Attempts
-1 “...sidestepped in towards Ashiel's chest.” Because you used Ashiel's chest to orient Torin this should have been attempted.
General
-1 “...grasping for purchase on Ashiel's retreating foreleg...” The word 'retreating' got you in trouble here. You're assuming Ashiel would pull his leg back.
7/10 for Clarity:
Positioning
-1 “Torin moved slightly forwards and sidestepped in towards Ashiel's chest.” Because positioning plays such a big role in fighting I think you could have been a bit more descriptive here. How close does Torin hope to get? What is their new positioning?
-1 “...he extended his neck downwards and to the left...” Torin's left or Ashiel's?
Damage
-1 “...tearing a painful rip along the right outer rim.” What is the severity of the damage?
4/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for paw stomp
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for tail level with spine
+1 for shoulders rolled forward
10/10 for Injuries:
Bruised right shoulder
Shallow scratches on right foreleg
Torn right ear
Status
3/12 for Experience:
+2 novice fighter
+1 beginner intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status: pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Torin’s round one total: 42/62
ROUND TWO
ASHIEL:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None seen!
?/10 for Clarity:
All clear!
6/10 for Attacks:
+2 for bear hug
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for hackles raised
+1 for ears pinned
+1 for toes spread
+1 for nails digging in
+1 for shoulders rolled forward
7/10 for Injuries:
-1 for light bruising to shoulder
-2 for moderate lacerations to wrist
Status
8/12 for Experience:
+4 advanced fighter
+4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status : pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Ashiel’s round two total: 51/62
TORIN:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 “With a grunt Torin rocked his weight towards Ashiel, hoping to unbalance him.” Same as first round. It would have been better to say “Torin rocked his weight forward, hoping to unbalance Ashiel” or something along those lines.
8/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 for the shove attack. It's just a little too vague. How is he trying to topple Ashiel? Will the lower part of his neck strike Ashiel's chest, forcing him over backwards? Is he trying to off balance/twist Ashiel so he topples over? By detailing this attack more and specifying your intentions you could have easily earned more points for it.
Damage
-1 “Ashiel's grip was solid and there was no doubt that his skin had been punctured.” How severe are the puncture wounds?
1/10 for Attacks:
+1 for shove
1/5 for Defenses:
+1 for splayed toes
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate puncture wounds to foreleg (severity assigned by judge)
Status
3/12 for Experience:
+2 novice fighter
+1 beginner intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status: pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Torin’s round two total: 35/62
Totals:
Ashiel 105/124 Torin: 77/124
And the winner is...
ASHIEL! Torin must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Ashiel:
Bruising – 2 ooc days
Lacerations – 1 ooc week
Torin:
Bruising/scratches – 2 ooc days
Lacerations/torn ear – 1 ooc week
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For Lunar: Nothing to note, really. Easy to judge as always, just remember to attempt everything next time
For Lolaf: Your first round was pretty good, just a couple simple mistakes that are easy to fix (notes are in the judging above), but your second round cost you big time. Remember to list your defenses and try to add a few more attacks if you can. An easy one for that round would have been biting. Because Ashiel was munching on Torin's leg, his head and neck would have been wide open for an attack. A bite plus a grip attempt would have netted you an additional 4 points.
