Attempts
-1 “He tried to wait until he’d hopefully only left about a foot of space between them as he charged Ashiel head on.” The wording here is a little bit squirrely. The first half is kind of an 'if this than that' statement and the last half falls under 'should have been attempted'
Excessive Movement
-1 “As he came down...” You're not giving your opponent time to react. What if Ashiel tries to stop him somehow? A shove forward during this time could knock Amos over.
6/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
-1 “He hoped to smack Ashiel in the bottom of his jaw, back where it connected to his skull and throat in the hopes of both startling the other boy and causing Ashiel to back up.” What body part is he using for this? You called it a headbutt after the fact, but nothing before that line describes what body part Amos is using.
-1 “...aiming for his right paw to land on top of Ashiel’s left paw and leave some minor lacerations at least.” If he's using his claws to create those lacerations you need to say so, otherwise I have to assume he's using just his paw in this attack and that doesn't make much sense.
Positioning
-1 “His defenses were set quickly, legs moved to equal distances, centering each limb where it ought to be for maximum balance...” Is this a wide stance? “Maximum balance” is subjective as this can be achieved in different ways depending on the positioning of the fighter.
-1 “...he shot forward quickly and set out in an attempt to close the distance.” Between himself and what?
3/10 for Attacks:
+2 for headbutt
+1 for paw stomp
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for tail raised
+1 for head lowered
+1 for narrowed eyes
+1 for flattened ears
10/10 for Injuries:
None
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner fighter
+3 intermediate intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status: pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Amos' round one total: 41/62
ASHIEL:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None
9/10 for Clarity:
Movements
-1 “As Amos' upper body would lift Ashiel's legs quickly coiled as he ducked, causing Amos' headbutt to just miss.” If Amos is lunging upwards towards Ashiel's throat, wouldn't ducking simply cause Amos to hit him sooner?
5/10 for Attacks:
+3 for bite
+1 for grip
+2 for bear hug
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for pinned ears
+1 for tail aligned with spine
+1 for shoulders rolled forward
+1 for widened stance
10/10 for Injuries:
None
Status
8/12 for Experience:
+4 advanced fighter
+4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status: pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Ashiel’s round one total: 52/62
ROUND TWO
AMOS:
WRITING
7/10 for Power Play:
If/Than Statements
-2 the twist down attack hinges on Amos getting a grip on Ashiel's neck. Because of that, the twist down should have been saved for the next round once Ashiel had a chance to respond.
Excessive Movement
-1 jumping up on Ashiel, stepping back, dragging to the right...there's a lot happening there and during the time Ashiel could be doing anything. You need to give your opponent time to react.
7/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Directions
-1 “...simultaneously dodging via a hard lean to the right in an effort to change the target.” His right?
Damage
-2 “Ashiel's teeth bit into the side of Amos' neck.” Which side of his neck and where specifically? What damage did he take from this?
5/10 for Attacks:
+2 for bear hug/twist down
+3 for bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 for tucked chin
+1 for using tail for balance
+1 for weight centered over hind legs
+1 for claws dug in
+1 for narrowed eyes
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 moderate puncture wounds to neck (damage assigned by judge)
Status
4/12 for Experience:
+1 beginner fighter
+3 intermediate intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status: pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Amos' round two total: 41/62
ASHIEL:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
None
10/10 for Clarity:
Clear
7/10 for Attacks:
+3 for thrashing bite
+2 for bear hug
+2 for double leg kick
4/5 for Defenses:
+1 for raised hackles
+1 for flattened ears
+1 for shoulders rolled forward
+1 for tucked tail
0 all other defenses negated by attacks
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 for moderate facial lacerations
Status
8/12 for Experience:
+4 advanced fighter
+4 advanced intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status: pack wolf
unhealed event status: no
unhealed fight status: no
Ashiel’s round two total: 52/62
Totals:
Amos: 82/124 Ashiel: 104/124
And the winner is...
ASHIEL! Amos must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Amos:
Moderate punctures – 1 ooc week
Ashiel:
Moderate lacerations – 1 ooc week
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For both: VERY good fight, guys! My tips and suggestions are listed in the deductions above!
