be clear in your attempts, I wasn't sure on the bite attack if it was attempted.
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 where on her face is he aiming his attack? How will he position his jaws?
Positioning
-2 "font limb to wrap around her left side" where on her left side? The whole left side is a big area to cover and could drastically change how far Xander is reaching.
Directions
Movements
-2 "He shifted to the left" this needs to be elaborated on. Is he just leaning to the left? Stepping? Leaping? -2 "and he fell from his opponent" how is he falling? His he falling forward, back, down? Make sure to be specific in how your wolf is moving.
Damage
-1 "minor wounds to his shoulder" which shoulder? -1 how bad are the injuries he received?
5/10 for Attacks:
+2 arm wrap
+3 bite
0/5 for Defenses:
Good work on them in your Round 0 but judging doesn't start til Round 1 so you'll need to list your defenses in this post to to get points.
10/10 for Injuries:
moderate lacerations to left shoulder [clarified by judge, no deduction in points because its first round]
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Healer
+1 Beginner Navigator
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
XANDER’s round one total: 30/62
ROUND TWO
MARA:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
-2 watch these, the way the "twisting to the right" line is worded she would need to succeed in her attempted arm wrap for this to even be possible.
Excessive Movement
Realism
9/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-1 did she return to all fours?
Directions
Movements
Damage
5/10 for Attacks:
+3 bite
+2 armwrap
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
none
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+2 Novice Fighter
+2 Novice Intellectual
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
MARA’s round two total: 45/62
XANDER:
WRITING
0/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
-2 "he would then push up" this move depends on the bite succeeding which you don't know if it did until your opponent replies. If you do succeed then in your next post you can try for worsening the damage.
Excessive Movement
-3 way to much movement! You need to give your opponent time to respond to your first set of attacks before making another. First he's under her then he gets behind her, then he's back under her? Its very confusing. -2 the majority of the time you can only make 1 attack per body part, more than that is almost always excessive movement. -2 his head is above her for the attack and without waiting for it to succeed he tried to dive under her. Again, it is very important to allow your opponent to respond. Stick to a single set of moves per post.
Realism
-2 I don't think it's feasible for him to try and slam his chest into her right shoulder while he's trying to bite underneath her, also at this close range he won't be able to do enough damage to dislocate it.
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 what part of his body is he trying to ram into her solar plexus and how? - "between her right shoulder" between her right shoulder and what?
Positioning
-2 where on her rump is he trying to bite? -1 what damage is he trying to do with that bite?
Directions
-1 "he took a sharp turn" which way?
Movements
Damage
-1 so did her bite miss completely? -2 which of Mara's legs connected and where? -2 which leg missed and why?
5/10 for Attacks:
+1 body slam?
+3 bite
+1 shoulder slam [close proximity]
+3 bite to rear -2 for excessive movement
1/5 for Defenses:
+1 for each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
none
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Healer
+1 Beginner Navigator
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
XANDER’s round two total: 22/62
Totals:
MARA: 94/124 XANDER: 52/124
And the winner is...
MARA! XANDER must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Mara's maim is successful and Xander now has permanent scars across the right side of his face.
Damage:
MARA:
no injuries
XANDER:
moderate lacerations to shoulder - 2 ooc weeks
severe facial scarring - 1 ooc month to scar over, will leave permanent scars
Notes:
I do my notes above next to the deductions so it's more clear on why I'm taking off points. Good work Monster, you're getting the hang of the system! Bear, this was a bit rough for you but it's your first fight. Just work on making sure your attacks are clear and remember to list your defenses in each post. Also watch for that excessive movement! An easy way to avoid this is to only have one attack per body part in a post.
