Thick skin and an elastic heart
04-30-2018, 07:22 PM
His encouraging words did actually help some and she took them with a small smile. It did make her wonder why she was suddenly so interested in the opinions of someone that was pretty much a complete stranger. All she really knew was his name, that he had some siblings, and he was attacked by a bear at one point. He seemed like such a mystery and it was intriguing. The way he seemed to care without really knowing her made her trust him in some odd way. She knew she would have gotten a thorough scolding from her brother if he knew she was chatting with an unknown man at night in the middle of nowhere. Was it the smartest decision she had ever made? Probably not. Was she enjoying this conversation all the same? Absolutely. When he brought up the fact that she was telling all of this to a stranger instead of telling all of this to her family she knew he was right. It wasn't even really that they wouldn't listen, she just felt like she couldn't talk to them without them dismissing her concerns and insisting that she was valuable and being silly for thinking otherwise. In all honesty, she kept expecting Regulus to reprimand her for not going to the other packs when he asked or attempting to get her into other pack-related things. But that scolding never came. The thought of leaving and "finding her own roots" as he put it was hard to swallow. She had lived in Celestial for as long as she could remember. But did she want to stay because she actually liked it or because she was afraid of change? That was the question she couldn't quite answer. His question made the thought even more difficult. Her gaze shifted to look out into the darkness while her expression grew more thoughtful. It wasn't entirely the pack's fault. She should have saught them out and made more of an effort to get the training she wanted. She thought back to the day that Regulus asked her what she wanted to do. She told him and there had been no question as to why, that had been her path from then on. Maybe if her mentor had been able to spend more time with her when she was young, maybe if someone had forced her to think about other paths... "I'm... I'm not sure." After the long pause she had she hoped that she would have a better answer, but that was all she could come up with. Her pale pink gaze came back to his as she added, "I feel like if the answer isn't immediately yes then it must be a no... It's almost like I'm trying to make excuses for them or for myself. Maybe... Maybe none of it has been right." All of her self doubt started to shift into doubt around her upbringing and her current situation. Maybe it wasn't her fault after all. Just maybe... Maybe she just didn't have the resources she needed like he said. "What do you think I should do?" she asked, suddenly curious as to what he thought. His advice so far had been pretty sound so she wondered if he would have a solution for her. It all seemed to hard for her to figure out on her own. It felt like she had been so deep in all of this for so long that she didn't see a way out. |
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