-1 "Being a good 8 feet" this needs to be agreed upon ahead of time or you should have it as sort of an attempt or left more vague
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
-2 you can really only do one attack per body part in a post. More than that is almost always excessive movement and you have her trying to push Vivi's chest then scratch her chest and shoulder.
Realism
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 where on Vivi's chest is she trying to put her paws?
Positioning
-2 is she attacking straight on? at an angle? how are the aligned at the start of this? -1 "left side of the woman's face" you lost me a bit with the jaw positioning. -2 which paw is aiming for where? you'll need to specify. -2 what part of the leg is Agria trying to scratch Vivi with? You've got to specify.
Directions
Movements
-1 "wanting to come from under the woman" I wasn't quite sure what this meant.
Damage
General
-1 try to utilize names more when wolves of the same gender are fighting. It was frustrating to sort out which 'her' was Agria and which 'her' was Vivi.
4/10 for Attacks:
+1 paw push?
+3 bite
+0 leg scratch
3/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
none first round
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack member
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
AGRIA’s round one total: 31/62
VIVIENNE:
WRITING
5/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
-2 the twisting depends on the bite succeeding, you have to give your opponent time to respond to your attack. If your attack succeeds and you gain a hold you can try worsening damage in your next post.
Excessive Movement
-3 you need to give your opponent a chance to respond to your attacks. Generally you can only do one attack per body part per post. If you're doing more, say 2 bites that's excessive movement. Fights happen very quickly and your opponent could be in a completely different position by the time you try to make a second bite.
Realism
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 "her right limb around her left" her left what? -1 which ear is she snapping at?
Positioning
-2 how is she trying to position her jaws on Agria's face -2 how is she positioned above Agria? Be specific.
Directions
-1 "then jumped to the right side" whose right? Agria's or Vivi's? -1 "pull the left right back limb" which one is it?
Movements
-2 how is she trying to push Agria? -2 what body part is she trying to push into Agria?
Damage
General
-1 try to utilize names more when wolves of the same gender are fighting. It was frustrating to sort out which 'her' was Agria and which 'her' was Vivi. -2 it's best to use straightforward and clear language in fights. Trying to get 'fancy' can often make a post more confusing. An Isthmus is defined as "a narrow organ, passage, or piece of tissue connecting two larger parts" which does not clarify at all what Vivi is holding her head over.
6/10 for Attacks:
+1 body push?
+3 bite
+3 bite to spine +1 hold -2 for excessive movement
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
none
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner healer
+1 beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
VIVIENNE’s round one total: 32/62
ROUND TWO
AGRIA:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 make sure to attempt your bite
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 "teeth to the front of her eye on her muzzle" I'm confused by this statement, are the teeth trying to pierce her eye? the muzzle near her eye?
Positioning
Directions
-1 "hop to the right" whose right?
Movements
Damage
-2 how bad was the damage to her cheek?
5/10 for Attacks:
+1 paw slam
+3 bite +1 hold
2/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 moderate lacerations to left cheek
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack member
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
AGRIA’s round two total: 36/62
VIVIENNE:
WRITING
0/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-3 "she then slashed her maw close right over the eye" this needs to be attempted. Also watch the if then statement in there. The way it's worded makes it sound like the attack succeeded first. Your opponent chooses if your attack lands.
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
-3 (see note from round 1)
Realism
-2 just tugging on the backleg wouldn't dislocate it, -2 just tugging the shoulder won't dislocate it. Remember a wolf is not built like a human they can't get the same force in a pull that we can.
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 how is she getting her arm around the left side of Agria when she's moved a bunch to her right?
Positioning
-1 how far to her right is she moving?
Directions
Movements
-2 is she falling to all fours or is she rearing at the start of this? -2 "her back leg sliding under the woman" which back leg? Where under Agria is it moving? -1 "onto her back leg" which back leg? -1 "as for her front leg" which front leg?
Damage
-2 you should elaborate on how Agria's attacks missed.
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 bite +1 severity
+1 front paw wrap
+0 back paw wrap
+0 claw attack
+1 hug thing? -1 for excessive movement
1/5 for Defenses:
+1 for each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
none
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner healer
+1 beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
VIVIENNE’s round two total: 21/62
ROUND THREE
AGRIA:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 make sure to attempt your scratches
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
5/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-2 I'm a bit lost with her attack is she biting the paw or the knee? the knee would be the back leg
Positioning
-1 where underneath Vivi is she?
Directions
Movements
-2 I got lost on the movement of Agria's fall and how she ended up underneath Vivi.
Damage
4/10 for Attacks:
+0 scratches
+3 bite +1 grip
4/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
none that would cause enough damage for a deduction
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack member
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
AGRIA’s round three total: 39/62
VIVIENNE:
WRITING
2/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
-2 (see previous notes on this)
Excessive Movement
-3(see previous note on this) -1 "then slide her maw as fast"
Realism
-2 how does Vivi lowering her body cause Agria's paws to miss? She'd be lowering right onto the attacking body part.
0/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
Directions
Movements
-2 how is she trying to push her legs under Agria when Agria is already below her? -2 how is she getting to Agria's spine by pulling up when Agria is below her? she'd be snapping at air. -2 what do you mean in a 'regular stance'? -1 where on the brow is she aiming?
Damage
-2 how does her movement block the bite? what is she blocking with? -2 how much damage was done to her from the bite?
3/10 for Attacks:
+0 nail attack
+3 bite +1 severity -2 realism and a number of other issues with his attack
+3 bite -2 excessive movement
0/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 moderate lacerations to left wrist [judges deduction]
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner healer
+1 beginner fighter
4/5 for Health:
loner
unhealed event status - none
unhealed fight status - none
VIVIENNE’s round three total: 19/62
Totals:
AGRIA: 106/186 VIVIENNE: 72/186
And the winner is...
AGRIA! VIVIENNE must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Agria's maim is successful and Vivienne now has permanent scars on the whatever side of her face.
Damage:
AGRIA:
moderate lacerations to left cheek - 2 ooc weeks
VIVIENNE:
moderate lacerations to left wrist - 2 ooc weeks
Notes:
Ouch, so this a rough one. I think you're both still working on getting a hang on the system. It really does take time. I recommend the KISS (Keep It Simple) method while you're getting used to the fight system. Stick to a few simple, straightforward attacks and make sure those are clear. Bear you really need to avoid throwing in a ton of attacks into a single post. You lost a bunch of points for excessive movement and it makes the posts very difficult and confusing both to judge and to respond to. Chrono, good work on managing your responses here.
For both of you, you may notice that I didn't give any points for scratching. Wolves claws are considered to dull to cause enough damage to flesh to count as light lacerations on the game. Save claw attacks for vulnerable areas like the eyes and nose.
